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Let these funny Movies Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
It is a mark of soulfulness to be present in the here and now.
When we are present, we are not fabricating inner movies.
We are seeing what is before us.
- John Bradshaw
Humans make illogical decisions.
- Spock (character in Star Trek movies and TV shows)
What exactly is the function of a rubber duck?
- the movie Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002)
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Sucking the marrow out of life
doesn't mean choking on the bone.
- Robin Williams as John Keating
in the 1989 movie Dead Poets Society
Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
I got a perfect build for clothes.
I'm a twenty-eight dwarf.
- the movie Love and Death
Oh, come on, Shrek, wake up and smell the pheromones!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
Still, things could be a lot worse.
Oh, that's right... I'm falling to my death. Guess they can't.
- the movie Megamind (2010)
I have no fear of the gallows ... They're going to shoot me.
- the movie Love and Death
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Crazy is walking down the street
with half a cantaloupe on your head,
muttering; "I'm a hamster, I'm a hamster."
- the movie Spy Hard (1996)
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton
This is an occasion for genuinely tiny knickers.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary (2001)
It happens - Sometimes.
- the movie Forrest Gump
Frankly, I'm too scared to ask about the frog.
- the movie Tangled (2010)
I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
The seaweed is always greener in somebody else's lake.
- the movie The Little Mermaid (1989)
Greetings, cosmic children of the universe.
Welcome to my serenity circle.
Please leave all bad vibes outside the healing vortex.
- the movie Shrek the Third (2007)
Clear? Huh. Why a four-year-old child
could understand this report.
Run out and find me a four-year-old child,
I can't make head or tail of it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
Where did you park the invisible car?
- the movie Megamind (2010)
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
It's cookies, he smells like cookies,
and the smell gets stronger when he's in heat.
- the movie Michael
Don't threaten me with a dead fish.
- the movie Withnail & I (1987)
Hey, Marge. Isn't it great being married
to someone who's recklessly impulsive?
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
The food at this place is really terrible ...
and such small portions.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
The time-traveling is just too dangerous.
Better that I devote myself to study
the other great mystery of the universe - women!
- the movie Back to the Future II
I don't care whose fault this was, just get it sorted!
And could someone please bring me something deep fat fried
and smothered in chocolate.
- the movie Shrek 2
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
I have a very low threshold of death.
My doctor says I can't have bullets enter my body at any time.
- the Woody Allen movie Casino Royale
I'm awash in self-contempt!
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
I wanted to see exotic Vietnam, the jewel of Southeast Asia.
I, uh, I wanted to meet interesting
and stimulating people of an ancient culture,
and kill them.
- the movie Full Metal Jacket
I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
I have faith. I just need proof to back it up.
- the movie Simon Birch
I can't stand a naked light bulb.
- the movie A Streetcar Named Desire
Go ahead, make my day.
- the movie Sudden Impact (1983)
My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid
Don't expect me to get excited over
another damn thing we need to find.
- Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010)
You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point
You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors
Fasten your safety belts, clench your buttocks!
It's going be a bumpy ride!
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)
Fear of death ... That's funny. I have that too.
My dog has it. It's very common with living creatures.
- the movie Anything Else (2003)
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)
I feel the need to express something,
but I don't know what it is I want to express.
- the movie Interiors
I've always believed that if done properly,
armed robbery doesn't have to be an unpleasant experience.
- the movie Thelma & Louise
Thank you, gentlemen. Someday I will repay you,
unless of course I can't find you, or if I forget.
- the movie Shrek 2
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)
This town needs an enema.
- the movie Batman
There's nothing wrong with being afraid.
We were meant to be afraid.
- the Woody Allen movie Anything Else
After fifteen minutes I wanted to marry her,
and after half an hour
I completely gave up the idea of stealing her purse.
- the movie Take the Money and Run (1969)
If he's first class, I'm traveling steerage.
- the movie Libeled Lady (1936)
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
The world's mental.
- the movie Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.