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Funny Lawyer Quotes
Funny Quotes about Lawyer

Let these funny Lawyer Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

The lawyer's truth is not Truth,
but consistency or a consistent expediency.
- Henry David Thoreau

Discourage litigation.
Persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can.
As a peacemaker the lawyer has
superior opportunity of being a good man.
There will still be business enough.
- Abraham Lincoln

Trust:
Perhaps you trust your doctor,
your lawyer, your boss - perhaps not.
Perhaps you trust in a "Higher Power" - perhaps you don't.
Trust is something that we become aware of in unusual situations,
such as a once-in-a-lifetime ride on a zip-line,
but most of the time, we become oblivious
to the trust we have, or don't have.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
- Anonymous


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If the present Congress errs in too much talking,
how can it be otherwise in a body to which the people
send one hundred and fifty lawyers,
whose trade it is to question everything,
yield nothing, and talk by the hour?
- Thomas Jefferson

Many of us have been conditioned to trust others' opinions
more than our own, and I believe that sort of trust is excessive.
This is especially true with regard to authority figures -
doctors, lawyers, priests. I trust my doctor's intentions toward me,
but I don't blindly follow his suggestions
without checking other sources also.
He was trained to prescribe a pill for everything,
and does it with the best of intentions,
but I often choose to trust God's quiet voice inside me
rather than my doctor's medical advice.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is ten percent what happens to you
and ninety percent how you respond to it.
- Lou Holtz


 

Ninety-nine percent of who you are
is invisible and untouchable.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

Life is 10 percent what happens to me
and 90 percent how I react to it.
- Charles Swindoll

A democracy is nothing more than mob rule,
where fifty-one percent of the people
may take away the rights of the other forty-nine.
- attributed to Thomas Jefferson

Choose your life's mate carefully.
From this one decision will come
90 percent of all your happiness or misery.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

We still do not know one thousandth of one percent
of what nature has revealed to us.
- Albert Einstein

Genius is one percent inspiration
and ninety-nine percent perspiration.
- Thomas Edison

You miss one hundred percent of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Eighty percent of success is showing up.
- Woody Allen

Ninety-nine percent of the failures
come from people who have the habit of making excuses.
- George Washington Carver

The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.
Attitude to me is more important than facts.
It is more important than the past, than education, than money,
than circumstances, than failures, than success,
than what other people think or say or do.
It is more important than appearance, gift, or skill.
It will make or break a company ... a church ... a home.
The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day
regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day.
We cannot change our past ...
we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.
We cannot change the inevitable.
The only thing we can do is play on the string we have,
and that is our attitude.
I am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me
and 90 percent how I react to it.
And so it is with you ...
we are in charge of our attitudes.
- Charles Swindoll

Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz

Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel

Life is always lived in the eye-of-the-storm
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain

Life is a journey - enjoy the journey.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon

In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon

Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

Life is defined more by its contrasts than its samenesses;
Life is defined more by its risks than the many securities.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain

The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett

Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous

Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If life is a trial, who is the judge and jury?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)

Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're gonna get.
- the movie Forrest Gump

Science may have found a cure for most evils;
but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all -
the apathy of human beings.
- Helen Keller

Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln

Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...
It's about learning to Dance in the Rain.
- Vivian Greene

In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek

Only a fool tests the depth of the water with both feet.
- African Proverb

Persevere. Plan. Strategize. Focus. Breathe. Write.
Let go: relax. Forgive. All this failing: take a nap.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

You can observe a lot by just watching.
- Yogi Berra

We have a great life here in Alaska,
and we're never going back to America again!
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

They have come up with a perfect understanding.
He won't try to run her life,
and he won't try to run his, either.
- Anonymous

I love and treasure individuals as I meet them;
I loathe and despise the groups
they identify with and belong to.
- George Carlin

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer
but wish we didn't.
- Erica Jong

All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie

Life is a succession of lessons
which must be lived to be understood.
- Helen Keller

Play with life, laugh with life,
dance lightly with life,
and smile at the riddles of life,
knowing that life's only true lessons
are writ small in the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

Some things will never seem adequate
no matter how hard we try.
- from the movie White Man's Burden

All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The true meaning of life is to plant trees,
under whose shade you do not expect to sit.
- Nelson Henderson

Knavery and flattery are blood relations.
- Abraham Lincoln


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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