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Let these funny Maintained Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Everything deep is also simple
and can be reproduced simply
as long as its reference
to the whole truth is maintained.
But what matters is not what is witty
but what is true.
- Albert Schweitzer
Don't interfere with anything in the Constitution.
That must be maintained, for it is
the only safeguard of our liberties.
- Abraham Lincoln
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
To oppose something is to maintain it.
- Ursula K. Le Guin
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We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive.
He who is devoid of the power to forgive
is devoid of the power to love.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Innocence isn't ever lost completely;
we just need to maintain our goodness to regain it.
- Jewel
Constant development is the law of life,
and a man who always tries to maintain his dogmas
in order to appear consistent
drives himself into a false position.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Being part of the natural world reminds me
that innocence isn't ever lost completely;
we just need to maintain our goodness to regain it.
- Jewel
Let me give you a definition of ethics:
It is good to maintain and further life
it is bad to damage and destroy life.
- Albert Schweitzer
The very nature of the world is constant change.
You set a goal and create a plan to achieve it;
then the assumptions on which you
based your plan change - they always do.
The challenge is to retain your goals
while adapting your tactics.
Relax and stay flexible in order to reach
your goals and maintain your happiness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Maintain a balance between skepticism and faith.
Maintain a beginner mind. Be open to possibility.
Don't give in to skepticism,
but don't give in to fantasy either.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Ecstasy is our very nature;
not to be ecstatic is simply unnecessary.
To be ecstatic is natural, spontaneous.
It needs no effort to be ecstatic,
it needs great effort to be miserable.
That's why you look to tired,
because misery is really hard work;
to maintain it is really difficult,
because you are doing something against nature.
- Osho
Those who are highly evolved,
maintain an undiscriminating perception.
Seeing everything, labeling nothing,
they maintain their awareness of the Great Oneness.
Thus they are supported by it.
- Lao Tzu
We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive.
He who is devoid of the power to forgive
is devoid of the power to love.
There is some good in the worst of us
and some evil in the best of us.
When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith
One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea.
- Walter Bagehot
You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous
We are all atheists about most of the gods
that societies have ever believed in.
Some of us just go one god further.
- Richard Dawkins
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
There is only one thing about which I am certain,
and that is that there is very little
about which one can be certain.
- W. Somerset Maugham
The worst government is often the most moral.
One composed of cynics is often very tolerant and humane.
But when fanatics are on top there is no limit to oppression.
- H. L. Mencken
One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde
Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln
The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson
I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful,
natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
- Steve Martin
When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann
Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.
- Terry Pratchett
Tombs are the clothes of the dead.
A grave is a plain suit;
while an expensive monument is one with embroidery.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller
In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep,
one must above all be a sheep oneself.
- Albert Einstein
One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston
A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous
If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde
That's the secret to life . . .
replace one worry with another.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain
One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche
She drove me to drink.
That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
- the movie Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
When written in Chinese, the word "crisis"
is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.