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Let these funny Jones Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
This is an occasion for genuinely tiny knickers.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary (2001)
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
I truly believe that happiness is possible...
even when you're thirty-three
and have a bottom the size of two bowling balls.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason
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We have not yet begun to fight.
- John Paul Jones
Love doesn't make the world go 'round,
Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.
- Franklin P. Jones
Mindfulness means being awake.
It means being aware of what you are doing.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn
We take care of the future best by taking care of the present now.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn
Look at other people and ask yourself
if you are really seeing them or just your thoughts about them.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn
Dwell in stillness.
Observe without reacting and without judging.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn
At the deepest level, there is no giver, no gift, and no recipient...
only the universe rearranging itself.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn
Any change that comes about in your life
will be primarily because of your own efforts.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn
Just watch this moment, without trying to change it at all.
What is happening? What do you feel?
What do you see? What do you hear?
- Jon Kabat-Zinn
There is just this moment.
We are not trying to improve or to get anywhere else.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn
Give yourself permission to allow this moment to be exactly as it is,
and allow yourself to be exactly as you are.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn
Breathe and let be.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn
Practice moment to moment non-judgemental awareness.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn
Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way:
on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn
Patience is a form of wisdom.
It demonstrates that we understand and accept
the fact that sometimes things must unfold in their own time.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn
Simply put, mindfulness is moment-to-moment non-judgmental awareness.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn
If you really aren't trying to get anywhere else in this moment,
patience takes care of itself.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn
The mind constantly chatters.
That chatter winds up being the force
that drives us much of the day in terms of what we do,
what we react to, and how we feel.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn
Meditation is neither shutting things out nor off.
It is seeing things clearly,
and deliberately positioning yourself differently in relationship to them.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn
In meditation practice, the best way to get somewhere
is to let go of trying to get anywhere at all.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn
All the suffering, stress, and addiction
comes from not realizing you already are what you are looking for.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn
To let go means to give up coercing, resisting, or struggling,
in exchange for something more powerful and wholesome
which comes out of allowing things to be as they are
without getting caught up in your attraction to or rejection of them,
in the intrinsic stickiness of wanting, of liking and disliking.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn
Patience is an ever present alternative
to the mind's endemic restlessness and impatience.
Scratch the surface of impatience and what you will find
lying beneath it, subtly or not so subtly, is anger.
It's the strong energy of not wanting things to be the way they are
and blaming someone (often yourself) or something for it.
This doesn't mean you can't hurry when you have to.
It is possible even to hurry patiently, mindfully,
moving fast because you have chosen to.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn
On life's journey, faith is nourishment,
virtuous deeds are a shelter,
wisdom is the light by day
and right mindfulness is the protection by night.
If a man lives a pure life, nothing can destroy him.
- The Buddha
Here are the opinions on which my facts are based.
- Anonymous
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
Crazy is walking down the street
with half a cantaloupe on your head,
muttering; "I'm a hamster, I'm a hamster."
- the movie Spy Hard (1996)
Sucking the marrow out of life
doesn't mean choking on the bone.
- Robin Williams as John Keating
in the 1989 movie Dead Poets Society
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
My plan was to kiss her with every lip on my face.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid
Oh, come on, Shrek, wake up and smell the pheromones!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
Tip the world over on its side and
everything loose will land in Los Angeles.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
You have to learn to push the guilt
under the rug and move on,
otherwise it overwhelms you.
- the Woody Allen movie Match Point
I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year
for cheating on my metaphysics final ...
I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
You can put wings on a pig,
but you don't make it an eagle.
- William J. Clinton
The trouble with having an open mind, of course,
is that people will insist on coming along
and trying to put things in it.
- Terry Pratchett
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill
It is an open question whether any behavior
based on fear of eternal punishment
can be regarded as ethical
or should be regarded as merely cowardly.
- Margaret Mead
A big part of letting go is recognizing
when it is time to stay in a situation
and when it is time to move on.
- Darren L. Johnson
Life is like a sewer...
what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
- Tom Lehrer
If you can find something everyone agrees on, it's wrong.
- Mo Udall
Well excuse me - we've got something
a little unusual going on here -
time travel, parallel universes,
or just a little common ordinary insanity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is like a roller coaster - scream Whee... on the way down,
and let the momentum carry you back up the next hill.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
Advertisements contain the only truths
to be relied on in a newspaper.
- Thomas Jefferson
In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it
seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour
and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing.
The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch
Even if you're on the right track,
you'll get run over if you just sit there.
- Will Rogers
Just remember, after they foreclose on your mortgage,
you get a lot more sunshine in your life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The devil has put a penalty on all things we enjoy in life.
Either we suffer in health or we suffer in soul or we get fat.
- Albert Einstein
Let your sympathies and your compassion
be always with the under dog in the fight -
this is magnanimity;
but bet on the other one - this is business.
- Mark Twain
I feel coming on a strange disease - humility.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.