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Let these funny Inflicts Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Pain is what the world inflicts upon us.
Suffering is our emotional reaction when we fail
to make the difficult conscious choice to choose Joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We must not inflict life on children who will be resented;
we must not inflict unwanted children on society.
- Anne Lamott
"Fair" is not a useful concept.
Life is not "fair."
You can't make life "fair."
You can get angry.
You can complain about life not being "fair."
You can attempt revenge - perhaps violently.
You can inflict great suffering upon yourself
in the name of life being "unfair."
And Life is still not "fair."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The best cure for our own self-inflicted suffering
is often service to others.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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Forgiveness is not always easy.
At times, it feels more painful
than the wound we suffered,
to forgive the one that inflicted it.
And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.
- Marianne Williamson
The martyr cannot be dishonored.
Every lash inflicted is a tongue of fame;
every prison a more illustrious abode.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I forgive everyone for every "wrong"
that I believe they have ever inflicted upon me.
I forgive them for my own sake,
that I may release the venom -
the anger and resentment within myself -
and regain my joy and serenity.
I have compassion for everyone who has ever
been a player upon the stage of my life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Regrets and their cousins, resentments,
are a huge cause of self-inflicted suffering.
Sometimes it takes years of psychotherapy
to gain freedom from regrets about what you did or did not do,
and freedom from resentment over what others did or did not do.
Sometimes it takes a lifetime of self-talk to remember
to put the past in the past where it belongs.
However, sometimes a simple symbolic act can help immeasurably
to grant ourselves freedom from the past.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Laws are sand, customs are rock.
Laws can be evaded and punishment escaped,
but an openly transgressed custom brings sure punishment.
The penalty may be unfair, unrighteous, illogical, and a cruelty;
no matter, it will be inflicted, just the same.
Certainly, then, there can be but one wise thing
for a visiting stranger to do -
find out what the country's customs are,
and refrain from offending against them.
- Mark Twain
Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.
- Mark Twain
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
Look your best - who said love is blind?
- Mae West
My wife ran off with my best friend, and I sure do miss him.
- Anonymous
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
I am easily satisfied with the very best.
- Winston Churchill
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Speak when you are angry -
and you will make the best speech you'll ever regret.
- Laurence J. Peter
Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung
We have the best government that money can buy.
- Mark Twain
The best argument against democracy is
a five-minute conversation with the average voter.
- Winston Churchill
The best remedy for a short temper is a long walk.
- Jacqueline Schiff
The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde
When you have got an elephant by the hind legs
and he is trying to run away, it's best to let him run.
- Abraham Lincoln
If you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- Somerset Maugham
Common looking people are the best in the world:
that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
That's what Tiggers do best!
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
Honesty may be the best policy,
but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination,
dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- George Carlin
The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln
Most people enjoy the inferiority of their best friends.
- Lord Chesterfield
The age of a woman doesn't mean a thing.
The best tunes are played on the oldest fiddles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Short words are best
and the old words, when short, are best of all.
- Winston Churchill
Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov
A common denominator of all religions is that
they have the power to bring out the best and the worst in people.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Testing oneself is best when done alone.
- Jimmy Carter
Heaven must be an awfully dull place
if your best friends end up elsewhere.
- Anonymous
Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller
You may call God love, you may call God goodness.
But the best name for God is compassion.
- Meister Eckhart
Simply do your best, and you will avoid
self-judgment, self-abuse and regret.
- don Miguel Ruiz
Life is best when I wish neither to hurry the future nor to slow it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Best Friends: we're a parade - even by ourselves!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
To know yet to think that one does not know is best;
Not to know yet to think that one knows
will lead to difficulty.
- Lao Tzu
It's a funny thing about life;
if you refuse to accept anything but the best,
you very often get it.
- W. Somerset Maugham
The best way to predict the future is to create it.
- Peter F. Drucker
There is some good in the worst of us
and some evil in the best of us.
When we discover this,
we are less prone to hate our enemies.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Today is a day to cover your best weapons in velvet.
Go gently into the world.
Hold your anger.
Keep your competitive spirit in check.
Some day you will need your fierce weapons,
but not today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Infinite striving to be the best is man's duty;
it is its own reward.
Everything else is in God's hands.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
I believe that a simple and unassuming manner of life
is best for everyone, best both for the body and the mind.
- Albert Einstein
The best bridge between despair and hope is a good night's sleep.
- E. Joseph Cossman
Be prepared for life -
to live happily and without regret,
knowing that you have done your best.
- the Boy Scout Handbook
The most erroneous stories are those
we think we know best -
and therefore never scrutinize or question.
- Stephen Jay Gould
The best way to gain self-confidence
is to do what you are afraid to do.
- Anonymous
Know the best and highest choices for health
and more often choose those things.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
- Dale Carnegie
If we like what we do, if we always do our best,
then we are really enjoying life.
We are having fun, we don't get bored,
we don't have frustrations.
- don Miguel Ruiz
You have to accept whatever comes
and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage
and with the best that you have to give.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy
is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet,
alone with the heavens, nature and God.
Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be.
- Anne Frank
I have lost my seven best friends,
which is to say that God has had mercy on me
seven times without realizing it.
He lent a friendship, took it from me, and sent me another.
- Jean Cocteau
A man's friendships are one of the best measures of his worth.
- Charles Darwin
Use what talents you possess.
The woods would be very silent
if no birds sang there,
except those that sang best.
- Henry Van Dyke
If you're doing your best,
you won't have any time to worry about failure.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
The best and most beautiful things in the world
cannot be seen or even touched.
They must be felt with the heart.
- Helen Keller
In times of great stress or adversity,
it's always best to keep busy,
to plow your anger and your energy
into something positive.
- Lee Iacocca
Be yourself. There is nothing more for you to do
than to be the best YOU that you can be -
with no imitation, no pretense, no guilt, no shame.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The best preparation for tomorrow is doing your best today.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
This bright new year is given me
To live each day with zest
To daily grow and try to be
My highest and my best.
- William Arthur Ward
Read the best books first,
or you may not have a chance to read them at all.
- Henry David Thoreau
If a man does his best, what else is there?
- George S. Patton
Laughter is the best medicine.
- Anonymous
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.