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Funny Kills Quotes
Funny Quotes about Kills

Let these funny Kills Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

It's stasis that kills you off in the end, not ambition.
- Bono

The tongue like a sharp knife...
Kills without drawing blood.
- The Buddha

It is not work that kills men; it is worry.
Worry is rust upon the blade.
- Henry Ward Beecher

What kills a skunk is the publicity it gives itself.
- Abraham Lincoln


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It's not what you don't know that kills you,
it's what you know for sure that ain't true.
- Mark Twain

Anger is a killing thing:
it kills the man who angers,
for each rage leaves him less than he had been before -
it takes something from him.
- Louis L'Amour

Bigotry tries to keep truth safe in its hand
with a grip that kills it.
- Rabindranath Tagore


 

Every optimist moves along with progress and hastens it,
while every pessimist would keep the worlds at a standstill.
The consequence of pessimism in the life of a nation
is the same as in the life of the individual.
Pessimism kills the instinct that
urges men to struggle against poverty,
ignorance and crime, and dries up
all the fountains of joy in the world.
- Helen Keller

There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt.
Doubt separates people.
It is a poison that disintegrates
friendships and breaks up pleasant relations.
It is a thorn that irritates and hurts;
it is a sword that kills.
- The Buddha

I wanted to see exotic Vietnam, the jewel of Southeast Asia.
I, uh, I wanted to meet interesting
and stimulating people of an ancient culture,
and kill them.
- the movie Full Metal Jacket

Join the army. Visit strange and exotic places.
Meet fascinating people. And kill them.
- Anonymous

If you're going to tell people the truth,
be funny or they'll kill you.
- Billy Wilder

The possession of knowledge does not
kill the sense of wonder and mystery.
There is always more mystery.
- Anais Nin

Because we believe that our ethnic group,
our society, our political party, our God,
is better than your God, we kill each other.
- Neale Donald Walsch

When you have to kill a man,
it costs nothing to be polite.
- Winston Churchill

The squirrel that you kill in jest, dies in earnest.
- Henry David Thoreau

As if you could kill time without injuring eternity.
- Henry David Thoreau

Domestic policy can only defeat us; foreign policy can kill us.
- John F. Kennedy

What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger.
- Friedrich Nietzsche

If anyone is crazy enough to want to kill
a president of the United States, he can do it.
All he must be prepared to do is give his life for the president's.
- John F. Kennedy

A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails,
and then asks you not to kill him.
- Winston Churchill

The ugliest word in the world is revenge.
It spells hate; it spells fear; it spells greed.
For my loss, I must kill; I must steal - must avenge.
It's your fault; you must pay; you must bleed.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I am prepared to die, but there is no cause
for which I am prepared to kill.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

To kill an error is as good a service as,
and sometimes even better than,
the establishing of a new truth or fact.
- Charles Darwin

Remain in wonder if you want the mysteries to open up for you.
Mysteries never open up for those who go on questioning.
Questioners sooner or later end up in a library.
Questioners sooner or later end up with scriptures,
because scriptures are full of answers.
And answers are dangerous, they kill your wonder.
- Osho

Each of us holds a different image of God.
There are as many perspectives on
the nature of God as there are people.
However much any of us may choose to argue,
or to fight and kill, for our point of view,
the nature of God is an unanswerable question.
Perhaps there is a specific answer,
that we will never learn - in this lifetime.
Perhaps the nature of God is so complex and multifaceted
that each view of God describes an aspect of the complex whole.
Or perhaps the nature of God is actually defined by our beliefs.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
- Edgar Bergen

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove

I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein

Politics is almost as exciting as war, and quite as dangerous.
In war you can only be killed once, but in politics many times.
- Winston Churchill

In war, you can only be killed once,
but in politics, many times.
- Winston Churchill

As the eagle was killed by the arrow winged with his own feather,
so the hand of the world is wounded by its own skill.
- Helen Keller

There is always inequality in life.
Some men are killed in a war and some men are wounded
and some men never leave the country.
Life is unfair.
- John F. Kennedy

Anxiety is love's greatest killer.
It makes one feel as you might
when a drowning man holds unto you.
You want to save him, but you know
he will strangle you with his panic.
- Anais Nin

We will not learn how to live together in peace
by killing each other's children.
- Jimmy Carter

It is a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion
will legislate its creed into law
if it acquires the political power to do so,
and will follow it by suppressing opposition,
subverting all education to seize early the minds of the young,
and by killing, locking up, or driving underground all heretics.
- Robert Heinlein

Let me say this as clearly as I can:
No matter how sharp a grievance or how deep a hurt,
there is no justification for killing innocents.
- William J. Clinton

I don't believe in killing whatever the reason!
- John Lennon

Man lives freely only by his readiness to die, if need be,
at the hands of his brother, never by killing him.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

It is my conviction that killing under the cloak of war
is nothing but an act of murder.
- Albert Einstein

War may sometimes be a necessary evil.
But no matter how necessary,
it is always an evil, never a good.
We will not learn how to live together in peace
by killing each other's children.
- Jimmy Carter

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain

Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous

Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)

I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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