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Let these funny Killed Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
- Edgar Bergen
Politics is almost as exciting as war, and quite as dangerous.
In war you can only be killed once, but in politics many times.
- Winston Churchill
I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein
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In war, you can only be killed once,
but in politics, many times.
- Winston Churchill
As the eagle was killed by the arrow winged with his own feather,
so the hand of the world is wounded by its own skill.
- Helen Keller
There is always inequality in life.
Some men are killed in a war and some men are wounded
and some men never leave the country.
Life is unfair.
- John F. Kennedy
I wanted to see exotic Vietnam, the jewel of Southeast Asia.
I, uh, I wanted to meet interesting
and stimulating people of an ancient culture,
and kill them.
- the movie Full Metal Jacket
If you're going to tell people the truth,
be funny or they'll kill you.
- Billy Wilder
Join the army. Visit strange and exotic places.
Meet fascinating people. And kill them.
- Anonymous
The possession of knowledge does not
kill the sense of wonder and mystery.
There is always more mystery.
- Anais Nin
The squirrel that you kill in jest, dies in earnest.
- Henry David Thoreau
When you have to kill a man,
it costs nothing to be polite.
- Winston Churchill
Because we believe that our ethnic group,
our society, our political party, our God,
is better than your God, we kill each other.
- Neale Donald Walsch
What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
If anyone is crazy enough to want to kill
a president of the United States, he can do it.
All he must be prepared to do is give his life for the president's.
- John F. Kennedy
To kill an error is as good a service as,
and sometimes even better than,
the establishing of a new truth or fact.
- Charles Darwin
As if you could kill time without injuring eternity.
- Henry David Thoreau
A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails,
and then asks you not to kill him.
- Winston Churchill
Domestic policy can only defeat us; foreign policy can kill us.
- John F. Kennedy
I am prepared to die, but there is no cause
for which I am prepared to kill.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The ugliest word in the world is revenge.
It spells hate; it spells fear; it spells greed.
For my loss, I must kill; I must steal - must avenge.
It's your fault; you must pay; you must bleed.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Remain in wonder if you want the mysteries to open up for you.
Mysteries never open up for those who go on questioning.
Questioners sooner or later end up in a library.
Questioners sooner or later end up with scriptures,
because scriptures are full of answers.
And answers are dangerous, they kill your wonder.
- Osho
Each of us holds a different image of God.
There are as many perspectives on
the nature of God as there are people.
However much any of us may choose to argue,
or to fight and kill, for our point of view,
the nature of God is an unanswerable question.
Perhaps there is a specific answer,
that we will never learn - in this lifetime.
Perhaps the nature of God is so complex and multifaceted
that each view of God describes an aspect of the complex whole.
Or perhaps the nature of God is actually defined by our beliefs.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It's stasis that kills you off in the end, not ambition.
- Bono
The tongue like a sharp knife...
Kills without drawing blood.
- The Buddha
It is not work that kills men; it is worry.
Worry is rust upon the blade.
- Henry Ward Beecher
It's not what you don't know that kills you,
it's what you know for sure that ain't true.
- Mark Twain
Anger is a killing thing:
it kills the man who angers,
for each rage leaves him less than he had been before -
it takes something from him.
- Louis L'Amour
Bigotry tries to keep truth safe in its hand
with a grip that kills it.
- Rabindranath Tagore
What kills a skunk is the publicity it gives itself.
- Abraham Lincoln
Every optimist moves along with progress and hastens it,
while every pessimist would keep the worlds at a standstill.
The consequence of pessimism in the life of a nation
is the same as in the life of the individual.
Pessimism kills the instinct that
urges men to struggle against poverty,
ignorance and crime, and dries up
all the fountains of joy in the world.
- Helen Keller
There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt.
Doubt separates people.
It is a poison that disintegrates
friendships and breaks up pleasant relations.
It is a thorn that irritates and hurts;
it is a sword that kills.
- The Buddha
Anxiety is love's greatest killer.
It makes one feel as you might
when a drowning man holds unto you.
You want to save him, but you know
he will strangle you with his panic.
- Anais Nin
It is a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion
will legislate its creed into law
if it acquires the political power to do so,
and will follow it by suppressing opposition,
subverting all education to seize early the minds of the young,
and by killing, locking up, or driving underground all heretics.
- Robert Heinlein
We will not learn how to live together in peace
by killing each other's children.
- Jimmy Carter
It is my conviction that killing under the cloak of war
is nothing but an act of murder.
- Albert Einstein
I don't believe in killing whatever the reason!
- John Lennon
Let me say this as clearly as I can:
No matter how sharp a grievance or how deep a hurt,
there is no justification for killing innocents.
- William J. Clinton
Man lives freely only by his readiness to die, if need be,
at the hands of his brother, never by killing him.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
War may sometimes be a necessary evil.
But no matter how necessary,
it is always an evil, never a good.
