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Funny Idiots Quotes
Funny Quotes about Idiots

Let these funny Idiots Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Half the world is composed of idiots,
the other half, of people clever enough
to take indecent advantage of them.
- Walter Kerr

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous

Suppose you were an idiot,
and suppose you were a member of Congress;
but I repeat myself.
- Mark Twain

Any idiot can face a crisis.
It's the day-to-day living that wears you out.
- Anton Chekhov


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As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
- John Lennon

I make it a policy to try never to
make a complete idiot of myself twice in the same way.
After all, there's always all kinds of new ways
to make a complete idiot of myself.
Why repeat the old ones?
- Margot Dalton

Important ideas can come from unexpected places.
We tend to label people - Genius, Idiot,
Socialist, Regressive, Wingnut, Revolutionary, Terrorist.
But it is helpful to remind ourselves to be open
to good ideas - whatever their source.
It is equally important to avoid accepting any idea
merely because we respect that person's
other ideas or accomplishments.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


 

Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)

"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West

Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West

I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer

I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln

Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous

In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death

Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers

No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous

Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein

Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days

If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous

The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)

Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove

Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie

Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein

The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

I once had a rose named after me
and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read
the description in the catalogue:
no good in a bed, but fine up against a wall.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster

My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates

Genius may have its limitations,
but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
- Elbert Hubbard

I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein

Do not laugh much or often or unrestrainedly.
- Epictetus

I am not afraid of storms
for I am learning how to sail my ship.
- Louisa May Alcott

For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank

Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
- Marianne Williamson

Silence is not always a Sign of Wisdom,
but Babbling is ever a folly.
- Benjamin Franklin

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright

I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

A ship in harbor is safe -
but that is not what ships are for.
- John A. Shedd

The rich are not born skeptical or cynical.
They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty

Contrary to general belief,
I do not believe that friends are necessarily
the people you like best,
they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It is only the poor who pay cash,
and that not from virtue,
but because they are refused credit.
- Anatole France

The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain

Delusion: belief said to be false by someone who does not share it.
- Thomas Szasz

The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken

The faith that stands on authority is not faith.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We are finally driven to monogamy
not by morality but by exhaustion.
- Erica Jong

Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Do not bite at the bait of pleasure,
till you know there is no hook beneath it.
- Thomas Jefferson

The lawyer's truth is not Truth,
but consistency or a consistent expediency.
- Henry David Thoreau

What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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