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Funny Lawyers Quotes
Funny Quotes about Lawyers

Let these funny Lawyers Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
- Anonymous

Discourage litigation.
Persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can.
As a peacemaker the lawyer has
superior opportunity of being a good man.
There will still be business enough.
- Abraham Lincoln

If the present Congress errs in too much talking,
how can it be otherwise in a body to which the people
send one hundred and fifty lawyers,
whose trade it is to question everything,
yield nothing, and talk by the hour?
- Thomas Jefferson

Many of us have been conditioned to trust others' opinions
more than our own, and I believe that sort of trust is excessive.
This is especially true with regard to authority figures -
doctors, lawyers, priests. I trust my doctor's intentions toward me,
but I don't blindly follow his suggestions
without checking other sources also.
He was trained to prescribe a pill for everything,
and does it with the best of intentions,
but I often choose to trust God's quiet voice inside me
rather than my doctor's medical advice.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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The lawyer's truth is not Truth,
but consistency or a consistent expediency.
- Henry David Thoreau

Trust:
Perhaps you trust your doctor,
your lawyer, your boss - perhaps not.
Perhaps you trust in a "Higher Power" - perhaps you don't.
Trust is something that we become aware of in unusual situations,
such as a once-in-a-lifetime ride on a zip-line,
but most of the time, we become oblivious
to the trust we have, or don't have.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary


 

Strike an average between what a woman thinks of her husband
a month before she marries him
and what she thinks of him a year afterward,
and you will have the truth about him.
- H. L. Mencken

A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth.
- Will Rogers

All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

If you're going to tell people the truth,
be funny or they'll kill you.
- Billy Wilder

If you are out to describe the truth,
leave elegance to the tailor.
- Albert Einstein

Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Bad taste is simply saying the truth before it should be said.
- Mel Brooks

My way of joking is telling the truth;
that is the funniest joke in the world.
- George Bernard Shaw

Tell the truth, or someone will tell it for you.
- Stephanie Klein

The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.
- Oscar Wilde

Truth is stranger than fiction,
but that is because Fiction is obliged
to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.
- Mark Twain

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
- George Carlin

Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill

Truth is a tendency.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
- Mark Twain

Always speak the truth,
think before you speak,
and write it down afterwards.
- Lewis Carroll

The rarest quality in an epitaph is truth.
- Henry David Thoreau

When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw

Soon we'll be out amid the cold world's strife.
Soon we'll be sliding down the razor blade of life.
But as we go our sordid sep'rate ways,
We shall ne'er forget thee, thou golden college days.
Hearts full of youth,
Hearts full of truth,
Six parts gin to one part vermouth.
- Tom Lehrer - song: Bright College Days,
album: An Evening Wasted With Tom Lehrer

The words of truth are always paradoxical.
- Lao Tzu

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person.
Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.
- Oscar Wilde

Use the power of your word
in the direction of truth and love.
- don Miguel Ruiz

The water in a vessel is sparkling;
the water in the sea is dark.
The small truth has words which are clear;
the great truth has great silence.
- Rabindranath Tagore

The truth. It is a beautiful and terrible thing,
and should be treated with caution.
- J. K. Rowling

I am sorry to think that you do not get a man's
most effective criticism until you provoke him.
Severe truth is expressed with some bitterness.
- Henry David Thoreau

We are not afraid to follow truth
wherever it may lead,
nor to tolerate any error
so long as reason is left free to combat it.
- Thomas Jefferson

Intense feeling too often obscures the truth.
- Harry S. Truman

A man must be both stupid and uncharitable
who believes there is no virtue or truth but on his own side.
- Joseph Addison

Our actions are constrained by fear of reprisal,
but our dreams reveal our true character.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We take refuge in pride,
because we are afraid to tell the truth to ourselves.
- Kakuzo Okakura

Every mind must make its choice
between truth and repose.
It cannot have both.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Truth is absolute, but only to one person.
My truth is absolute to me, and your truth is absolute to you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When you are sorrowful, look again in your heart,
and you shall see that in truth
you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
- Khalil Gibran

Having a personal opinion is great.
Believing that one's personal opinion is absolute truth
leads to most of the world's troubles.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The goal of education is the advancement of knowledge
and the dissemination of truth.
- John F. Kennedy

Truth stands, even if there be no public support.
It is self-sustained.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Even if you are a minority of one,
the truth is the truth.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

An error does not become truth
by reason of multiplied propagation,
nor does truth become error because nobody sees it.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

The truth of the matter is that
you always know the right thing to do.
The hard part is doing it.
- Norman Schwarzkoff

Beauty is truth's smile when she beholds
her own face in a perfect mirror.
- Rabindranath Tagore

The presence of those seeking the truth
is infinitely to be preferred
to the presence of those who think they've found it.
- Terry Pratchett

A day spent without the sight or sound of beauty,
the contemplation of mystery,
or the search of truth or perfection
is a poverty-stricken day; and a succession
of such days is fatal to human life.
- Lewis Mumford

Morality is the basis of things
and truth is the substance of all morality.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

The truth is like a scalpel. The truth is painful.
- don Miguel Ruiz

Losing an illusion makes you wiser than finding a truth.
- Ludwig Boerne

Everything deep is also simple
and can be reproduced simply
as long as its reference
to the whole truth is maintained.
But what matters is not what is witty
but what is true.
- Albert Schweitzer

Whoever undertakes to set himself up
as a judge of Truth and Knowledge
is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods.
- Albert Einstein

The false can never grow into truth by growing in power.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Love is not a mere sentiment.
Love is the ultimate truth at the heart of creation.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Three things cannot be long hidden:
the sun, the moon, and the truth.
- The Buddha

I am committed to truth, not consistency.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Truth never damages a cause that is just.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

It's essential to tell the truth at all times.
This will reduce life's pain.
Lying distorts reality.
All forms of distorted thinking must be corrected.
- John Bradshaw

Knowledge of the Truth makes us free
by aligning us with that which was never bound.
- Ernest Holmes

If you have found your truth within yourself
there is nothing more in this whole existence to find.
- Osho

We tell the real truth of our life
by the stories we repeatedly tell.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

The problem with making assumptions
is that we believe they are the truth
- don Miguel Ruiz

Men have always detested women's gossip
because they suspect the truth:
their measurements are being taken and compared.
- Erica Jong

Even the truth, when believed, is a lie.
You must experience the truth, not believe it.
- Werner Erhard

'Tis strange - but true;
for truth is always strange;
Stranger than fiction.
- Lord Byron

About most subjects, there is not "The Truth;"
there is merely one's personal truth.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

To kill an error is as good a service as,
and sometimes even better than,
the establishing of a new truth or fact.
- Charles Darwin

The slavery of fear had made men afraid to think.
But such is the irresistible nature of truth,
that all it asks, and all it wants, is the liberty of appearing.
- Thomas Paine, Rights of Man, 1791


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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