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Funny Offering Quotes
Funny Quotes about Offering

Let these funny Offering Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

I pray that my greatest desires will always be for
exactly what Spirit is offering me at that very moment.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Nurturing is not complex.
It's simply being tuned in to the thing or person before you
and offering small gestures toward what it needs at that time.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men
who walked through the huts comforting others,
giving away their last piece of bread...
They offer sufficient proof that everything
can be taken from a man but one thing:
to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one's own way.
- Viktor E. Frankl

Our opportunity is to Soar our Spirit.
To see Light and Joy in everything.
To spread our wings and fly boldly.
To give thanks for rainbows and butterflies -
our symbols of renewal and rebirth.
To offer daily Thanksgiving - for ourselves, our family,
our friends, our community, for the whole world.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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Your informed, "no," to a particular service
allows another to offer their
gifted and unreserved, "yes."
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Life is a song - sing it.
Life is a game - play it.
Life is a challenge - meet it.
Life is a dream - realize it.
Life is a sacrifice - offer it.
Life is love - enjoy it.
- Sai Baba

The best comfort I could offer
was to just let her tell her story.
- Mary Anne Radmacher


 

Today I offer a prayer of forgiveness:
forgive the pettiness of my ingratitude...
the absence of profound thankfulness.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat.
- Winston Churchill

Not everyone is always going to like what you do.
Your job application, your book proposal,
your offer of marriage is going to
get rejected sometimes - perhaps often.
Your boss, your spouse, even the person
behind you in the supermarket checkout line
is occasionally going to think that you are doing it all wrong.
Don't take it personally.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Great leaders are almost always great simplifiers,
who can cut through argument, debate, and doubt
to offer a solution everybody can understand.
- Colin Powell

The secret of success is to find a need and fill it,
to find a hurt and heal it,
to find somebody with a problem
and offer to help solve it.
- Robert H. Schuller

Far and away the best prize that life has to offer
is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.
- Theodore Roosevelt

I will reflect the finest qualities my friends offer me
and remind them of all the promise I see in them.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Too often the great decisions are originated and given form
in bodies made up wholly of men, or so completely dominated
by them that whatever of special value women
have to offer is shunted aside without expression.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Living in the present moment requires discretion toward memory.
Without memory we'd have amnesia. What good would there be in that?
Offer discretion and discernment for our past
with a broad spectrum of forgiveness.
As for our present moment, delight.
And dedication to remain fully present to all the possibility.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

I offer my body, my mind
and any ability that I posses,
to be used by Thee, O Infinite Creator,
in whatever way Thou dost choose
to express Thyself through me.
I know that all work is Thy work,
and that no task is too difficult
or too menial when offered
to Thee in loving service.
- Paramahansa Yogananda

I offer you peace.
I offer you love.
I offer you friendship.
I see your beauty.
I hear your need.
I feel your feelings.
My wisdom flows from the Highest Source.
I salute that Source in you.
Let us work together for unity and love.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Our opportunity is to visualize a kinder world.
To sing glad songs of tomorrow -
imagining a world of love -
of the whole world filled with love.
To offer our hand... often.
To breathe deeply and honor ourselves.
To pause and contemplate... just because.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I offer gentle understanding to myself.
I position myself in love, not fear.
I look behind me with forgiveness.
I look forward with festive anticipation.
I embrace this holy moment and assert,
"Now. This moment is the moment to love,
the moment to serve, the moment to seize
the legacy instead of the small.
Now. Now I will live large, love boldly,
reach to the edges of my unfurled heart and fully enrolled hope.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Most people consider the course of events as natural and inevitable.
They little know what radical change are possible through prayer.
Every morning I offer my body, my mind and any ability that I posses,
to be used by Thee, O infinite creator,
in whatever way Thou dost choose to express Thyself through me.
I know that all work is Thy work, and that no task is too difficult
or too menial when offered to Thee in loving service.
- Paramahansa Yogananda

I am trying to own my own opinions
and offer what I know as an option,
just as I would present a tray of appetizers for my guests.
Here are several choices that I have created -
if one looks good you are welcome to take it.
In other words, I am training myself to say,
"May I tell you how it is for me?"
When I ask the question, it means waiting
for the invitation to share.
It also means being prepared for my friend to say,
"No." They don't want to know.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

When life offers you a dream so far
beyond any of your expectations,
it's not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end.
- Bella, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer

I strive toward my vision,
while accepting gratefully whatever life offers me.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I say "YES" to the opportunities life offers me.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I am ready and willing to seize the opportunities life offers.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A friend encourages your dreams and offers advice -
but when you don't follow it,
they still respect and love you.
- Doris Wild Helmering

Nature and human life are as various
as our several constitutions.
Who shall say what prospect life offers to another?
- Henry David Thoreau

A man who was completely innocent,
offered himself as a sacrifice for the good of others,
including his enemies,
and became the ransom of the world.
It was a perfect act.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

In many ways, it is easier to be a good giver than a good receiver.
The giver chooses the gift and the timing.
More important, societal and religious traditions
tend to elevate the status of giver and lower the status of receiver.
When the Bible (Acts 20:32-35) speaks of it being
more blessed to give than to receive,
I believe that a better translation might be
"take" rather than "receive," as the context
of that passage is "coveting."
Certainly there is nothing blessed about coveting,
stealing, begging, or demanding,
however the skill of graciously receiving a freely offered gift
is another matter entirely.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin

A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)

Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain

You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous

The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch

Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Jung

I would rather trust a woman's instinct than a man's reason.
- Stanley Baldwin

Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar

Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates

Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)

A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde

The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson

It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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