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Let these funny Nirvana Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Nirvana is not the blowing out of the candle.
It is the extinguishing of the flame because day is come.
- Rabindranath Tagore
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand 
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
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Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
It's not much of a tail, but I'm sort of attached to it.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
It's not clutter, it's my unique filing system.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Though I am a servant, I am not your servant.
- Ursula K. Le Guin
I do not believe in using women in combat,
because females are too fierce.
- Margaret Mead
Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
- Marianne Williamson
Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
The function of muscle is to pull and not to push,
except in the case of the genitals and the tongue.
- Leonardo da Vinci
I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright
Silence is not always a Sign of Wisdom,
but Babbling is ever a folly.
- Benjamin Franklin
For centuries, theologians have been explaining
the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
- H. L. Mencken
The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein
Faith: not wanting to know what is true.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
Ending a sentence with a preposition is
something up with which I will not put.
- Winston Churchill
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin
Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
Do not bite at the bait of pleasure,
till you know there is no hook beneath it.
- Thomas Jefferson
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
As far as the laws of mathematics
refer to reality, they are not certain,
and as far as they are certain,
they do not refer to reality.
- Albert Einstein
Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie
Delusion: belief said to be false by someone who does not share it.
- Thomas Szasz
It's not very heroic to slay dragons.
Dragons are generally very peaceful and well behaved.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.