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Let these funny Illness Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Serious illness doesn't bother me for long
because I am too inhospitable a host.
- Albert Schweitzer
Stress is nothing more than a
socially acceptable form of mental illness.
- Richard Carlson
Love never dies a natural death. It dies because
we don't know how to replenish its source.
It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals.
It dies of illness and wounds;
it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.
- Anais Nin
By nature, we are all creatures of habit.
We instinctively adopt familiar routines for most activities.
We eat about the same number of meals each day -
at more or less the same times.
We have a regular pattern of sleeping -
unless it is perturbed by illness or shift work.
Most everything we do is habitual.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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Above all, do not lose your desire to walk.
Every day I walk myself into a state of well-being
and walk away from every illness.
I have walked myself into my best thoughts,
and I know of no thought so burdensome
that one cannot walk away from it.
- Soren Kierkegaard
The challenge of living a great life is to create
a meaningful whole out of sometimes ill-fitting halves.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If I feel depressed I will sing.
If I feel sad I will laugh.
If I feel ill I will double my labor.
If I feel fear I will plunge ahead.
If I feel inferior I will wear new garments.
If I feel uncertain I will raise my voice.
If I feel poverty I will think of wealth to come.
If I feel incompetent I will think of past success.
If I feel insignificant I will remember my goals.
Today I will be the master of my emotions.
- Og Mandino
Shallow understanding from people of good will
is more frustrating than absolute misunderstanding
from people of ill will.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Whatever words we utter should be chosen with care
for people will hear them and be influenced
by them for good or ill.
- The Buddha
You do ill if you praise, but worse
if you censure, what you do not understand.
- Leonardo da Vinci
It really does matter when we tell even the slightest untruth.
Even something as well intentioned as
telling someone their ill-finished
hair style looks wonderful will backfire -
certainly karmically, and usually practically.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill,
that we shall pay any price, bear any burden,
meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe
to assure the survival and the success of liberty.
- John F. Kennedy
Wisdom I know is social.
She seeks her fellows.
But Beauty is jealous,
and illy bears the presence of a rival.
- Thomas Jefferson
We deem those happy, who from the experience of life
have learnt to bear its ills without being overcome by them.
- Carl Jung
Allow the president to invade a neighboring nation,
whenever he shall deem it necessary to repel an invasion,
and you allow him to do so whenever he may choose
to say he deems it necessary for such a purpose -
and you allow him to make war at pleasure.
- Abraham Lincoln
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
Joy is what happens to us when we allow ourselves
to recognize how good things really are.
- Marianne Williamson
"Worry" is a word that I don't allow myself to use.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
You must not under any pretense allow
your mind to dwell on any thought
that is not positive, constructive, optimistic, kind.
- Emmet Fox
Never allow a person to tell you NO
who doesn't have the power to say YES.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Give yourself permission to allow this moment to be exactly as it is,
and allow yourself to be exactly as you are.
- Jon Kabat-Zinn
Many people allow their need
for other people's approval to control their lives.
They spend their lives worrying about what others think of them.
- Rick Warren
Do not allow obligation or immediacy to
bind you to physical things or specific actions.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Well-being is making its way to you at all times.
If you will relax and find a way to allow it,
it will be your experience.
- Abraham (Esther Hicks)
In all my ways of seeing - may I use new glasses,
a telescope and a microscope.
And may I always allow myself to see a circumstance
through the tender hearts of my friends.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
My criticism of most religions is that
they don't allow criticism.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We can allow satellites, planets, suns, universe,
nay whole systems of universes, to be governed by laws,
but the smallest insect, we wish
to be created at once by special act.
- Charles Darwin
Today, I Allow Spirit To Carry All My Burdens.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I allow life to wash over me.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Whether we allow external events to
shape our lives at a core level
is very much within our own control.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Consistent physical structures can
allow unbounded intuitive clarity.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
The only sovereign you can allow to rule you is reason.
- Terry Goodkind
The people will save their government,
if the government itself will allow them.
