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Let these funny Israel Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
The only true love is love at first sight;
second sight dispels it.
- Israel Zangwill
Our forces saved the remnants of the Jewish people of Europe
for a new life and a new hope in the reborn land of Israel.
Along with all men of good will,
I salute the young state and wish it well.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
America and Israel share a special bond.
Our relationship is unique among all nations.
Like America, Israel is a strong democracy,
a symbol of freedom, and an oasis of liberty,
a home to the oppressed and persecuted.
- William J. Clinton
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein
Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh
The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill
You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
A man is usually more careful of his money
than he is of his principles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson
God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau
A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
Man's role is uncertain, undefined, and perhaps unnecessary.
- Margaret Mead
Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything
and the value of nothing.
- Oscar Wilde
Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
I like a man who grins when he fights.
- Winston Churchill
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus
The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter
I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.