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Let these funny Not Perfect Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
The world is perfect. It's a mess.
It has always been a mess.
We are not going to change it.
Our job is to straighten out our own lives.
- Joseph Campbell
We come to love not by finding the perfect person,
but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.
- Angelina Jolie
Practice does not make perfect,
perfect practice makes perfect.
- Vince Lombardi
Just as in the comedies, a person who is in love
with the idea of love sees prospective partners
through the lens of idealism.
The reaction is, "This must be the one.
They are so perfect - the match of my dreams."
Is that person they just met a perfect match?
It's unlikely their friends think so.
So what happened? That person with the cute smile
was not much more than a mirror for the hopes and dreams
of the one in love with love.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon
Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran
The function of muscle is to pull and not to push,
except in the case of the genitals and the tongue.
- Leonardo da Vinci
I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
- Marianne Williamson
The lawyer's truth is not Truth,
but consistency or a consistent expediency.
- Henry David Thoreau
Silence is not always a Sign of Wisdom,
but Babbling is ever a folly.
- Benjamin Franklin
Ending a sentence with a preposition is
something up with which I will not put.
- Winston Churchill
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
For centuries, theologians have been explaining
the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- H. L. Mencken
The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken
It's not a mess.
It's a physical manifestation of
a wonderfully complex ability to
assess and compartmentalize information.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster
It's not clutter, it's my unique filing system.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright
When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Do not speak to me of rules.
This is war! This is not a game of cricket!
- from the movie The Bridge On The River Kwai
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Though I am a servant, I am not your servant.
- Ursula K. Le Guin
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong
Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives,
I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement.
- Winston Churchill
The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb
It's not much of a tail, but I'm sort of attached to it.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Delusion: belief said to be false by someone who does not share it.
- Thomas Szasz
Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard
I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.