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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Mph Quotes
Funny Quotes about Mph

Let these funny Mph Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Our honorable and worthy ancestors knew that the world was flat,
motionless, and the center of the universe.
They knew the human body could not withstand
the forces of traveling faster than 19 mph.
They knew that the way to salvation was
exorcising witches and slaying non-believers.
They knew that it was a mortal sin to marry
someone of a different skin color.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

Nothing is more cheerful than talking
about our friends' shortcomings.
- Mason Cooley

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove


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I personally think we developed language
because of our deep need to complain.
- Lily Tomlin

All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe,
then I'd have to say that the universe
aimed rather low and settled for very little.
- George Carlin


 

The means by which we live have outdistanced
the ends for which we live.
Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power.
We have guided missiles and misguided men.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.
- Oscar Wilde

Law of Contrariness:
Our chief want in life is somebody
who shall make us do what we can.
Having found them, we shall then hate them for it.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Random chance seems to have operated in our favor ...
there was no deity involved.
- Spock character in the Star Trek television series

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
- Marianne Williamson

Our faith comes in moments; our vice is habitual.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Unless they share our opinions,
we seldom find people sensible.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

We make our friends; we make our enemies;
but God makes our next-door neighbor.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton

I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives
as much as if we had never married at all.
- Lord Byron

All our dreams can come true,
if we have the courage to pursue them.
- Walt Disney

It is our choices ... that show what we truly are,
far more than our abilities.
- J. K. Rowling (Harry Potter and The Chamber of Secrets)

The unleashed power of the atom has changed everything
save our modes of thinking
and we thus drift toward unparalleled catastrophe.
- Albert Einstein

In all matters of opinion,
our adversaries are insane.
- Oscar Wilde

We are always paid for our suspicion by finding what we suspect.
- Henry David Thoreau

We are a puny and fickle folk.
Avarice, hesitation, and following are our diseases.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Confusion of goals and perfection of means seems,
in my opinion, to characterize our age.
- Albert Einstein

Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

God is a concept by which we measure our pain.
- John Lennon

The claim "I was only following orders" has been used
to justify too many tragedies in our history.
- Captain Picard of the television series
STAR TREK: The Next Generation

Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power.
We have guided missiles and misguided men.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

We all live with the objective of being happy;
our lives are all different and yet the same.
- Anne Frank

"Hurry up" ranks right up there with "you need to"
as a destroyer of our humanity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The purpose of our lives is to be happy.
- Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama

Sometimes I wonder if we shall ever grow up
in our politics and say definite things which mean something,
or whether we shall always go on using generalities
to which everyone can subscribe, and which mean very little.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

While civilization has been improving our houses,
it has not equally improved
the men who are to inhabit them.
It has created palaces, but it was
not so easy to create noblemen and kings.
- Henry David Thoreau

Those who won our independence...
valued liberty as an end and as a means.
They believed liberty to be the secret of happiness
and courage to be the secret of liberty.
- Louis D. Brandeis

We cannot choose our external circumstances,
but we can always choose how to respond to them.
- Epictetus

As we work to create light for others,
we naturally light our own way.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Our Joy comes from living our own lives simply -
never from demanding that others live simply -
or from ever making any demands whatsoever upon others.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives.
I think we're being run by maniacs for maniacal ends
and I think I'm liable to be put away as insane for expressing that.
That's what's insane about it.
- John Lennon

Our faith gives us knowledge of something better.
- E. F. Schumacher

The world is perfect. It's a mess.
It has always been a mess.
We are not going to change it.
Our job is to straighten out our own lives.
- Joseph Campbell

What we think, we become.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts, we make the world.
- The Buddha

Time, like life itself, has no inherent meaning.
We give our own meaning to time as to life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Miracles are the natural way of the Universe -
our only job is to move our doubting minds aside
and let the miracles flow.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Our loyalties must transcend our race, our tribe,
our class, and our nation;
and this means we must develop a world perspective.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Soon we'll be out amid the cold world's strife.
Soon we'll be sliding down the razor blade of life.
But as we go our sordid sep'rate ways,
We shall ne'er forget thee, thou golden college days.
Hearts full of youth,
Hearts full of truth,
Six parts gin to one part vermouth.
- Tom Lehrer - song: Bright College Days,
album: An Evening Wasted With Tom Lehrer

When the vast cathedral of our being
becomes a sanctuary for all creation,
we become the face of God.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent
about things that matter.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Each of us dwells in a cathedral of our own BEing
that is created vast enough to encompass Unity with all creation.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We have only this moment,
sparkling like a star in our hand -
and melting like a snowflake.
- Marie B. Ray

Feeling overwhelmed by apparent demands on our time
is like going to a restaurant,
ordering everything on the menu,
and complaining about indigestion.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We disrespect ourselves and our free-will
whenever we say that we NEED to do something.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Our aspirations are our possibilities.
- Robert Browning

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments that take our breath away.
- Anonymous

Self-pity is our worst enemy
and if we yield to it,
we can never do anything wise in this world.
- Helen Keller

If anyone is unhappy, remember that
his unhappiness is his own fault...
Nothing else is the cause of anxiety or loss of tranquility
except our own opinion.
- Epictetus

The human mind is our fundamental resource.
- John F. Kennedy

Our relationships live in the space between us which is sacred.
- Martin Buber

Take away love and our earth is a tomb.
- Robert Browning

At the Core of Our Suffering
are those Self-Imposed Limitations (Assumptions)
of which We are Completely Unaware.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The greatest weapon against stress
is our ability to choose one thought over another.
- William James

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies,
but the silence of our friends.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Our life is frittered away by detail... simplify, simplify.
- Henry David Thoreau

We must walk consciously only part way toward our goal,
and then leap in the dark to our success.
- Henry David Thoreau

If self-validation were our
most significant societal measure -
we would give trophies to ourselves.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Our only security is our ability to change.
- John Lilly

None of us got where we are solely by
pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps.
- Thurgood Marshall

There is some good in the worst of us
and some evil in the best of us.
When we discover this,
we are less prone to hate our enemies.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this planet.
We all breathe the same air.
We all cherish our children's future.
And we are all mortal.
- John F. Kennedy

TIME is poisonous construct of our rattlesnake minds.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Share our similarities, celebrate our differences.
- M. Scott Peck

Once we doubt ourselves, success slips beyond our grasp.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.