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Let these funny Lots Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Computers are like Old Testament gods;
lots of rules and no mercy.
- Joseph Campbell
There is no pleasure in having nothing to do;
the fun is in having lots to do and not doing it.
- Mary Wilson Little
Genuine heroes - no batteries needed -
bring lots of open-mind and at least a little courage.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo,
but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you
when the limo breaks down.
- Oprah Winfrey
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Instead of needing lots of children,
we need high-quality children.
- Margaret Mead
Children are curious and are risk takers.
They have lots of courage.
They venture out into a world
that is immense and dangerous.
A child initially trusts life
and the processes of life.
- John Bradshaw
Still, things could be a lot worse.
Oh, that's right... I'm falling to my death. Guess they can't.
- the movie Megamind (2010)
God writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is,
he's stuck with so many bad actors
who don't know how to play funny.
- Garrison Keillor
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Procrastination is like a credit card:
it's a lot of fun until you get the bill.
- Christopher Parker
Reality leaves a lot to the imagination.
- John Lennon
Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother
rather than all major credit cards.
- Robert Orben
Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water.
After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.
- Minnie Pearl
Just remember, after they foreclose on your mortgage,
you get a lot more sunshine in your life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You can observe a lot by just watching.
- Yogi Berra
A lot of presidential memoirs, they say, are dull and self-serving.
I hope mine is interesting and self-serving.
- William J. Clinton
There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world,
and the worst of it is that half of them are true.
- Winston Churchill
Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.
Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill
Time goes by a lot slower when you miss the one you love.
- Anonymous
Choose! If it's worth doing, do it today.
If it's not worth doing today, save yourself a lot
of worry and regret by choosing to permanently
erase it from your to-do list.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I must dedicate my life to teaching my people,
for only education would make their lot less bitter,
their latent power more strong.
- Jimmy Yen
My definition of success is to live your life in a way
that causes you to feel a ton of pleasure and very little pain -
and because of your lifestyle, have the people around you feel
a lot more pleasure than they do pain.
- Tony Robbins
Anyone who proposes to do good
must not expect people to roll stones out of his way,
but must accept his lot calmly,
even if they roll a few stones upon it.
- Albert Schweitzer
When was the last time you took
a different route to work ... just because?
Consider shaking up your life a little (or a lot) ...
for no reason, except to do it.
Let your life be an adventure.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The best morale exist when you never hear the word mentioned.
When you hear a lot of talk about it, it's usually lousy.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Love interrupts, if you like,
the consequences of your actions,
which in my case is very good news indeed,
because I've done a lot of stupid stuff.
- Bono
Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex...
It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage
to move in the opposite direction.
- Albert Einstein
When I look back on all these worries,
I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed
that he had had a lot of trouble in his life,
most of which had never happened.
- Winston Churchill
If people are good only because they
fear punishment, and hope for reward,
then we are a sorry lot indeed.
- Albert Einstein
Do you remember the things you were worrying about a year ago?
Didn't you waste a lot of fruitless energy
on account of most of them?
Didn't most of them turn out all right after all?
- Dale Carnegie
Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today,
at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little,
at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick,
at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful.
- The Buddha
Instead of comparing our lot with that
of those who are more fortunate than we are,
we should compare it with the lot
of the great majority of our fellow men.
It then appears that we are among the privileged.
- Helen Keller
At what point then is the approach of danger to be expected?
I answer, if it ever reach us, it must spring up amongst us.
It cannot come from abroad. If destruction be our lot,
we must ourselves be its author and finisher.
As a nation of freemen, we must live
through all time, or die by suicide.
- Abraham Lincoln
People should be angry about a lot of things
and the peace-and-love thing
doesn't sit comfortably with me at all.
- Bono
He who trusts all things to chance,
makes a lottery of his life
- Proverb
A person who trusts no one can't be trusted.
- Jerome Blattner
Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast,
It is not proud. It does not dishonor others,
It is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered,
It keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts,
always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
- Corinthians 13:4-8 (NIV)
A fool is one who goes on trusting;
a fool is one who goes on trusting against all his experience.
You deceive him, and he trusts you;
and you deceive him again, and he trusts you;
and you deceive him again, and he trusts you.
Then you will say that he is a fool, he does not learn.
His trust is tremendous; his trust is
so pure that nobody can corrupt it.
Be a fool in the Taoist sense, in the Zen sense.
Don't try to create a wall of knowledge around you.
Whatsoever experience comes to you,
let it happen, and then go on dropping it.
Go on cleaning your mind continuously;
go on dying to the past so you remain in the present here-now,
as if just born, just a babe.
- Osho
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
I've become the person I've always hated, but I'm happier.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
A person who never made a mistake
never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein
The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb
And you, Sonja, you look more beautiful
standing here than you do in person.
- the movie Love and Death (1975)
Credit is a system whereby a person who can't pay
gets another person who can't pay
to guarantee that he can pay.
- Charles Dickens
Tell me about a person's family, friends, and community,
and I'll tell you what his opinions are.
- Mark Twain
(paraphrase)
Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin
Inside every cynical person,
there is a disappointed idealist.
- George Carlin
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin
What would be the use of immortality to a person
who cannot use well a half an hour.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous
I can't go back to yesterday -
because I was a different person then.
- Lewis Carroll
A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black
Love is when the other person's happiness
is more important than your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person.
Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
- Oscar Wilde
Friendship is born at that moment
when one person says to another,
"What! You too? I thought I was the only one."
- C. S. Lewis
Never say goodbye when you still want to try,
never give up when you still feel you can't take it.
Never say you don't love the person anymore
when you can't let go.
- Anonymous
Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody,
I think that is a much greater hunger,
a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.
- Mother Teresa
If one does not understand a person,
one tends to regard him as a fool.
- Carl Jung
Resenting someone is a way of never leaving that person.
- Kare Anderson
An unclean person is universally a slothful one.
- Henry David Thoreau
Resenting someone, or hating someone, ensures that
you can never emotionally escape that person.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Truth is absolute, but only to one person.
My truth is absolute to me, and your truth is absolute to you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We are afraid to care too much, for fear
that the other person does not care at all.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
The most pathetic person in the world
is someone who has sight, but has no vision.
- Helen Keller
We know what a person thinks not when he tells us
what he thinks, but by his actions.
- Isaac Bashevis Singe
Jealousy is that pain which a man feels
from the apprehension that he is not equally beloved
by the person whom he entirely loves.
- Joseph Addison
There is an optical illusion about every person we meet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Good for who? Good for what?
There is no absolute "good."
"Good" is simply one person's preference.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The shoe that fits one person pinches another;
there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.
- Carl Jung
A competent and self-confident person is
incapable of jealousy in anything.
Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.
- Robert A. Heinlein
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.