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Funny Minutes Quotes
Funny Quotes about Minutes

Let these funny Minutes Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

After fifteen minutes I wanted to marry her,
and after half an hour
I completely gave up the idea of stealing her purse.
- the movie Take the Money and Run (1969)

A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black

I'd rather have thirty minutes of wonderful
than a lifetime of nothing special.
- the movie Steel Magnolias

He who asks a question is a fool for five minutes.
He who does not ask a question remains a fool forever.
- Chinese Proverb


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A reporter is always concerned with tomorrow.
There's nothing tangible of yesterday.
All I can say I've done is
agitate the air ten or fifteen minutes
and then boom - it's gone.
- Edward R. Murrow

My reaction to porno films is as follows; After the first ten minutes,
I want to go home and screw; After the first twenty minutes,
I never want to screw again as long as I live
- Erica Jong

A hero is no braver than an ordinary man,
but he is brave five minutes longer.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson


 

A few minutes ago every tree was excited,
bowing to the roaring storm,
waving, swirling, tossing their branches
in glorious enthusiasm like worship.
But though to the outer ear these trees
are now silent, their songs never cease.
- John Muir

I'm going to go in the bathroom and scream.
I'll be out in a minute.
- the Woody Allen movie What's New Pussycat

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it
seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour
and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

The best argument against democracy is
a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
- Winston Churchill

One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man
... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do
every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do.
And if you do any of these things,
he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire
and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever,
and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream,
until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you.
He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin

Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed.
Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute
with love, grace, and gratitude.
- Denis Waitley

For every minute you remain angry,
you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

When you are in any contest,
you should work as if there were -
to the very last minute - a chance to lose it.
This is battle, this is politics, this is anything.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Most people give up just when
they're about to achieve success.
They quit on the one yard line.
They give up at the last minute of the game,
one foot from a winning touch down.
- Ross Perot

When you get into a tight place
and everything goes against you,
till it seems you cannot hold on a minute longer,
never give up then, for that is just
the place and time the tide will turn.
- Harriet Beecher Stowe

Start living now.
Stop saving the good china
for that special occasion.
Stop withholding your love
until that special person materializes.
Every day you are alive is a special occasion.
Every minute, every breath, is a gift from God.
- Mary Manin Morrissey

We have a great life here in Alaska,
and we're never going back to America again!
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

Fasten your safety belts, clench your buttocks!
It's going be a bumpy ride!
- the movie Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)

If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra

I have no fear of the gallows ... They're going to shoot me.
- the movie Love and Death

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

Well excuse me - we've got something
a little unusual going on here -
time travel, parallel universes,
or just a little common ordinary insanity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world,
and the worst of it is that half of them are true.
- Winston Churchill

If you're going to tell people the truth,
be funny or they'll kill you.
- Billy Wilder

If you ask me anything I don't know,
I'm not going to answer.
- Yogi Berra

If everything seems to be going well,
you have obviously overlooked something.
- Anonymous

It was impossible to get a conversation going,
everybody was talking too much.
- Yogi Berra

Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
- Gilbert (G. K.) Chesterton

A politician needs the ability to
foretell what is going to happen
tomorrow, next week, next month, and next year.
And to have the ability afterwards
to explain why it didn't happen.
- Winston Churchill

If you don't know where you're going,
any road will take you there.
- Lewis Carroll
(Alice in Wonderland)

Footprints in the sands of time...
Where have you been?
Where are you going?
Why are you going there?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Find a time and place of solitude.
Look into the distance, and into the future.
Visualize the tomorrow you are going to build -
and begin to build that tomorrow, today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Success consists of going from failure to failure
without loss of enthusiasm.
- Winston Churchill
(also quoted as: "Courage is going from failure to failure
without losing enthusiasm."

The world is perfect. It's a mess.
It has always been a mess.
We are not going to change it.
Our job is to straighten out our own lives.
- Joseph Campbell

Those distractions that turn my attention from
what I thought I was going to do today are not "rat holes";
they are Enchanted Rabbit Holes
with a Magical White Bunny awaiting in each.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Don't underestimate the value of Doing Nothing,
of just going along,
listening to all the things you can't hear,
and not bothering.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

If you are going through hell, keep going.
- Winston Churchill

The big question is whether you are going to be able
to say a hearty yes to your adventure.
- Joseph Campbell

When you see someone putting on his Big Boots,
you can be pretty sure that an Adventure is going to happen.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

A good-bye is never painful unless
you're never going to say hello again.
- Anonymous

I take rejection as someone blowing a bugle in my ear
to wake me up and get going, rather than retreat.
- Sylvester Stallone

You don't get to choose how you're going to die,
only how you're going to live.
- Joan Baez

Feeling overwhelmed by apparent demands on our time
is like going to a restaurant,
ordering everything on the menu,
and complaining about indigestion.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The simplest questions are the most profound.
Where were you born?
Where is your home?
Where are you going?
What are you doing?
Think about these once in a while
and watch your answers change.
- Richard Bach

Going nowhere faster will not get you somewhere.
- Alan Cohen

In a very real sense, it will not be one man going to the moon,
it will be an entire nation.
For all of us must work to put him there.
- John F. Kennedy

There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you
it's going to be a butterfly.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.
- Winston Churchill

We are tied to the ocean.
And when we go back to the sea,
whether it is to sail or to watch -
we are going back from whence we came.
- John F. Kennedy

How often I found where I should be going
only by setting out for somewhere else.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

The world turns aside to let any man pass
who knows where he is going.
- Epictetus

Once you say you're going to settle for second,
that's what happens to you in life.
- John F. Kennedy

The True Path is the path on which
there is no coming and no going.
- Traditional Zen Koan

If you go on with this nuclear arms race,
all you are going to do is make the rubble bounce.
- Winston Churchill

There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth;
not going all the way, and not starting.
- The Buddha

Footprints in the sand...
Where have you been?
Where are you going?
Pay attention.
Don't let resentments or pessimism answer for you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Healing does not mean going back to the way things were before,
but rather allowing what is now to move us closer to God.
- Ram Dass

Don't talk about what you have done
or what you are going to do.
- Thomas Jefferson

You got to be careful if you
don't know where you're going,
because you might not get there.
- Yogi Berra

Is the system going to flatten you out
and deny you your humanity,
or are you going to be able to make use of the system
to the attainment of human purposes?
- Joseph Campbell

I don't see much sense in that," said Rabbit.
"No," said Pooh humbly, "there isn't.
But there was going to be when I began it.
It's just that something happened to it along the way."
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.
- Alfred, Lord Tennyson

A true friend never gets in your way
unless you happen to be going down.
- Arnold H. Glasgow

Future generations are not going to ask us
what political party were you in.
They are going to ask what did you do about it,
when you knew the glaciers were melting.
- Martin Sheen

Breaking up is a natural evolution
when you try to figure out what you want in life.
If you're with an individual
who isn't moving in the same direction
and at the same rate that you are,
it ain't going to work.
- Usher Raymond

Where are you going? Where does your path lead?
You can never know the future, yet wandering aimlessly
is unlikely to be the source of a fulfilling life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Don't think you are going to conceal thoughts
by concealing evidence that they ever existed.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

It is by going down into the abyss
that we recover the treasures of life.
Where you stumble, there lies your treasure.
- Joseph Campbell


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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