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Let these funny Improvident Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Haste is blind and improvident.
- Titus Livius (Livy)
Manners require time, and nothing is more vulgar than haste.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A wise man will make haste to forgive,
because he knows the true value of time,
and will not suffer it to pass away in unnecessary pain.
- Samuel Johnson
Most men pursue pleasure with such breathless haste
that they hurry past it.
- Soren Kierkegaard
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Why should we be in such desperate haste to succeed,
and in such desperate enterprises?
If a man does not keep pace with his companions,
perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.
- Henry David Thoreau
Good manners sometimes means simply
putting up with other people's bad manners.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
With manners comes insincerity.
Truth is sometimes difficult.
- Bono
Parents are usually more careful to bestow knowledge
on their children rather than virtue,
the art of speaking well rather than doing well;
but their manners should be of the greatest concern.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
I am not an advocate for frequent changes in laws and constitutions,
but laws and institutions must go hand in hand
with the progress of the human mind.
As that becomes more developed, more enlightened,
as new discoveries are made, new truths discovered
and manners and opinions change, with the change of circumstances,
institutions must advance also to keep pace with the times.
- Thomas Jefferson [inscribed in the Jefferson Memorial]
Fine manners need the support of fine manners in others.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I have a respect for manners as such,
they are a way of dealing with people
you don't agree with or like.
- Margaret Mead
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
He who marries for love without money
has good nights and sorry days.
- Anonymous
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)
Never call an accountant a credit to his profession;
a good accountant is a debit to his profession.
- Charles Lyell
Golf is a good walk spoiled.
- Mark Twain
Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin
Harvard takes perfectly good plums as students,
and turns them into prunes.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.
- H. L. Mencken
Nothing is as good for the soul as a marshmallow roast.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
I only wish that ordinary people
had an unlimited capacity for doing harm;
then they might have an unlimited power for doing good.
- Socrates
My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
Today is probably a good day for something;
but it's a better day for doing nothing.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde
There is more of good nature than of good sense
at the bottom of most marriages.
- Henry David Thoreau
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor
I always pass on good advice.
It is the only thing to do with it.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)
Life is a moderately good play
with a badly written third act.
- Truman Capote
Some people are so heavenly minded
that they are no earthly good.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
Regrets are the tears of good deeds left undone
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A good indignation brings out all one's powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It is far more impressive when others
discover your good qualities without your help.
- Judith Martin
What do I think of Western civilization?
I think it would be a very good idea.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.
- Albert Schweitzer
Less is only more where more is no good.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
Few things are harder to put up with
than the annoyance of a good example.
- Mark Twain
The universe we observe has precisely
the properties we should expect
if there is, at bottom, no design,
no purpose, no evil, no good,
nothing but blind, pitiless indifference.
- Charles Darwin
She generally gave herself very good advice,
(though she very seldom followed it).
- Lewis Carroll
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
Write your Sad times in Sand,
Write your Good times in Stone.
- George Bernard Shaw
It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations...
The quotations, when engraved upon the memory, give you good thoughts.
They also make you anxious to read the authors and look for more.
- Winston Churchill
A good traveler has no fixed plans,
and is not intent on arriving.
- Lao Tzu
He who can no longer pause to wonder
and stand rapt in awe,
is as good as dead;
his eyes are closed.
- Albert Einstein
You have enemies? Good.
That means you've stood up for something,
sometime in your life.
- Winston Churchill
Discourage litigation.
Persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can.
As a peacemaker the lawyer has
superior opportunity of being a good man.
There will still be business enough.
- Abraham Lincoln
The only thing necessary for evil to triumph
is for enough good men to do nothing.
- Edmund Burke
Mind Chatter...
"I'm too fat; I'm too thin; and my hair is a fright;
And I'm never enough; and my world is not right;
I'm not smart; I'm not cute; I'm not strong; I'm a bust
I earn scorn; I earn hate; I'm no good; I disgust."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
As for doing good; that is one of the professions which is full.
Moreover I have tried it fairly and, strange as it may seem,
am satisfied that it does not agree with my constitution.
- Henry David Thoreau
No good comes from hurrying.
- Yiddish Proverb
I believe that everything happens for a reason.
People change so that you can learn to let go,
things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right,
you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself,
and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.
- Marilyn Monroe
A true friend is someone who
thinks that you are a good egg
even though he knows that
you are slightly cracked.
- Bernard Meltzer
Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves
to recognize how good things really are.
- Marianne Williamson
Good judgement comes from experience.
Experience comes from bad judgement.
- Jim Horning
However many holy words you read, however many you speak,
what good will they do you if you do not act on upon them?
- The Buddha
Good for who? Good for what?
There is no absolute "good."
"Good" is simply one person's preference.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Regret is an appalling waste of energy,
you can't build on it - it's only good for wallowing in.
- Katherine Mansfield
I find that he is happiest
of whom the world says least, good or bad.
- Thomas Jefferson
Treat those who are good with goodness,
and also treat those who are not good with goodness.
Thus goodness is attained.
Be honest to those who are honest,
and be also honest to those who are not honest.
Thus honesty is attained.
- Lao Tzu
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.