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Funny Guarantee Quotes
Funny Quotes about Guarantee

Let these funny Guarantee Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Universal compassion is the only guarantee of morality.
- Arthur Schopenhauer

Credit is a system whereby a person who can't pay
gets another person who can't pay
to guarantee that he can pay.
- Charles Dickens

Marriage has no guarantees.
If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery.
- Erma Bombeck

Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities...
because it is the quality which guarantees all others.
- Winston Churchill


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There are no guarantees.
From the viewpoint of fear, none are strong enough.
From the viewpoint of love, none are necessary.
- Emmanuel (Pat Rodegast)

Those of true faith don't require guaranteed security.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If we spend the time we waste in sighing
for the perfect golden fruit
in fulfilling the conditions of its growth,
happiness will come, must come.
It is guaranteed in the very laws of the universe.
If it involves some chastening and renunciation, well,
the fruit will be all the sweeter for this touch of holiness.
- Helen Keller


 

Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)

For those who do not think,
it is best at least to rearrange
their prejudices once in a while.
- Luther Burbank

The future belongs to those
who believe in the beauty of their dreams.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

There are two kinds of people,
those who do the work,
and those who take the credit.
Try to be in the first group;
there is less competition there.
- Indira Gandhi

My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges

Advice is seldom welcome,
and those who need it the most, like it the least.
- Lord Chesterfield

It ain't those parts of the Bible
that I can't understand that bother me,
it is the parts that I do understand.
- Mark Twain

Things may come to those who wait,
but only the things left by those who hustle.
- Abraham Lincoln

Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.
- Terry Pratchett

People who think they know everything
are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
- Isaac Asimov

People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw

In those days he was wiser than he is now;
he used to frequently take my advice.
- Winston Churchill

Those who have free seats at a play hiss first.
- Chinese Proverb

Interesting.
You Earth people glorify organized violence for 40 centuries,
but you imprison those who employ it privately.
- the character Spock in the television series Star Trek

Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln

Beauty is an outward gift,
which is seldom despised,
except by those to whom it has been refused.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

There is beauty and adventure in the commonplace
for those with eyes to see beyond.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Those who won our independence...
valued liberty as an end and as a means.
They believed liberty to be the secret of happiness
and courage to be the secret of liberty.
- Louis D. Brandeis

Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge:
it is those who know little, and not those who know much,
who so positively assert that this or that problem
will never be solved by science.
- Charles Darwin

Grant That I May Radiate Thy Light, Thy Love,
Thy Healing, Thy Joy, and Thy Peace,
to All Those Around Me
and All Those in My Thoughts
This Day and Ever More.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Those who own much have much to fear.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Those distractions that turn my attention from
what I thought I was going to do today are not "rat holes";
they are Enchanted Rabbit Holes
with a Magical White Bunny awaiting in each.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

By letting it go it all gets done.
The world is won by those who let it go.
But when you try and try.
The world is beyond the winning.
- Lao Tzu

Those who believe they can do something
and those who believe they can't
are both right.
- Henry Ford

The truly rich are those who enjoy what they have.
- Yiddish Proverb

Apathy, indifference, not caring...
It may sound insensitive for me to say, "I don't care,"
but ask first to what I am indifferent.
I choose to be caring, compassionate
and kind toward all people,
and I also choose to be indifferent to gossip,
petty complaints, and idle chatter.
About those, I just don't care.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

One can not reflect in streaming water.
Only those who know internal peace can give it to others.
- Lao Tzu

Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.
- Robert F. Kennedy

There are those that look at things
the way they are, and ask "Why?"
I dream of things that never were, and ask "Why not?"
- Robert F. Kennedy paraphrase of George Bernard Shaw

For those of true faith, death is not a time to mourn,
but a time to celebrate returning to the Creator.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The most erroneous stories are those
we think we know best -
and therefore never scrutinize or question.
- Stephen Jay Gould

Those who play with the devil's toys
will be brought by degrees to wield his sword.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