- Abraham Lincoln
During his training, a baseball player strives
to make each swing better than the last.
The repetition of a faulty swing would be worse than useless.
It would ingrain bad habits.
The same is true of emotional responses.
If we allow ourselves to continue to have the same angry responses,
we just entrench our anger habit.
But if we strive - through consciousness, visualization, and coaching -
to moderate our anger response,
over time, we can train ourselves to respond
to events as we choose - without anger.
You can't magically be free from anger tomorrow,
but you can put yourself on your own training program
that will reduce the frequency and intensity
of your anger response day by day, year by year.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Understand the difference between "failing,"
which each of us does often,
and "being a failure,"
which is a state of mind no one should
ever allow themself to fall into.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Choose the whole of your environment, things and events,
based upon the value, meaning and function they hold.
Do not allow obligation or immediacy
to bind you to physical things or specific actions.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Through Qigong, one learns to quiet the mind
and allow communion with the One.
We call the One "Tao," but you may be more comfortable
with a term like "Holy Spirit," or "God,"
as long as you don't start visualizing
an old man on a throne floating in the sky.
The One is everything, and everything is the One.
Each of us is the One, and the One is inside each of us.
Just remember that it's an infinity thing -
the tiniest bit of infinity is still infinite.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I want to share with you the three rules
that I have in order to accept an apprentice.
Rule Number 1: Don't believe me.
I don't want you to believe me
but I want you to listen and make choices - your choices.
If what I say, doesn't work for you, leave it.
But if it works for you and that's what you want, then make it yours.
Rule Number 2: Don't believe yourself.
Why? Because most of your belief system is a lie - it's not true.
And by believing yourself, you create all the limitations
that don't allow you to be what you really are.
Don't believe yourself. Listen to what you say,
listen to what you think, listen to what you believe.
And when you listen, open your ears, open your mind,
open your intelligence and make choices.
Rule 3 is, don't believe anybody else.
Don't believe them at all.
Open your ears and your mind; listen and make choices.
- don Miguel Ruiz
Pollution is nothing but the resources we are not harvesting.
We allow them to disperse because
we've been ignorant of their value.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
If a friend of mine gave a feast, and did not invite me to it,
I should not mind a bit.
but if a friend of mine had a sorrow
and refused to allow me to share it,
I should feel it most bitterly.
If he shut the doors of the house of mourning against me,
I would move back again and again and beg to be admitted
so that I might share in what I was entitled to share.
If he thought me unworthy, unfit to weep with him,
I should feel it as the most poignant humiliation.
- Oscar Wilde
But friendship is precious, not only in the shade,
but in the sunshine of life, and thanks to a benevolent arrangement
the greater part of life is sunshine.
- Thomas Jefferson
Today is the bridge between the past,
regarding which we unconditionally accept that
everything has occurred according to God's plan,
and a future where we place our unconditional trust
in God's omnipotence and His benevolent design for our lives.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
From wine what sudden friendship springs.
- John Gay
The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson
Nothing makes the earth seem so spacious
as to have friends at a distance;
they make the latitudes and the longitudes.
- Henry David Thoreau
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
The worst part of success is to try to find
someone who is happy for you.
- Bette Midler
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
Nothing is more cheerful than talking
about our friends' shortcomings.
- Mason Cooley
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend -
and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
I have lost friends, some by death ...
others by sheer inability to cross the street.
- Virginia Woolf
Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
- Anonymous
Distance cannot matter - ours is a friendship of the heart.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
It is far better to be alone,
than to be in bad company.
- George Washington
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
Most people enjoy the inferiority of their best friends.
- Lord Chesterfield
I never considered a difference of opinion
in politics, in religion, in philosophy,
as cause for withdrawing from a friend.
- Thomas Jefferson
"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges
Money can't buy friends
but it can get you a better class of enemy.
- Spike Milligan
A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
A true friend stabs you in the front.
- Oscar Wilde
A lifelong friend is someone
you haven't borrowed money from yet.
- Anonymous
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.