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Life Quotes and Sayings
Funny Quotes about Life
The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel
Related topics: Cute Whimsey Human-Nature Psychology Favorite-Quotes Growing-Up
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed) 
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln
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The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
If (s)he's an apple and you're an orange,
celebrate your differences -
make a great fruit salad.
Love isn't about being the same -
it's about being sweet with each other.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon
The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
They have come up with a perfect understanding.
He won't try to run her life,
and he won't try to run his, either.
- Anonymous
She generally gave herself very good advice,
(though she very seldom followed it).
- Lewis Carroll
Sucking the marrow out of life
doesn't mean choking on the bone.
- Robin Williams as John Keating
in the 1989 movie Dead Poets Society
Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous
Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
I don't believe in the after life,
although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen
Persevere. Plan. Strategize. Focus. Breathe. Write.
Let go: relax. Forgive. All this failing: take a nap.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
You can observe a lot by just watching.
- Yogi Berra
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)
If life is a bowl of cherries, then what am I doing in the pits?
- Erma Bombeck
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
It takes a big cat to be number 2.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Happiness is a figment of the imagination.
Imagine happiness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Only a fool tests the depth of the water with both feet.
- African Proverb
All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
We have a great life here in Alaska,
and we're never going back to America again!
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
I ride my blue polka-dot horse through the byways of life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Stay Happy, never let anyone get your goat.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Just remember, after they foreclose on your mortgage,
you get a lot more sunshine in your life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Give me the luxuries of life
and I will willingly do without the necessities.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is like a roller coaster - scream Whee... on the way down,
and let the momentum carry you back up the next hill.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Today, I Tap Dance Across The Stage of Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is far too important a thing
ever to talk seriously about.
- Oscar Wilde
The third certainty of life, after death and taxes,
is that nothing will work out the way you want.
Life is fully as bad as you think it is.
Choose to live joyfully anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
This is your day to Laugh at Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When life is like a slippery downhill slope,
go skiing and scream Whee... all the way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is uncertain; always eat dessert first.
- Anonymous
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain
If life is a trial, who is the judge and jury?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Laugh at Life - it's certainly laughing at you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A person is smart. People are dumb,
panicky dangerous animals and you know it.
Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew
the Earth was the center of the universe.
Five hundred years ago,
everybody knew the Earth was flat,
and fifteen minutes ago,
you knew that humans were alone on this planet.
Imagine what you'll know tomorrow.
- the movie Men in Black
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer
but wish we didn't.
- Erica Jong
That's the secret to life . . .
replace one worry with another.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
I have spent many years of my life in opposition,
and I rather like the role.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
May You Dance Lightly With Life, and Have a Whimsical Day.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant
I could hardly stand to have the old man around.
But when I got to be 21, I was astonished
at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
- Mark Twain
You may as well laugh at life,
because it's certainly laughing at you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek
Any idiot can face a crisis.
It's the day-to-day living that wears you out.
- Anton Chekhov
Our loyalties must transcend our race, our tribe,
our class, and our nation;
and this means we must develop a world perspective.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Life - for most people - is their past projected large
onto the movie screen of their future.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin
My life has been filled with terrible misfortune;
most of which never happened.
- Michel Eyquem De Montaigne
Science may have found a cure for most evils;
but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all -
the apathy of human beings.
- Helen Keller
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