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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Given Quotes
Funny Quotes about Given

Let these funny Given Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Talent is God-given; be humble.
Fame is man-given; be thankful.
Conceit is self-given; be careful.
- John Wooden

In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance,
but with somebody else.
- Mae West

If you want total security, go to prison.
There you're fed, clothed, given medical care and so on.
The only thing lacking... is freedom.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower


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The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett

Eating words has never given me indigestion.
- Winston Churchill

He who joyfully marches in rank and file
has already earned my contempt.
He has been given a large brain by mistake,
since for him the spinal cord would suffice.
- Albert Einstein


 

People are stupid;
given proper motivation, almost anyone will believe almost anything.
Because people are stupid, they will believe a lie
because they want to believe it's true,
or because they are afraid it might be true.
- Terry Goodkind

God has given you one face, and you make yourself another.
- William Shakespeare

Treat the earth well.
It was not given to you by your parents,
it was loaned to you by your children.
We do not inherit the Earth from our Ancestors,
we borrow it from our Children.
- Native American traditional

Life is given to us, we earn it by giving it.
- Rabindranath Tagore

It was high counsel that I once heard given to a young person,
"Always do what you are afraid to do."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men
who walked through the huts comforting others,
giving away their last piece of bread...
They offer sufficient proof that everything
can be taken from a man but one thing:
to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances,
to choose one's own way.
- Viktor E. Frankl

This bright new year is given me
To live each day with zest
To daily grow and try to be
My highest and my best.
- William Arthur Ward

Love's gift cannot be given,
it waits to be accepted.
- Rabindranath Tagore

I am a firm believer in the people.
If given the truth, they can be depended upon
to meet any national crisis.
The great point is to bring them the real facts.
- Abraham Lincoln

A hero is someone who has given his life to
something bigger than himself
or something other than himself.
- Joseph Campbell

The only wealth which you will keep forever
is the wealth you have given away.
- Marcus Aurelius

We were given:
Two hands to hold.
Two legs to walk.
Two eyes to see.
Two ears to listen.
But why only one heart?
Because the other was given to someone else.
For us to find.
- Anonymous

Gifts freely given are never obligations.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Treat the earth well,
It was not given to you by your parents,
It was loaned to you by your children.
- Native American Proverb

You are never given a wish without also
being given the power to make it true.
You may have to work for it, however.
- Richard Bach

Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor;
it must be demanded by the oppressed.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

A gift consists not in what is done or given,
but in the intention of the giver or doer.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

A brother is a friend given by Nature.
- Jean Baptiste Legouve

Common Sense is that which judges
the things given to it by other senses.
- Leonardo da Vinci

I do not want to foresee the future.
I am concerned with taking care of the present.
God has given me no control over the moment following.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

It is only to the individual that a soul is given.
- Albert Einstein

The heresy of one age becomes the orthodoxy of the next.
Mere tolerance has given place to a sentiment of brotherhood
between sincere men of all denominations.
- Helen Keller

Calm provides clarity. Pause to consider
the gifts you have been given,
the difference you have made
and the direction in which you are headed.
- Anonymous

The good opinion of mankind,
like the lever of Archimedes,
with the given fulcrum, moves the world.
- Thomas Jefferson

Love sought is good,
but given unsought is better.
- William Shakespeare

The heart is always right -
if there's a question of choosing between the mind and the heart -
because mind is a creation of the society.
It has been educated.
You have been given it by the society, not by existence.
The heart is unpolluted.
- Osho

Our creator is the same and never changes
despite the names given Him by people here
and in all parts of the world.
Even if we gave Him no name at all,
He would still be there, within us,
waiting to give us good on this earth.
- George Washington Carver

Too often the great decisions are originated and given form
in bodies made up wholly of men, or so completely dominated
by them that whatever of special value women
have to offer is shunted aside without expression.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Ask and it will be given to you;
seek and you will find;
knock and the door will be opened to you.
- Matthew 7:7

I recognize that the person I was in my past
is not the person I am today.
That person did the very best they could,
given the knowledge, emotions, and prior experience
they had to draw upon at the time.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You always have everything you need, right here, right now.
Do you know how I know? You're still here.
If you hadn't always been given everything you ever needed,
you wouldn't be here.
- Neale Donald Walsch

The sage does not hoard.
The more he helps others, the more he benefits himself,
Having bestowed all he has on others, he has yet more;
having given all he has to others, he is richer still.
- Lao Tzu

God has given us two hands, one to receive with
and the other to give with.
- Billy Graham

Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself,
and know that everything in life has purpose.
There are no mistakes, no coincidences,
all events are blessings given to us to learn from.
- Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Let us more and more insist on raising funds of love,
of kindness, of understanding, of peace.
Money will come if we seek first the Kingdom of God -
the rest will be given.
- Mother Teresa

While it is natural to feel some degree of
need for the approval of others, be careful.
If you find yourself unwilling to
take actions that others disapprove of,
you have lost control of your own life
and have given your destiny to others.
An excessive need-for-approval
is a sign of low self-esteem,
and in severe cases, a condition termed co-dependency.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Forgiving others is a gift to yourself,
given not because the other deserves pardon,
but because you deserve the serenity and joy
that comes from releasing resentment and anger,
and from embracing universal forgiveness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

