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Funny Murder Quotes
Funny Quotes about Murder

Let these funny Murder Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Television has brought back murder into the home -
where it belongs.
- Alfred Hitchcock

The real 1960s began on the afternoon of November 22,
1963.
It came to seem that Kennedy's murder opened some malign
trap door in American culture,
and the wild bats flapped out.
- Lance Morrow

Character is always known.
Thefts never enrich;
alms never impoverish;
murder will speak out of stone walls.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

It is my conviction that killing under the cloak of war
is nothing but an act of murder.
- Albert Einstein


 

Dieting is murder on the road.
Show me a man who travels and I'll show you one who eats.
- Bruce Froemming

Man has no right to kill his brother.
It is no excuse that he does so in uniform:
he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
- Percy Bysshe Shelley

Others too would occasionally entertain and privately express such doubts;
though we all had been most solemnly warned by the
cruel murder of Saint Francis.
- Maria Monk


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Murder, like talent, seems occasionally to run in families.
- George Henry Lewes

Because I believe that abortion is murder,
I also believe that force is justified in an attempt to stop it.
- Eric Rudolph

The greatest crime in a Shakespeare play is to murder the king.
- Alex Cox

How strange it is that murder has the sanction of law
in one and only one of the human relationships,
and that is the most important of all,
that of nation to nation.
- Paul Harris

I read true crime books, and I read when people do case studies of stuff.
I'm into books like that.
Case studies or forensics or murder -
all that good stuff.
- Tom Araya

Every book has some real life in it.
I was never pursued by an evil twin clone,
but everything else in Mr. MURDER was pretty much out of my own life.
- Dean Koontz

Better murder an infant in its cradle than nurse an unacted desire.
- William Blake

The long and distressing controversy over capital punishment
is very unfair to anyone meditating murder.
- Geoffrey Fisher

It is far more difficult to murder a phantom than a reality.
- Virginia Woolf

Twilight is about getting older and relationships -
not about a murder mystery.
It's about love when you reach a certain age;
nothing is in primary colors.
- Robert Benton

Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when
you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.
- Emo Philips

It takes two to make a murder.
There are born victims, born to have their throats cut,
as the cut-throats are born to be hanged.
- Aldous Huxley

I do not believe in terrorism, violence,
destruction, murder, pre-emption, or War.
- Rosanne Cash

Indulge not thyself in the passion of anger;
it is whetting a sword to wound thine own breast,
or murder thy friend.
- Akhenaton

What is absurd and monstrous about war is that men
who have no personal quarrel should be trained to murder
one another in cold blood.
- Aldous Huxley

If you tie a man's hands there is nothing moral about
his not committing murder.
- Auberon Herbert

War is organized murder and torture against our brothers.
- Alfred Adler

The why of murder always fascinates me so much more than the how.
- Ann Rule

There seems to be this sense among even well-meaning
Americans that Africa is this black hole of murder
and mutilation that can never be fixed,
no matter what aid is brought in.
- Nicholas D. Kristof

Fascism is capitalism plus murder.
- Upton Sinclair

Murder will out, this my conclusion.
- Geoffrey Chaucer

Solo concerts are murder, I find; I don't like doing them.
- Derek Bailey

John Brown was tried for treason, murder,
and inciting slaves to insurrection.
- John Sergeant Wise

I say a murder is abstract.
You pull the trigger and after that you do not understand anything that happens.
- Jean-Paul Sartre

I was on Murder She Wrote with Angela Lansbury.
She was fantastic...
she was lovely to everyone, she was always on time,
prepared.
- Jane Badler

Mortals are easily tempted to pinch the life out of
their neighbour's buzzing glory,
and think that such killing is no murder.
- George Eliot

Well, I think storytellers have always found murder a fascinating device.
- Donna Tartt

Murder is not the crime of criminals,
but that of law-abiding citizens.
- Emmanuel Teney

I do not think that condemning people who murder and
killing them necessarily sends out the right message.
- Charlize Theron

America's state religion, is patriotism,
a phenomenon which has convinced many of the citizenry
that "treason" is morally worse than murder or rape.
- William Blum

