Facebook share Tweet This Email this
Let these funny Ills Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
We deem those happy, who from the experience of life
have learnt to bear its ills without being overcome by them.
- Carl Jung
You do ill if you praise, but worse
if you censure, what you do not understand.
- Leonardo da Vinci
The challenge of living a great life is to create
a meaningful whole out of sometimes ill-fitting halves.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care
for people will hear them and be influenced
by them for good or ill.
- The Buddha
Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.
Shallow understanding from people of good will
is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding
from people of ill will.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
If I feel depressed I will sing.
If I feel sad I will laugh.
If I feel ill I will double my labor.
If I feel fear I will plunge ahead.
If I feel inferior I will wear new garments.
If I feel uncertain I will raise my voice.
If I feel poverty I will think of wealth to come.
If I feel incompetent I will think of past success.
If I feel insignificant I will remember my goals.
Today I will be the master of my emotions.
- Og Mandino
It really does matter when we tell even the slightest untruth.
Even something as well intentioned as
telling someone their ill-finished
hair style looks wonderful will backfire -
certainly karmically, and usually practically.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill,
that we shall pay any price, bear any burden,
meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe
to assure the survival and the success of liberty.
- John F. Kennedy
Wisdom I know is social.
She seeks her fellows.
But Beauty is jealous,
and illy bears the presence of a rival.
- Thomas Jefferson
Serious illness doesn't bother me for long
because I am too inhospitable a host.
- Albert Schweitzer
Stress is nothing more than a
socially acceptable form of mental illness.
- Richard Carlson
By nature, we are all creatures of habit.
We instinctively adopt familiar routines for most activities.
We eat about the same number of meals each day -
at more or less the same times.
We have a regular pattern of sleeping -
unless it is perturbed by illness or shift work.
Most everything we do is habitual.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Love never dies a natural death. It dies because
we don't know how to replenish its source.
It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals.
It dies of illness and wounds;
it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.
- Anais Nin
Above all, do not lose your desire to walk.
Every day I walk myself into a state of well-being
and walk away from every illness.
I have walked myself into my best thoughts,
and I know of no thought so burdensome
that one cannot walk away from it.
- Soren Kierkegaard
This is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A joke is a very serious thing.
- Winston Churchill
Life is serious? Why?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Who made the rule that life has to be so serious?
One would think that "life is serious" had been engraved
upon stone tablets to judge from how most lives are lived.
Get a life, smile broadly, sing loudly,
paint your rooms in bold colors,
search every rabbit hole for a magical white bunny,
have caviar for breakfast and oatmeal for dinner,
wear a purple coat with a red hat - dance lightly with life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The one serious conviction that a man should have
is that nothing should be taken too seriously.
- Nicholas Murray Butler
The moment you start seeing life
as non-serious, a playfulness,
all the burden on your heart disappears.
All the fear of death, of life,
of love - everything disappears.
- Osho
People make a big fuss over you when you're President.
But I'm very serious about doing everything I can
to make sure that it doesn't go to my head.
- Jimmy Carter
Politics is a profession; a serious, complicated and,
in its true sense, a noble one.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
In most communities it is illegal
to cry "fire" in a crowded assembly.
Should it not be considered serious international misconduct
to manufacture a general war scare
in an effort to achieve local political aims?
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Our inventions are wont to be pretty toys,
which distract our attention from serious things.
They are but improved means to an unimproved end.
- Henry David Thoreau
The search after the great men is the dream of youth,
and the most serious occupation of manhood.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
- Phyllis Diller
EVERYONE has the right to make an ass out of themselves.
- Harold and Maude (The movie )
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
I was thrown out of N.Y.U. my freshman year
for cheating on my metaphysics final ...
I looked within the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
Sucking the marrow out of life
doesn't mean choking on the bone.
- Robin Williams as John Keating
in the 1989 movie Dead Poets Society
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
New Yorkers love it when you spill your guts out there.
Spill your guts at Wimbledon and they make you stop and clean it up.
- Jimmy Carter
Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes
in the hope of pulling out an eel.
- Leonardo da Vinci
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
I'm going to go in the bathroom and scream.
I'll be out in a minute.
- the Woody Allen movie What's New Pussycat
Clear? Huh. Why a four-year-old child
could understand this report.
Run out and find me a four-year-old child,
I can't make head or tail of it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous
Any idiot can face a crisis.
It's the day-to-day living that wears you out.
- Anton Chekhov
How do you want to be remembered?
Live life full out - Begin today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Money won't make you happy...
but everybody wants to find out for themselves.
- Zig Ziglar
Life is like a sewer...
what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.
- Tom Lehrer
I don't think the intelligence reports are all that hot.
Some days I get more out of the New York Times.
- John F. Kennedy
The will to believe chases out the rational mind,
whenever and wherever the two come into conflict.
- Philip K. Dick
I have taken more out of alcohol
than alcohol has taken out of me.
- Winston Churchill
Watch out, I have a Magic Wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If it turns out that there IS a God,
I don't think that he's evil.
I think that the worst you can say about him
is that basically he's an underachiever.
- the movie Love and Death
It's better to burn out, than to fade away.
- Neil Young
If you are out to describe the truth,
leave elegance to the tailor.
- Albert Einstein
I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein
A good indignation brings out all one's powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin
Never let the fear of striking out get in your way.
- Babe Ruth
Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard
I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons
out of the hands of fools.
Let's start with typewriters.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin
A common denominator of all religions is that
they have the power to bring out the best and the worst in people.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The third certainty of life, after death and taxes,
is that nothing will work out the way you want.
Life is fully as bad as you think it is.
Choose to live joyfully anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I always seem to get inspiration and renewed vitality
by contact with this great novel land of yours
which sticks up out of the Atlantic.
- Winston Churchill
You can safely assume that you've
created God in your own image
when it turns out that God hates
all the same people you do.
- Anne Lamott
Move out of your comfort zone. You can only
grow if you are willing to feel awkward and
uncomfortable when you try something new.
- Brian Tracy
Soon we'll be out amid the cold world's strife.
Soon we'll be sliding down the razor blade of life.
But as we go our sordid sep'rate ways,
We shall ne'er forget thee, thou golden college days.
Hearts full of youth,
Hearts full of truth,
Six parts gin to one part vermouth.
- Tom Lehrer - song: Bright College Days,
album: An Evening Wasted With Tom Lehrer
The beauty does not live out there;
the beauty's in my eyes.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The world is perfect. It's a mess.
It has always been a mess.
We are not going to change it.
Our job is to straighten out our own lives.
- Joseph Campbell
Capitalism tries for a delicate balance:
It attempts to work things out so that
everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from
getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.
- George Carlin
Fully experience THIS moment -
breathe in, breathe out - nothing more.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
In boundless love as a Christian and as a man
I read through the passage which tells us
how the Lord at last rose in His might
and seized the scourge to drive out of the Temple
the brood of vipers and of adders.
- Adolf Hitler
Darkness cannot drive out darkness;
only light can do that.
Hate cannot drive out hate;
only love can do that.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Thank you for visiting: Funny Ills Quotes - Funny Quotes about Ills.
Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.
You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.
May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.