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Funny Mother Quotes
Funny Quotes about Mother

Let these funny Mother Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Mother is the name for God
in the lips and hearts of little children.
- William Makepeace Thackeray

I don't have a bank account because I don't know my mother's maiden name.
- Paula Poundstone

My mother was against me being an actress -
until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra.
- Angie Dickinson

Don't forget Mother's Day.
Or as they call it in Beverly Hills,
Dad's Third Wife Day.
- Jay Leno


 

Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother
rather than all major credit cards.
- Robert Orben

Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
- H. L. Mencken

A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous


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God Loves an Open Mind, Clean Hands, and a Loving Heart.
So does Your Mother.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

As I have discovered by examining my past,
I started out as a child.
Coincidentally, so did my brother.
My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket,
so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell,
who taught me what was meant by "survival of the fittest."
- Bill Cosby

If we have no peace,
it is because we have forgotten
that we belong to each other.
- Mother Teresa

If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one.
- Mother Teresa

Life is a nurturing mother,
when you just remember to say "thank you."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The girl of my dreams is my mother's shadow,
cast upon the distant movie screen of my future.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Family life was wonderful.
The streets were bleak.
The playgrounds were bleak.
But home was always warm.
My mother and father had a great relationship.
I always felt 'safe' there.
- Robert Cormier

Children are the anchors of a mother's life.
- Sophocles

Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted
is the most terrible poverty.
- Mother Teresa

Who's a boy gonna talk to if not his mother?
- Donald E. Westlake

If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?
- Charles Pierce

My mother taught me that we all have the power to achieve our dreams.
What I lacked was the courage.
- Clay Aiken

I think, at a child's birth,
if a mother could ask a fairy godmother
to endow it with the most useful gift,
that gift should be curiosity.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

There is more hunger for love and appreciation
in this world than for bread.
- Mother Teresa

People in cities may forget the soil for as long as a hundred years,
but Mother Nature's memory is long and she will not
let them forget indefinitely.
- Henry Cantwell Wallace

Necessity is the mother of invention.
- Proverb

My mother gets all mad at me if I stay in a hotel.
I'm 31-years-old, and I don't want to sleep on a sleeping
bag down in the basement.
It's humiliating.
- Ben Affleck

Mother's love grows by giving.
- Charles Lamb

My father was a farmer and my mother was a farmer,
but, my childhood was very good.
I am very grateful for my childhood,
because it was full of gladness and good humanity.
- Roberto Benigni

Morality and its victim, the mother -
what a terrible picture!
Is there indeed anything more terrible,
more criminal, than our glorified sacred function of motherhood?
- Emma Goldman

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for
thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers.
The original meal has never been found.
- Calvin Trillin

My mother said to me, 'If you are a soldier,
you will become a general.
If you are a monk, you will become the Pope.'
Instead,
I was a painter, and became Picasso.
- Pablo Picasso

Enthusiasm is the mother of effort,
and without it nothing great was ever achieved.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I've been through it all, baby, I'm mother courage.
- Elizabeth Taylor

They claim this mother of ours, the Earth,
for their own use, and fence their neighbors away from her,
and deface her with their buildings and their refuse.
- Sitting Bull

You don't have to deserve your mother's love.
You have to deserve your father's.
- Robert Frost

Most American children suffer too much mother and too little father.
- Gloria Steinem

The woman is uniformly sacrificed to the wife and mother.
- Elizabeth Cady Stanton

My father was always telling himself no one was perfect,
not even my mother.
- Broderick Crawford

The interesting thing about being a mother is that everyone wants pets,
but no one but me cleans the kitty litter.
- Meryl Streep

Clearly, society has a tremendous stake in insisting
on a woman's natural fitness for the career of mother:
the alternatives are all too expensive.
- Ann Oakley

Mother is far too clever to understand anything she does not like.
- Arnold Bennett

Both my mother and father were very supportive of any
career move any of us wanted to make.
- James Gandolfini

What is free time? I'm a single mother.
My free moments are filled with loving my little girl.
- Roma Downey

My parents, especially my mother, were no influence on me whatsoever.
- Andy Partridge

A mother's happiness is like a beacon,
lighting up the future but reflected also on the past
in the guise of fond memories.
- Honore de Balzac

The fastest way to break the cycle of perfectionism
and become a fearless is mother is to give up the idea of doing it perfectly -
indeed to embrace uncertainty and imperfection.
- Arianna Huffington

I have an almost religious zeal...
not for technology per se, but for the Internet which is for me,
the nervous system of mother Earth, which I see as a living creature,
linking up.
- Dan Millman

I am no mother, and I won't be one.
- Brigitte Bardot

I always knew that food and wine were vital,
with my mother being Italian and a good cook.
- Robert Mondavi

Why do grandparents and grandchildren get along so well? The mother.
- Claudette Colbert

Where there is a mother in the home,
matters go well.
- Amos Bronson Alcott

Only God Himself fully appreciates the influence of
a Christian mother in the molding of character in her children.
- Billy Graham

A woman must combine the role of mother,
wife and politician.
- Emma Bonino

Of all the roles I've played, none has been as fulfilling as being a mother.
- Annette Funicello

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; ...
Forgive them anyway.
- Kent Keith
(often attributed to Mother Teresa, who kept a copy
on the wall of her orphanage)

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
- Rodney Dangerfield

Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody,
I think that is a much greater hunger,
a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.
- Mother Teresa

My mother used to tell me man gives the award,
God gives the reward.
I don't need another plaque.
- Denzel Washington

No man is responsible for his father.
That was entirely his mother's affair.
- Margaret Turnbull

For me, nothing has ever taken precedence over being
a mother and having a family and a home.
- Jessica Lange

Technology is a gift of God.
After the gift of life it is perhaps the greatest of God's gifts.
It is the mother of civilizations, of arts and of sciences.
- Freeman Dyson

I don't think children's inner feelings have changed.
They still want a mother and father in the very same house;
they want places to play.
- Beverly Cleary

It is not ignorance but knowledge which is the mother of wonder.
- Joseph Wood Krutch

In search of my mother's garden, I found my own.
- Alice Walker

No man succeeds without a good woman behind him.
Wife or mother, if it is both, he is twice blessed indeed.
- Harold MacMillan

There are only two things a child will share willingly;
communicable diseases and its mother's age.
- Benjamin Spock

My mother taught me about the power of inspiration and courage,
and she did it with a strength and a passion that I wish could be bottled.
- Carly Fiorina

Yes, Mother.
I can see you are flawed.
You have not hidden it.
That is your greatest gift to me.
- Alice Walker

My mother asked me what I wanted for my birthday,
so I said I wanted to read poetry with her.
- Guy Johnson

All I am, or can be, I owe to my angel mother.
- Abraham Lincoln

My mother protected me from the world and my father threatened me with it.
- Quentin Crisp

One of the greatest cause of unhappiness -
perhaps even the only cause of unhappiness - is comparison.
I remember as a young child hearing my mother say,
"Comparisons are odious."
That is one of the oldest sayings in the English language,
and one of the most important.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Time is the father of truth, its mother is our mind.
- Giordano Bruno


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.