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Let these funny Invalidated Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields 
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
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He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau
The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau
The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln
If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill
Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
- Albert Schweitzer
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken
The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The civilized man has built a coach,
but has lost the use of his feet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
A clever man commits no minor blunders.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.
Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill
You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
A man can't be too careful in the choice of enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard
Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.