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Funny Needs Quotes
Funny Quotes about Needs

Let these funny Needs Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

What this country needs is a credit card for
charging things to experience.
- Tom Wilson

This town needs an enema.
- the movie Batman

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain

A politician needs the ability to
foretell what is going to happen
tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year.
And to have the ability afterwards
to explain why it didn't happen.
- Winston Churchill


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The greatest obstacle to a Joyful Life
is your "story" about your life.
Your story is filled with perceives needs and obligations.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

All tyranny needs to gain a foothold
is for people of good conscience to remain silent.
- Thomas Jefferson

Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man
... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do
every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do.
And if you do any of these things,
he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire
and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever,
and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream,
until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you.
He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin


 

Man needs difficulties; they are necessary for health.
- Carl Jung

Don't ask yourself what the world needs;
ask yourself what makes you come alive.
And then go and do that.
Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
- Howard Thurman

To deal with individual human needs
at the everyday level can be noble sometimes.
- Jimmy Carter

Everybody needs beauty as well as bread,
places to play in and pray in,
where nature may heal and cheer
and give strength to the body and soul.
- John Muir

The Negro needs the white man to free him from his fears.
The white man needs the Negro to free him from his guilt.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

I look for what needs to be done.
After all, that's how the universe designs itself.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

Love is a bird, she needs to fly.
- Madonna

Every generation needs a new revolution.
- Thomas Jefferson

It is error alone which needs the support of government.
Truth can stand by itself.
- Thomas Jefferson

One of the oldest human needs is having someone
to wonder where you are when you don't come home at night.
- Margaret Mead

Every man is a consumer, and ought to be a producer.
He is by constitution expensive, and needs to be rich.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Divine love will meet all human needs
- Mary Baker Eddy

Everybody needs beauty as well as bread.
- John Muir

Nurturing is not complex.
It's simply being tuned in to the thing or person before you
and offering small gestures toward what it needs at that time.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Existence needs you.
Without you, something will be missing
in existence and nobody can replace it.
Thats what gives you dignity,
that the whole existence will miss you.
- Osho

Wherever a man turns he can find someone who needs him.
- Albert Schweitzer

Feeling important makes one heavy, clumsy and vain.
To be a warrior one needs to be light and fluid.
- Carlos Castaneda

A friendship can weather most things and thrive in thin soil;
but it needs a little much of letters and phone calls
and small, silly presents every so often -
just to save it from drying out completely.
- Pam Brown

Just as treasures are uncovered from the earth,
so virtue appears from good deeds,
and wisdom appears from a pure and peaceful mind.
To walk safely through the maze of human life,
one needs the light of wisdom and the guidance of virtue.
- The Buddha

Nobody needs your help.
I know, I know, this is a difficult one. But it is true.
This does not mean no one wants your help,
or that no one could use your help.
It simply means the thought that another
Aspect of Divinity is powerless without you is inaccurate.
- Neale Donald Walsch

Ecstasy is our very nature;
not to be ecstatic is simply unnecessary.
To be ecstatic is natural, spontaneous.
It needs no effort to be ecstatic,
it needs great effort to be miserable.
That's why you look to tired,
because misery is really hard work;
to maintain it is really difficult,
because you are doing something against nature.
- Osho

Love allows your beloved the freedom to be unlike you.
Attachment asks for conformity to your needs and desires.
Love imposes no demands.
Attachment expresses an overwhelming demand - "Make me feel whole."
Love expands beyond the limits of two people.
Attachment tries to exclude everything but two people.
- Deepak Chopra in The Path to Love

What a blind person needs is not a teacher but another self.
- Helen Keller

Most of us believe that we have
been betrayed by someone outside of us -
in other words someone has done something to hurt us,
been dishonest or broken a promise made:
some trust in some concept was broken.
Indeed someone may have taken an action
that took only their needs into consideration,
they may have not followed through on a promise made,
and they may have not told you the truth.
But their actions have nothing to do with you
and have everything to do with them.
That's why no one can do anything TO you.
They can take actions that involve you that you may not like -
according to your point of view.
But you are not a victim, no way, no how.
- Sheri Rosenthal

If you doubt the virtue in self-honor,
remember what the flight attendant says,
"Put your own oxygen mask on first."
You are of no use to anyone else
if you have not taken care of your own needs first -
this includes your own emotional,
as well as physical, well-being.
In addition, your greatest value to your children,
your family, your friends, and your community
is the example you set, leading a great life that inspires
those around you to emulate your being.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