I don't think that anybody should be suspended for life for anything,
other than murder.
How is it helping someone to say, 'You're done forever,
your life's over'?
- George Steinbrenner

Every murder turns on a bright hot light,
and a lot of people...
have to walk out of the shadows.
- Albert Maltz

It is the privilege of those who fear love to murder
those who do not fear it!
- May Sarton

Never attempt to murder a man who is committing suicide.
- Woodrow Wilson

Every one with this writ may be a tyrant;
if this commission be legal,
a tyrant in a legal manner, also, may control,
imprison, or murder any one within the realm.
- James Otis

Disarm, disarm.
The sword of murder is not the balance of justice.
Blood does not wipe out dishonor, nor violence indicate possession.
- Julia Ward Howe

Under pressure, people admit to murder,
setting fire to the village church or robbing a bank,
but never to being bores.
- Elsa Maxwell

The facts of a person's life will, like murder,
come out.
- Norman Sherry

The liberation of those who commit murder and terrorism is unacceptable.
- Alberto Fujimori

Society can overlook murder, adultery or swindling;
it never forgives preaching of a new gospel.
- Edmund Burke

The white man's victory soon became complete by fraud,
violence, intimidation and murder.
- Ida B. Wells

In the same way he's fascinated by crosswords,
the puzzle of solving the murder is what drives him on.
- John Thaw

We must now make clear to Lebanon that it will not benefit from U.S.
assistance and support as long as it harbors this brutal terrorist and murder.
- Jim DeMint

To restrict the artist is a crime.
It is to murder germinating life.
- Egon Schiele

One murder made a villain, Millions a hero.
- Beilby Porteus

But this is not to say that the society which inflicts
capital punishment commits murder.
- Benjamin Tucker

One to destroy, is murder by the law;
and gibbets keep the lifted hand in awe;
to murder thousands,
takes a specious name, 'War's glorious art',
and gives immortal fame.
- Edward Young

The truth of the matter is, you lose a parent to murder
when you're 10 years old,
and in fact at the time of the murder you hate your lost parent,
my mother in my case.
- James Ellroy

Ritual murder is referred to in court files which are located in Rome.
There are pictures in it which show that in 23 cases,
the Church itself has dealt with the question.
- Julius Streicher

Men will confess to treason, murder,
arson,
false teeth, or a wig.
How many of them will own up to a lack of humor?
- Frank Moore Colby

I think abortion is murder.
- Victoria Jackson

Certainly, the murder of civilians for political statement
did not just begin on September 11,
2001.
- Cliff Stearns

I'm not sure whay I've been drawn to this subject,
except that murder is a subject that has always drawn
people for as long as people have been telling stories.
- Donna Tartt

What the detective story is about is not murder but
the restoration of order.
- P. D. James

Revenge is barren of itself: it is the dreadful food it feeds on;
its delight is murder,
and its end is despair.
- Friedrich Schiller

Mars, when guilty of homicide, and set free from the
charge of murder by the Athenians through favour,
lest he should appear to be too fierce and savage,
committed adultery with Venus.
- Lactantius

Raymond Chandler once wrote that Dashiell Hammett gave
murder back to the people who really committed it.
- James Ellroy

Anybody who's been through a divorce will tell you that at one point.
they've thought murder.
The line between thinking murder and doing murder isn't that major.
- Oliver Stone

Prevention of birth is a precipitation of murder.
- Tertullian

Murder is commoner among cooks than among members of any other profession.
- W. H. Auden

The truth is often a terrible weapon of aggression.
It is possible to lie, and even to murder,
with the truth.
- Alfred Adler

AIDS obliges people to think of sex as having,
possibly, the direst consequences: suicide.
Or murder.
- Susan Sontag

With the first act of cruelty committed in the name of revolution,
with the first murder, with the first purge and execution,
we have lost the revolution.
- Kate Millett

So whatever I might have started to learn at that age
was all undone by the next director and next crew in the next cheap picture,
because I was allowed to get away with murder.
- Jackie Cooper


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