The problems of victory are more agreeable
than those of defeat,
but they are no less difficult.
- Winston Churchill

Few are those who see with their own eyes
and feel with their own hearts.
- Albert Einstein

Those who have come here to hate should leave now;
for in their hate, they only betray themselves.
- Terry Goodkind

In the arena of human life,
the honors and rewards fall to those
who show their good qualities in action.
- Aristotle

Those who don't know how to weep with their whole heart,
don't know how to laugh either
- Golda Meir

Few is the number of those
who think with their own mind
and feel with their own heart.
- Albert Einstein

Collective fear stimulates herd instinct,
and tends to produce ferocity toward
those who are not regarded as members of the herd.
- Bertrand Russell

In the long history of humankind (and animal-kind, too)
those who learned to collaborate and
improvise most effectively have prevailed.
- Charles Darwin

Alas for those that never sing,
But die with all their music in them!
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Dare to dream of your great success.
Become intimate with those things
which deeply motivate you
and regularly work toward
the realization of that mission.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Life is truly known only to those who suffer,
lose, endure adversity and stumble from defeat to defeat.
- Anais Nin

Farewell My Friend
It was beautiful as long as it lasted
The journey of my life.
I have no regrets whatsoever
save the pain I'll leave behind.
Those dear hearts who love and care...
And the strings pulling at the heart and soul...
The strong arms that held me up
When my own strength let me down.
At every turning of my life
I came across good friends,
Friends who stood by me,
Even when the time raced me by.
Farewell, farewell my friends
I smile and bid you goodbye.
No, shed no tears for I need them not
All I need is your smile.
If you feel sad do think of me
for that's what I'll like
when you live in the hearts
of those you love, remember then
you never die.
- Gitanjali Ghei

Treat those who are good with goodness,
and also treat those who are not good with goodness.
Thus goodness is attained.
Be honest to those who are honest,
and be also honest to those who are not honest.
Thus honesty is attained.
- Lao Tzu

Know the best and highest choices for health
and more often choose those things.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

People are afraid, very much afraid of those who know themselves.
They have a certain power, a certain aura and a certain magnetism.
- Osho

At the Core of Our Suffering
are those Self-Imposed Limitations (Assumptions)
of which We are Completely Unaware.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I have three kinds of friends:
those who love me,
those who pay no attention to me,
and those who detest me.
- Nicolas De Chamfort

Revenge... is like a rolling stone,
which, when a man hath forced up a hill,
will return upon him with a greater violence,
and break those bones whose sinews gave it motion.
- Albert Schweitzer

Belief fuels our decisions -
even when we are not clearly aware of those beliefs.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Those you trust the most can steal the most.
- Lawrence Lief

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy
is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet,
alone with the heavens, nature and God.
Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be.
- Anne Frank

Those we love don't go away,
They walk beside us every day,
Unseen, unheard, but always near,
Still loved, still missed and very dear.
- Anonymous

Those that want friends to open themselves unto
are cannibals of their own hearts.
- Francis Bacon

Those who realize their folly are not true fools.
- Zhuangzi

No persons are more frequently wrong,
than those who will not admit they are wrong.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Those whom we can love, we can hate;
to others we are indifferent.
- Henry David Thoreau

We are masters of the unsaid words,
but slaves of those we let slip out.
- Winston Churchill

There is a time to cry for those we have lost,
and there is a time to wipe the tears and smile again.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

BERLIN: PROCLAMATION TO THE GERMAN NATION FEBRUARY 1, 1933
The National Government will regard it as its first and foremost duty
to revive in the nation the spirit of unity and co-operation.
It will preserve and defend those basic principles
on which our nation has been built.
It regards Christianity as the foundation of our national morality,
and the family as the basis of national life....
- Adolf Hitler

Those who stand for nothing fall for anything.
- Alexander Hamilton

The Science of Mind is intensely practical
because it teaches us how to use
the Mind Principle for definite purposes,
such as helping those who are sick, impoverished, or unhappy.
- Ernest Holmes


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May the world be kind to you,
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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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