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Let these funny Hail Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
I think "Hail to the Chief" has a nice ring to it.
- John F. Kennedy
Religion is the masterpiece of the art of animal training,
for it trains people as to how they should think.
- Arthur Schopenhauer 
She's been diagnosed as a paranoid hypochondriac.
Doctors think she may be faking.
- the movie Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
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The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
What we think, we become.
All that we are arises with our thoughts.
With our thoughts, we make the world.
- The Buddha
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
I personally think we developed language
because of our deep need to complain.
- Lily Tomlin
If the facts don't fit the theory,
change the facts.
- Albert Einstein
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin
Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin
The third certainty of life, after death and taxes,
is that nothing will work out the way you want.
Life is fully as bad as you think it is.
Choose to live joyfully anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Did you ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Really I feel less keen about the Army every day.
I think the Church would suit me better.
- Winston Churchill
Anyone who thinks sitting in church
can make you a Christian must also think
that sitting in a garage can make you a car.
- Garrison Keillor
People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov
Jealousy is all the fun you think they had.
- Erica Jong
In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns
When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann
I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin
I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau
What do I think of Western civilization?
I think it would be a very good idea.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
I think men who have a pierced ear
are better prepared for marriage.
They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
- Rita Rudner
The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken
For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank
If it turns out that there IS a God,
I don't think that he's evil.
I think that the worst you can say about him
is that basically he's an underachiever.
- the movie Love and Death
You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous
Human beings are the only creatures on the planet
who tell time and think they have to earn a living.
- Buckminster Fuller
Always speak the truth,
think before you speak,
and write it down afterwards.
- Lewis Carroll
If you can't annoy somebody with what you write,
I think there's little point in writing.
- Kingsley Amis
I don't think the intelligence reports are all that hot.
Some days I get more out of the New York Times.
- John F. Kennedy
Think big thoughts but relish small pleasures.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
The important thing is not to stop questioning.
Curiosity has its own reason for existing.
- Albert Einstein
It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are,
or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy.
It is what you think about.
- Dale Carnegie
The most pathetic person in the world
is someone who has sight, but has no vision.
- Helen Keller
I don't think of all the misery
but of the beauty that still remains.
- Anne Frank
Life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives.
I think we're being run by maniacs for maniacal ends
and I think I'm liable to be put away as insane for expressing that.
That's what's insane about it.
- John Lennon
Tolerance is the first principle of community;
it is the spirit which conserves
the best that all men think.
- Helen Keller
You know that place between sleeping and awake,
that place where you can still remember dreaming?
That's where I'll always think of you.
- James M. Barrie
I used to go away for weeks in a state of confusion.
- Albert Einstein
The function of education is to teach one
to think intensively and to think critically.
Intelligence plus character - that is the goal of true education.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
Anyone who knows history, particularly
the history of Europe, will, I think,
recognize that the domination
of education or of government
by any one particular religious faith
is never a happy arrangement for the people.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
No written law has ever been more binding
than unwritten custom supported by popular opinion.
- Carrie Chapman Catt
Life does not consist mainly,
or even largely, of facts or happenings.
It consist mainly of the storm of thoughts
that is forever flowing through one's head.
- Mark Twain
To know yet to think that one does not know is best;
Not to know yet to think that one knows
will lead to difficulty.
- Lao Tzu
People should think things out fresh
and not just accept conventional terms
and the conventional way of doing things.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
Farewell My Friend
It was beautiful as long as it lasted
The journey of my life.
I have no regrets whatsoever
save the pain I'll leave behind.
Those dear hearts who love and care...
And the strings pulling at the heart and soul...
The strong arms that held me up
When my own strength let me down.
At every turning of my life
I came across good friends,
Friends who stood by me,
Even when the time raced me by.
Farewell, farewell my friends
I smile and bid you goodbye.
No, shed no tears for I need them not
All I need is your smile.
If you feel sad do think of me
for that's what I'll like
when you live in the hearts
of those you love, remember then
you never die.
- Gitanjali Ghei
The WORK
1.Is it true?
2.Can you absolutely know that it's true?
3.How do you react when you think that thought?
4.Who would you be without the thought?
- Byron Katie
Everything we say, do, think, and feel
is a product of our personal history
and the collective history of humankind.
Our name for these histories is "prejudice."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I simply can't build my hopes on a foundation
of confusion, misery and death...
I think... peace and tranquillity will return again.
- Anne Frank
I am sorry to think that you do not get a man's
most effective criticism until you provoke him.
Severe truth is expressed with some bitterness.
- Henry David Thoreau
Most of us are prisoners of habit,
and don't even notice that we do the same things,
think the same things, want the same things each day -
mostly without conscious thought.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Suffering is everywhere. Don't ever think it isn't.
So are miracles. Don't ever think they aren't.
- Jewel
The great enemy of the truth is very often not the lie,
deliberate, contrived and dishonest,
but the myth, persistent, persuasive and unrealistic.
- John F. Kennedy
Carpe diem! Rejoice while you are alive; enjoy the day;
live life to the fullest;
make the most of what you have.
It is later than you think.
- Horace
The value of a principle is the number of things it will explain.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
People do not like to think.
If one thinks, one must reach conclusions.
Conclusions are not always pleasant.
- Helen Keller
The world is more malleable than you think
and it's waiting for you to hammer it into shape.
- Bono
The eyes are not responsible when the mind does the seeing.
- Publilius Syrus
The most important things in life
are seldom the most obvious.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We shall require a substantially
new manner of thinking
if mankind is to survive.
- Albert Einstein
The earth is like a spaceship
that didn't come with an operating manual.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
I never think of the future - it comes soon enough.
- Albert Einstein
The most erroneous stories are those
we think we know best -
and therefore never scrutinize or question.
- Stephen Jay Gould
We have nearly complete misunderstanding between
people of different faiths in Lake Wobegon,
and that's probably one reason why we get along so very well.
It's when you are trying to convince another person to think
the same way that you do that there is
friction and trouble between people.
But when you feel that the other person is
dumber than dirt, too dumb for words -
why waste your breath - you get along pretty well.
There's no bond between people that's quite so strong as
when people each feel slightly superior towards the other one.
- Garrison Keillor
The greatest harm can result from the best intentions.
- Terry Goodkind
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.