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Let these funny Invasion Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
An invasion of armies can be resisted,
but not an idea whose time has come.
- Victor Hugo
I thought then, and I think now, that the invasion of Iraq
was unnecessary and unjust.
And I think the premises on which it was launched were false.
- Jimmy Carter
Allow the president to invade a neighboring nation,
whenever he shall deem it necessary to repel an invasion,
and you allow him to do so whenever he may choose
to say he deems it necessary for such a purpose -
and you allow him to make war at pleasure.
- Abraham Lincoln
It behooves every man who values liberty of conscience for himself,
to resist invasions of it in the case of others:
or their case may, by change of circumstances, become his own.
- Thomas Jefferson
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau
Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln
We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
An excellent man;
he has no enemies;
and none of his friends like him.
- Oscar Wilde
Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I
An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein
Man tends to treat all of his opinions as principles.
- Herbert Sebastian Agar
Man's role is uncertain, undefined, and perhaps unnecessary.
- Margaret Mead
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
The man who reads nothing at all
is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers.
- Thomas Jefferson
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.
Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot
I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor
You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau
Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln
The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.