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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Girl Quotes
Funny Quotes about Girl

Let these funny Girl Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who
knows the capital of Maine.
- David Brenner

There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill

Any girl can be glamorous.
All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
- Hedy Lamarr

When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein


 

Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous

I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor


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Hang tough... big girl panties today.
- Anonymous humor

A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it
seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour
and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

A wise girl kisses but doesn't love,
listens but doesn't believe,
and leaves before she is left.
- Marilyn Monroe

The girl of my dreams is my mother's shadow,
cast upon the distant movie screen of my future.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

What is free time? I'm a single mother.
My free moments are filled with loving my little girl.
- Roma Downey

Growing up, I wanted desperately to please,
to be a good girl.
- Claire Danes

If I can't get the girl, at least give me more money.
- Alan Alda

It's not beauty but fine qualities, my girl,
that keep a husband.
- Euripides

I wanted to marry a girl just like my mom.
- Michael Bergin

Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake
of marrying the whole girl.
- Stephen Leacock

Who would ever think that so much went on
in the soul of a young girl?
- Anne Frank

I have never been a material girl.
My father always told me never to love anything that cannot love you back.
- Imelda Marcos

Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl
is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.
- Albert Einstein

I sit on my duff, smoke cigarettes and watch TV.
I'm not exactly a poster girl for healthy living.
- Lexa Doig

As a little girl I used to daydream about my real father
coming on a white horse to rescue me.
- Christine Keeler

When I look in the mirror I see the girl I was when I was growing up,
with braces, crooked teeth, a baby face and a skinny body.
- Heather Locklear

The best money advice ever given me was from my father.
When I was a little girl, he told me,
'Don't spend anything unless you have to.'
- Dinah Shore

I'm a Mommy's Girl - the strongest influence in my young life was my mom.
- Susie Bright

I basically became a cheerleader because I had a very strict mom.
That was my way of being a bad girl.
- Sandra Bullock

My music, my songs are 100 percent inspired by girl power.
- Paulina Rubio

Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him.
After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.
- Marilyn Monroe

The emotional, sexual, and psychological stereotyping
of females begins when the doctor says:
It's a girl.
- Shirley Chisholm

Love is when you shed a tear and still want him,
it's when he ignores you and you still love him,
it's when he loves another girl but you still smile
and say I'm happy for you,
when all you really do is cry.
- Kimberly Lynn Brodsky

I got arrested for signing autographs.
Signing a little girl's autograph got me arrested.
- Michael Taylor

There's another girl who was going to play Hilary Faye
and luckily she wound up not doing it.
- Heather Matarazzo

I've left Bethlehem, and I feel free.
I've left the girl I was supposed to be,
and some day I'll be born.
- Paula Cole

I constantly felt (as I suppose many an ambitious girl
has felt) a thumping from within unanswered by any beckoning from without.
- Anna Julia Cooper

I'm always the girl at the party who,
within five minutes, has taken my heels off,
hitched up my dress in my knickers, and probably spilt drink down my cleavage.
- Sadie Frost

When I'm not near the girl I love, I love the girl I'm near.
- E. Y. Harburg

I could see myself in a relationship with a girl;
Olivia Wilde is so sexy she makes me want to strangle
a mountain ox with my bare hands.
She's mesmerizing.
- Megan Fox

I'm more of a jeans and T-shirt kind of girl.
- Tara Reid

A girl phoned me the other day and said...
'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over.
Nobody was home.
- Rodney Dangerfield

No, I'm not Shirley the girl, I'm the woman on MTV with the big boots.
- Shirley Manson

I feel sure that no girl would go to the altar if she knew all.
- Queen Victoria

I'm not a braggart, but when I was a little girl people
used to come from all over Hollywood to hear me sing.
- Etta James

You're asking the wrong girl about fame.
I'm hardly famous.
I wouldn't want to trade places with anyone else.
- Nikki Cox

I was a shy little girl, nothing like what I am now.
- Debra Wilson

I'm a straight shooter, a New York City girl.
I see things as they are and call them as they are.
- Elisabeth Rohm

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels.
Life's a bitch.
You've got to go out and kick ass.
- Maya Angelou

I'm a girl who loves to share information,
especially empowering, life-changing,
information.
- Marilu Henner

How little the public realizes what a girl must go
through before she finally appears before the spotlight
that is thrown upon the stage.
- Florenz Ziegfeld

I'm not part of the cultural elite.
I'm a down-home girl.
Always have been, always will be.
- Lauren Hutton

I started out as a very young girl in Hollywood doing
westerns portraying a mother with a couple of kids.
- Dorothy Malone

I always wrote; my first story was published in the
magazine The American Girl when I was 11.
- Sara Paretsky

The trouble with censors is that they worry if a girl has cleavage.
They ought to worry if she hasn't any.
- Marilyn Monroe

It was good because it helped me get where I'm at today,
but then people stereotype and say we don't want to
use her because she's known as the 'Wonderbra girl'.
- Caprice Bourret

I'm definitely a Polaroid camera girl.
For me, what I'm really excited about is bringing back
the artistry and the nature of Polaroid.
- Lady Gaga

I was a little girl in World War II and I'm used to
being freed by Americans.
- Madeleine Albright

I was nuts about Elvis, like every girl in America.
- Brenda Lee

When you see a girl like me bustin' perps,
there ain't no time to be pretty.
- Mariska Hargitay

But a girl of seventeen is not always thinking of books,
especially in the Oxford summer term.
- Mary A. Ward

I enjoyed entertaining people since I was a little girl.
There was nothing better than making people laugh.
That, and the need to express myself in a safe environment.
- Amy Weber

Why does a man take it for granted that a girl who
flirts with him wants him to kiss her -
when,
nine times out of ten, she only wants him to want to kiss her?
- Helen Rowland

Ryan took him out of Betty Ford after Redmond wanted
to leave because he met a girl there.
The girl was a heroin addict.
She was the one who introduced him to the stuff.
- Farrah Fawcett

I'm scared to death of being poor.
It's like a fat girl who loses 500 pounds but is always fat inside.
I grew up poor and will always feel poor inside.
It's my pet paranoia.
- Cher

I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day.
I haven't had time for tobacco since.
- Arturo Toscanini

A Gorean slave girl in the presence of a free man or woman always kneels,
unless excused from doing so.
- John Norman

I do have the girl-next-door image.
- Cindy Margolis

I've always been the only girl in those environments.
It's comfortable for me - I prefer it,
actually.
- Lisa Guerrero

A woman who looks like a girl and thinks like a man is the best sort,
the most enjoyable to be and the most pleasurable to have and to hold.
- Julie Burchill

My wife was a Bond girl, in Diamonds Are Forever,
so I play James Bond in real life every day.
- Robert Wagner

Hey, I'm a girl, and we like to play dress-up.
- Charlize Theron

I don't like to look sloppy.
I'm a girly-girl.
- Frances Bean Cobain


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- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.