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Let these funny Hairs Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
I don't advise a haircut, man.
All hairdressers are in the employment of the government.
Hairs are your aerials.
They pick up signals from the cosmos,
and transmit them directly into the brain.
This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.
- the movie Withnail & I
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country
are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
- George Burns
I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
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Mind Chatter...
"I'm too fat; I'm too thin; and my hair is a fright;
And I'm never enough; and my world is not right;
I'm not smart; I'm not cute; I'm not strong; I'm a bust
I earn scorn; I earn hate; I'm no good; I disgust."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It doesn't matter how long my hair is
or what color my skin is
or whether I'm a woman or a man.
- John Lennon
We all have our thorns. We, and Life, have our moments.
Life occurs before our morning coffee.
Life occurs in our bathrobe with our hair uncombed.
Bless and give thanks for All of Life - the bloom and the thorns.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Judgment is discernment on a bad hair day.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
It really does matter when we tell even the slightest untruth.
Even something as well intentioned as
telling someone their ill-finished
hair style looks wonderful will backfire -
certainly karmically, and usually practically.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Ever had a bad hair day -
a day when everything seemed to be going wrong?
Perhaps today is a day to soothe your ruffled feathers,
take a deep breath, and reaffirm that
the weight of the world is really not on your shoulders,
unless you choose to assume that burden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Gather yourself by the sea shore and I will love you there.
Assemble yourself with wild things,
with songs of the sparrow and sea-foam.
Let mad beauty collect itself in your eyes
and it will shine - Calling me.
For I long for a man with nests of wild things in his hair.
A man who will Kiss the Flame.
- Jewel
Man is descended from a hairy, tailed quadruped,
probably arboreal in its habits.
- Charles Darwin
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
I will far rather see the race of man extinct
than that we should become less than beasts
by making the noblest of God's creation,
woman, the object of our lust.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung
Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
Mr. Attlee is a very modest man.
Indeed he has a lot to be modest about.
- Winston Churchill
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln
When I hear a man preach,
I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
- Abraham Lincoln
Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill
Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Jung
A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
God must love the common man, he made so many of them.
- Abraham Lincoln
If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house
with the conscious design of doing me good,
I should run for my life.
- Henry David Thoreau
An intellectual is a man
who takes more words than necessary
to tell more than he knows.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.