For some of us, the world appears to provide
only a fixed quantity of each resource -
a limited amount of food, of money,
of love, of success, of appreciation.
For others, life is unlimited.
Their world expands with the generosity, compassion,
inventiveness, and service that they contribute.
In this world-view, money that is spent
or given away returns multiplied.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I think what's going on in Guantanamo Bay
and other places is a disgrace to the U.S.A.
I wouldn't say it's the cause of terrorism,
but it has given impetus and excuses to potential terrorists
to lash out at our country and justify their despicable acts.
- Jimmy Carter

The Moon Cannot Be Stolen:
A thief entered the little hut of a Zen Master,
but discovered there was nothing to steal.
The Zen Master discovered the thief.
"You have come a long way to visit me," he told the prowler,
"and you should not return empty-handed.
Please take my clothes as a gift."
The thief was bewildered,
but he took the clothes and slunk away.
The Zen Master sat naked, watching the moon.
"Poor fellow," he mused,
"I wish I could have given him this beautiful moon."
- Traditional Zen Koan

Beyond mind, there is an awareness that is intrinsic,
that is not given to you by the outside, and is not an idea -
and there is no experiment up to now
that has found any center in the brain
which corresponds to awareness.
The whole work of meditation is
to make you aware of all that is "mind"
and disidentify yourself from it.
That very separation is the
greatest revolution that can happen to man.
Now you can do and act on only that
which makes you more joyous, fulfills you,
gives you contentment, makes your life a work of art, a beauty.
But this is possible only if the master in you is awake.
- Osho

Zen says that if you drop knowledge -
and within knowledge everything is included;
your name, your identity, everything,
because this has been given to you by others -
if you drop all that has been given by others,
you will have a totally different quality to your being: innocence.
This will be a crucifixion of the persona, the personality,
and there will be a resurrection of your innocence.
You will become a child again, reborn.
- Osho

Life is unlimited.
Your world expands with the generosity, compassion,
inventiveness, and service that you contribute.
Money that is spent or given away returns multiplied.
The more love that is given, the more love returns.
The more a helping hand is given, the more hands
are strengthened and empowered to help.
We can help each other to all be winners.
We can all have food, and jobs, and love, and happiness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Take time to laugh.
It is the music of the soul.
Take time to think.
It is the source of power.
Take time to play.
It is the source of perpetual youth.
Take time to read.
It is the fountain of wisdom.
Take time to pray.
It is the greatest power on Earth.
Take time to love and be loved.
It is a God-given privilege.
Take time to be friendly.
It is the road to happiness.
Take time to give.
It is too short a day to be selfish.
Take time to work.
It is the price of success.
- Anonymous

We return thanks to our mother,
the earth, which sustains us.
We return thanks to the rivers and streams
which supply us with water.
We return thanks to all herbs, which furnish medicines
for the cure of our diseases.
We return thanks to the corn, and to her sisters,
the beans and squashes, which give us life.
We return thanks to the bushes and trees,
which provide us with fruit.
We return thanks to the wind,
which, moving the air, has banished diseases.
We return thanks to the moon and the stars,
which have given us their light when the sun was gone.
We return thanks to our grandfather He-no,
that he has protected his grandchildren from witches and reptiles,
and has given us his rain.
We return thanks to the sun,
that he has looked upon the earth with a beneficent eye.
Lastly, we return thanks to the Great Spirit,
in whom is embodied all goodness,
and who directs all things for the good of his children.
- Iroquois traditional

Every fact is related on one side to sensation,
and, on the other, to morals.
The game of thought is, on the appearance
of one of these two sides,
to find the other: given the upper, to find the under side.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

We are born at a given moment, in a given place and,
like vintage years of wine, we have the qualities of the year
and of the season of which we are born.
Astrology does not lay claim to anything more.
- Carl Jung

You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

If at first you don't succeed,
try, try, and try again.
Then give up.
There's no use being a damned fool about it.
- W. C. Fields

Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius

Give me the luxuries of life
and I will willingly do without the necessities.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

Give the right man two fishes and some bread,
and he will feed the world;
give the wrong man two fishes and some bread
and he will invent the fast-food fish sandwich.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

He who can take advice is sometimes superior
to him who can give it.
- Erica Jong

I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor

You are Never Too Old to Give or Get Gold Stars.
Show Your Honest Appreciation - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
- Anonymous

Oh, you weak, beautiful people
who give up with such grace.
What you need is someone to take hold of you -
gently, with love, and hand your life back to you.
- Tennessee Williams

All gods are homemade, and it is we who pull their strings,
and so, give them the power to pull ours.
- Aldous Huxley

It is more agreeable to have the power to give than to receive.
- Winston Churchill

Every spirit makes its house,
and we can give a shrewd guess
from the house to the inhabitant.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes.
- Oscar Wilde

Give me your tired, your poor,
your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.
- written on the Statue of Liberty in New York harbor


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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