There are nine requisites for contented living:
HEALTH enough to make work a pleasure;
WEALTH enough to support your needs;
STRENGTH enough to battle with difficulties and forsake them;
GRACE enough to confess your sins and overcome them;
PATIENCE enough to toil until some good is accomplished;
CHARITY enough to see some good in your neighbor;
LOVE enough to move you to be useful and helpful to others;
FAITH enough to make real the things of God;
HOPE enough to remove all anxious fears concerning the future.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Every man in his lifetime needs to thank his faults.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

All that this world needs is a good cleansing of the heart
of all the inhibitions of the past.
And laughter and tears can do both.
Tears will take out all the agony that is hidden inside you
and laughter will take all that is preventing your ecstasy.
Once you have learned the art you will be immensely surprised.
- Osho

Don't expect me to get excited over
another damn thing we need to find.
- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010)

I feel the need to express something,
but I don't know what it is I want to express.
- the movie Interiors

I have faith. I just need proof to back it up.
- the movie Simon Birch

I personally think we developed language
because of our deep need to complain.
- Lily Tomlin

Advice is seldom welcome,
and those who need it the most, like it the least.
- Lord Chesterfield

Politicians and diapers need to be changed regularly,
usually for the same reason.
- Anonymous

Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money
they don't have for something they don't need.
- Will Rogers

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence;
then success is sure.
- Mark Twain

Whenever I feel the need to exercise,
I lie down until it goes away.
- Robert Maynard Hutchins

Oh, you weak, beautiful people
who give up with such grace.
What you need is someone to take hold of you -
gently, with love, and hand your life back to you.
- Tennessee Williams

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn

A bank is a place that will lend you money
if you can prove that you don't need it.
- Bob Hope

My life is difficult. I need more money.
- the movie The Expendables (2010)

All you need is love.
But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.
- Charles M. Schulz

Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith

I do not need anyone's permission to be my true self.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I say NO to the demands of the world.
I say YES to the longings of my own heart.
There is nothing I ever need to have.
There is nothing I ever need to do.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

"Hurry up" ranks right up there with "you need to"
as a destroyer of our humanity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Love me when I least deserve it,
because that's when I really need it.
- Swedish Proverb

Listen to the compass of your heart.
All you need lies within you.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

My rule of life prescribed as an absolutely sacred rite
smoking cigars and also the drinking of alcohol
before, after and if need be during all meals
and in the intervals between them.
- Winston Churchill

The Ought-To Need-To Tango:
I am racked with the guilt and the pain of I should,
and I ought, and I can't, but I must.
I can't rest; I can't sleep; I'm just not understood,
and I hate that the world is unjust.
I have work; I have woes; I have troubles for life;
but I don't have a ME that I trust.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You do not need anyone's permission to be your true self.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Stand Tall, Stand Proud.
Know that you are unique and magnificent.
You do not need the approval of others.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Sometimes we need the fog to remind ourselves
that all of life is not black and white.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Unlike grown-ups, children have little need to deceive themselves.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Whatever you do, you need courage.
Whatever course you decide upon,
there is always someone to tell you
that you are wrong.
There are always difficulties arising
that tempt you to believe your critics are right.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Today is a day to cover your best weapons in velvet.
Go gently into the world.
Hold your anger.
Keep your competitive spirit in check.
Some day you will need your fierce weapons,
but not today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We disrespect ourselves and our free-will
whenever we say that we NEED to do something.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need
but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him?
- 1 John 3:17

We humans feel an instinctive need to know
what is coming next - what we can count upon.
We fear change - even the most positive change.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The problems of the world cannot possibly
be solved by skeptics or cynics
whose horizons are limited by the obvious realities.
We need men who can dream of things that never were.
- John F. Kennedy

Parting is all we know of heaven, and all we need of hell.
- Emily Dickinson

Work like you don't need the money.
Love like you've never been hurt.
Dance like nobody's watching.
- Satchel Paige

Farewell My Friend
It was beautiful as long as it lasted
The journey of my life.
I have no regrets whatsoever
save the pain I'll leave behind.
Those dear hearts who love and care...
And the strings pulling at the heart and soul...
The strong arms that held me up
When my own strength let me down.
At every turning of my life
I came across good friends,
Friends who stood by me,
Even when the time raced me by.
Farewell, farewell my friends
I smile and bid you goodbye.
No, shed no tears for I need them not
All I need is your smile.
If you feel sad do think of me
for that's what I'll like
when you live in the hearts
of those you love, remember then
you never die.
- Gitanjali Ghei

The snow goose need not bathe to make itself white.
Neither need you do anything but be yourself.
- Lao Tzu


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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