We will not learn how to live together in peace
by killing each other's children.
- Jimmy Carter
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith
Almost any sect, cult, or religion will
legislate its creed into law
if it acquires the political power.
- Robert A. Heinlein
People who want to share their religious views with you
almost never want you to share yours with them.
- Dave Barry
In religion and politics, people's belief's and convictions
are in almost every case gotten at second hand,
and without examination
- Mark Twain
The urge to save humanity is almost always
a false front for the urge to rule.
- H. L. Mencken
People are stupid;
given proper motivation, almost anyone will believe almost anything.
Because people are stupid, they will believe a lie
because they want to believe it's true,
or because they are afraid it might be true.
- Terry Goodkind
The boldness of endurance is
the underline to almost every success.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
You can conquer almost any fear
if you will only make up your mind to do so.
For remember, fear doesn't exist
anywhere except in the mind.
- Dale Carnegie
Jealousy is a disease, love is a healthy condition.
The immature mind often mistakes one for the other,
or assumes that the greater the love, the greater the jealousy -
in fact, they're almost incompatible;
one emotion hardly leaves room for the other.
Both at once can produce unbearable turmoil.
- Robert Heinlein
He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
My experience has been that work is
almost the best way to pull oneself out of the depths.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Almost always, the creative dedicated minority
has made the world better.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
When you are winning a war
almost everything that happens
can be claimed to be right and wise.
- Winston Churchill
For those who are bored with life,
the path to happiness almost always comes
through service to the less-fortunate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When a person doesn't have gratitude,
something is missing in his or her humanity.
A person can almost be defined by
his or her attitude toward gratitude.
- Elie Wiesel
Great leaders are almost always great simplifiers,
who can cut through argument, debate, and doubt
to offer a solution everybody can understand.
- Colin Powell
A man can succeed at almost anything
for which he has unlimited enthusiasm.
- Charles M. Schwab
So long as we are loved by others,
I would almost say that we are indispensable;
and no man is useless while he has a friend.
- Robert Louis Stevenson
Almost nothing you worry about today
will matter in a hundred years.
Think carefully about what you can focus on today.
Choose tasks that will actually make a positive difference
to your great-grandchildren.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If men can develop weapons that are so terrifying
as to make the thought of global war
include almost a sentence for suicide,
you would think that man's intelligence and his comprehension...
would include also his ability to find a peaceful solution.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don't.
If you'd like to win, but think you can't
It's almost a cinch you won't.
Life's battles don't always go to the stronger or faster man;
But soon or late the man who wins is the one who thinks he can.
- Anonymous
Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence.
Talent will not;
nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent.
Genius will not;
unrewarded genius is almost a proverb.
Education will not;
the world is full of educated derelicts.
Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent.
- Calvin Coolidge
Anger is something that each one of us has experienced -
some of us only occasionally, some almost daily.
Can we eliminate all anger? Probably not.
We will always have expectations,
and those expectations will often be unmet.
Disappointment is the principle cause of anger.
When we are disappointed, we look for someone to blame.
Declaring someone to be at fault is the nature of anger.
Anger is always directed at someone -
possibly toward God or the non-specific "they,"
but at some animate entity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Rarely do we find men who willingly engage in hard, solid thinking.
There is an almost universal quest
for easy answers and half-baked solutions.
Nothing pains some people more than having to think.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Pray for the angry,
but express your prayers and intentions silently.
Saying openly to an angry person,
"I pray for you to receive inner-peace."
is almost certain to provoke an even angrier reaction.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Consider being more acceptive of your partner's behaviors.
It is unlikely that they are intentionally aggravating you.
Almost always, they are just doing what they think they should do.
Try setting aside your own rules for how they should behave,
and adopt a live-and-let-live attitude.
Your relationship will become stronger and happier if you do.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Everywhere I look, I see the evidence of a creator.
But I don't see it as religion,
which has cut Irish people in two.
I don't see Jesus Christ as being
in any part of a religion.
Religion to me is almost like when God leaves -
and people devise a set of rules to fill the space.
- Bono
Do you not know that there comes a midnight hour
when every one has to throw off his mask?
Do you believe that life will always let itself be mocked?
Do you think you can slip away a little before midnight
in order to avoid this? Or are you not terrified by it?
I have seen men in real life who so long deceived others
that at last their true nature could not reveal itself;...
In every man there is something which to a certain degree
prevents him from becoming perfectly transparent to himself;
and this may be the case in so high a degree,
he may be so inexplicably woven into relationships of life
which extend far beyond himself that he almost cannot reveal himself.
But he who cannot reveal himself cannot love,
and he who cannot love is the most unhappy man of all.
- Soren Kierkegaard
Probably the happiest period in life
most frequently is in middle age,
when the eager passions of youth are cooled,
and the infirmities of age not yet begun;
as we see that the shadows,
which are at morning and evening so large,
almost entirely disappear at midday.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.