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Let these funny Justified Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Whenever you choose to carry resentment and hatred,
you are shouldering an immense burden that damages
your happiness, and often your health.
Does it matter that your resentment and hatred are "justified?"
Only you suffer - not the person you resent.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The claim "I was only following orders" has been used
to justify too many tragedies in our history.
- Captain Picard of the television series
STAR TREK: The Next Generation
I think what's going on in Guantanamo Bay
and other places is a disgrace to the U.S.A.
I wouldn't say it's the cause of terrorism,
but it has given impetus and excuses to potential terrorists
to lash out at our country and justify their despicable acts.
- Jimmy Carter
Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom.
- Rabindranath Tagore
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We must be free not because we claim freedom,
but because we practice it.
- William Faulkner
I claim that human mind or human society
is not divided into watertight compartments
called social, political and religious.
All act and react upon one another.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
I claim to be a simple individual liable
to err like any other fellow mortal.
I own, however, that I have humility enough
to confess my errors and to retrace my steps.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
We are born at a given moment, in a given place and,
like vintage years of wine, we have the qualities of the year
and of the season of which we are born.
Astrology does not lay claim to anything more.
- Carl Jung
The first sigh of love is the last breath of wisdom.
- Anonymous
Love conquers all things except poverty and a toothache.
- Mae West
Love is an irresistible desire
to be irresistibly desired.
- Robert Frost
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken
Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
- H. L. Mencken
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran
True love comes quietly,
without banners or flashing lights.
If you hear bells, get your ears checked.
- Erich Segal
The Wedding March always reminds me of the music
played when soldiers go into battle.
- Heinrich Heine
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
Save a boyfriend for a rainy day -
and another, in case it doesn't rain.
- Mae West
I love to shop after a bad relationship.
I don't know. I buy a new outfit
and it makes me feel better. It just does.
Sometimes I see a really great outfit,
I'll break up with someone on purpose.
- Rita Rudner
My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous
Oh, come on, Shrek, wake up and smell the pheromones!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous
A woman in love can't be reasonable -
or she probably wouldn't be in love.
- Mae West
One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston
Love thy neighbor -
and if he happens to be tall,
debonair and devastating,
it will be that much easier.
- Mae West
Love is loving what your lover loves.
- Anonymous
Love is metaphysical gravity.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
True love is like ghosts,
which everyone talks about and few have seen.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Love looks through a telescope;
envy, through a microscope.
- Josh Billings
The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson
My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner
I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton
Love is only a dirty trick played on us
to achieve continuation of the species.
- W. Somerset Maugham
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
Love is a grave mental disease.
- Plato
The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
- Anonymous
We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong
He who marries for love without money
has good nights and sorry days.
- Anonymous
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Where there is great love,
there are always miracles.
- Willa Cather
Where There is Love, Nothing is Missing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
This is my ultimate fantasy:
watching QVC with a credit card
while making love and eating at the same time.
- Yasmine Bleeth
If love is the answer,
could you please rephrase the question.
- Lily Tomlin
Love means not ever having to say you're sorry.
- Erich Segal
A big part of letting go is recognizing
when it is time to stay in a situation
and when it is time to move on.
- Darren L. Johnson
This day I will marry my friend,
the one I laugh with, live for, dream with, love.
- Anonymous
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you're wrong, admit it;
Whenever you're right, shut up.
- Ogden Nash
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
You may call God love, you may call God goodness.
But the best name for God is compassion.
- Meister Eckhart
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
The magic words for a great relationship are,
"I love you just the way you are."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Look your best - who said love is blind?
- Mae West
I Dream This Day of Wondrous Things,
of Peace and Hope and Pride.
I Dance My Dance with Life Today,
I'm Filled with Love Inside.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Love is the flower you've got to let grow.
- John Lennon
Love one another but make not a bond of love.
Let it rather be a moving sea
between the shores of your souls.
- Khalil Gibran
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
True love is a process of co-creation
in which neither feels ownership or superiority.
Jealousy is a highly destructive force
for love and relationships.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
Love is when the other person's happiness
is more important than your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.