Funny Myself Quotes - Funny Quotes about Myself

Funny Myself Quotes
Funny Quotes about Myself

Let these funny Myself Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain

The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin

Suppose you were an idiot,
and suppose you were a member of Congress;
but I repeat myself.
- Mark Twain

I make it a policy to try never to
make a complete idiot of myself twice in the same way.
After all, there's always all kinds of new ways
to make a complete idiot of myself.
Why repeat the old ones?
- Margot Dalton

I cannot persuade myself that a
beneficent and omnipotent God
would have designedly created parasitic wasps
with the express intention of their feeding
within the living bodies of caterpillars.
- Charles Darwin

I would rather sit on a pumpkin and have it all to myself,
than be crowded on a velvet cushion.
- Henry David Thoreau

I look only to the good qualities of men.
Not being faultless myself,
I won't presume to probe into the faults of others.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

I have found out that though the ways in which
I can make myself useful are few,
yet the work open to me is endless.
- Helen Keller

I am never going to have anything more to do
with politics or politicians.
When this war is over I shall confine myself entirely
to writing and painting.
- Winston Churchill

If I read a book that impresses me,
I have to take myself firmly in hand
before I mix with other people;
otherwise they would think my mind rather queer.
- Anne Frank

Affirmation:
I forgive everyone, especially myself,
for all actions and all inactions throughout my entire life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

In all my ways of seeing - may I use new glasses,
a telescope and a microscope.
And may I always allow myself to see a circumstance
through the tender hearts of my friends.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

I unconditionally forgive myself for everything
that I have ever done, said, or thought
that has caused me harm or suffering.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I forgive myself completely for having created stories of suffering.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I forgive everyone - especially myself.
I forgive for my own sake,
that I may transmute my resentments into Unconditional Love.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Shall I not have intelligence with the earth?
Am I not partly leaves and vegetable mould myself.
- Henry David Thoreau

If I am not for myself,
who will be for me?
Yet if I am for myself alone,
of what good am I?
- Hillel

I do not hold fear about what is happening in the world.
I am responsible for how I conduct myself in the events of my days,
and endeavor to not dwell in fear about anything.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I'm having a bad day. I am not size six.
My legs are not skinny as sticks,
and dammit, someone's got to pay.
I'm afraid that I can't satisfy myself
and that my happiness depends on someone else.
I feel weak, so you're gonna take the fall.
You're so shallow.
- Jewel

I Release Myself From All Guilt.
I forgive myself for judging me guilty.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I do myself a greater injury in lying
than I do him of whom I tell a lie.
- Michel de Montaigne

I love, without condition, myself,
all those around me,
and all those in my thoughts,
this day and evermore. Amen
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I have unbounded compassion for myself
at all times and under all circumstances.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When I'm trusting and being myself...
everything in my life reflects this
by falling into place easily, often miraculously.
- Shakti Gawain

I do not take a single newspaper, nor read one a month,
and I feel myself infinitely the happier for it.
- Thomas Jefferson

I lay aside the battles within my own mind,
and grant myself peace.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The burden of the self is lightened when I laugh at myself.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Where there is unconditional love,
there is no room for unhappiness.
Whenever I look in the mirror today,
I will say to myself: "That Is The Face Of God."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I desire to love myself as I truly am -
and to live courageously.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I forgive everyone, especially myself,
for all actions and all inactions throughout my entire life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I congratulate myself warmly for each accomplishment,
then ask, "What's next?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I will gather myself around my faith,
for light does the darkness most fear.
- Jewel

I do not concern myself with gods and spirits
either good or evil, nor do I serve any.
- Lao Tzu

By not caring too much about what people think,
I'm able to think for myself
and propagate ideas which are very often unpopular.
And I succeed.
- Albert Ellis

Whenever I look in the mirror,
I say to myself: "That Is The Face Of God."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Affirmation:
I congratulate myself warmly for each accomplishment,
then ask, "What's next?"
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When I Honor myself,
I am confident of my being,
and I am gentle with myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I open myself for the word of Spirit to flow through me.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When I am getting ready to reason with a man,
I spend one-third of my time thinking about myself
and what I am going to say
and two-thirds about him and what he is going to say.
- Abraham Lincoln

Whenever I look at a human face,
I say to myself: "That Is The Face Of God."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When I examine myself and my methods of thought,
I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy
has meant more to me than
any talent for absorbing positive knowledge.
- Albert Einstein

If I seem to boast more than is becoming,
my excuse is that I brag
for humanity rather than for myself.
- Henry David Thoreau

NO ONE has been granted the authority to tell me
how my life should be lived.
I answer only to myself and to Spirit.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Today is my day to see myself as the face of god:
my mind sparks, and my soul sparkles;
my peace is counterpoint to the clamor of life;
I am a magnificent gift to the world.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I forgive myself for all my angers, resentments, and jealousies.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I am at Peace with myself,
my family, my community, and the world.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I'm becoming more and more myself with time.
I guess that's what grace is.
The refinement of your soul through time.
- Jewel

If I could tell the world just one thing
it would be we're all okay,
and not to worry cause worry is wasteful
and useless in times like these.
I won't be made useless.
I won't be idle with despair,
I will gather myself around my faith.
Light does the darkness most fear.
- Jewel

Every man is said to have his peculiar ambition.
Whether it be true or not, I can say for one
that I have no other so great as that
of being truly esteemed of my fellow men,
by rendering myself worthy of their esteem.
- Abraham Lincoln

I am determined to be cheerful and happy
in whatever situation I may find myself.
For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness
is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition.
- Martha Washington

There are old heads in the world
who cannot help me by their example or advice
to live worthily and satisfactorily to myself;
but I believe that it is in my power
to elevate myself this very hour
above the common level of my life.
- Henry David Thoreau

I choose to adapt to the circumstances in which I find myself.
I choose to be flexible in my dealings with those around me.
I understand that my way is not the only way -
that inner peace comes from respecting the ways of others,
and that, if I am open, I may gain great insights and happiness
from the ideas and traditions of others.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Whenever I look at a human face today,
I will say to myself: "That Is The Face Of God."
Whenever I look in the mirror today,
I will say to myself: "That Is The Face Of God."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I forgive myself completely
for having created stories of suffering.
I forgive myself for all
my angers, resentments, jealousies,
and all the other emotions of suffering.
I have unbounded compassion for myself
at all times and under all circumstances.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Tonight, late, when I'm still not done with the day
but must comply with sleep,
I can whisper, "There was done a little good today.
Today I changed myself and the world, just a little.
And yes, I loved." Most days, that is enough.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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Funny Myself Quotes
Funny Quotes about Myself