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Let these funny George Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring,
close-knit family in another city.
- George Burns
I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
- George Carlin
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country
are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.
- George Burns
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- George Carlin
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin
The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin
My way of joking is telling the truth;
that is the funniest joke in the world.
- George Bernard Shaw
If a man smiles all the time,
he's probably selling something that doesn't work.
- George Carlin
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
- George Carlin
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
- George Carlin
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out
where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- George Carlin
Inside every cynical person,
there is a disappointed idealist.
- George Carlin
Think of how stupid the average person is,
and realize half of them are stupider than that.
- George Carlin
Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say,
abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact.
- George Eliot
Honesty may be the best policy,
but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination,
dishonesty is the second-best policy.
- George Carlin
I love and treasure individuals as I meet them;
I loathe and despise the groups
they identify with and belong to.
- George Carlin
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
A fashion is nothing but an induced epidemic.
- George Bernard Shaw
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe,
then I'd have to say that the universe
aimed rather low and settled for very little.
- George Carlin
The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American
recently passed each other in opposite directions.
- George Carlin
So far, this is the oldest I've been.
- George Carlin
Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
- George Carlin
If it requires a uniform, it's a worthless endeavor.
- George Carlin
As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero,
he no longer is.
- George Carlin
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?
- George Carlin
I don't like to think of laws
as rules you have to follow,
but more as suggestions.
- George Carlin
It is far better to be alone,
than to be in bad company.
- George Washington
Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder.
- George Washington
People who say it cannot be done should not
interrupt those who are doing it.
- George Bernard Shaw
Capitalism tries for a delicate balance:
It attempts to work things out so that
everyone gets just enough stuff to keep them from
getting violent and trying to take other people's stuff.
- George Carlin
We don't stop playing because we grow old;
we grow old because we stop playing.
- George Bernard Shaw
Write your Sad times in Sand,
Write your Good times in Stone.
- George Bernard Shaw
When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw
A happy family is but an earlier heaven.
- George Bernard Shaw
The moment we want to believe something,
we suddenly see all the arguments for it,
and become blind to the arguments against it.
- George Bernard Shaw
When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of,
he always declares that it's his duty.
- George Bernard Shaw
There are those that look at things
the way they are, and ask "Why?"
I dream of things that never were, and ask "Why not?"
- Robert F. Kennedy paraphrase of George Bernard Shaw
You see things and you say, Why?
But I dream things that never were and say, Why not
- George Bernard Shaw
Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man
... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do
every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do.
And if you do any of these things,
he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire
and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever,
and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream,
until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you.
He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin
Fear of something is at the root of hate for others,
and hate within will eventually destroy the hater.
- George Washington Carver
Don't be afraid to take a big step if one is indicated;
you can't cross a chasm in two small jumps.
- David Lloyd George
Only in the agony of parting do we look into the depths of love.
- George Eliot
The worst sin toward our fellow creatures
is not to hate them,
but to be indifferent to them:
that's the essence of inhumanity.
- George Bernard Shaw
Ninety-nine percent of the failures
come from people who have the habit of making excuses.
- George Washington Carver
Who controls the past controls the future.
Who controls the present controls the past.
- George Orwell
No man who is occupied in doing a very difficult thing,
and doing it very well, ever loses his self-respect.
- George Bernard Shaw
The essence of being human is that one
does not seek perfection.
- George Orwell
When our thoughts - which bring actions -
are filled with hate against anyone, Negro or white,
we are in a living hell.
That is as real as hell will ever be.
- George Washington Carver
Progress is impossible without change,
and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.
- George Bernard Shaw
If you may count every drop of water in the ocean and
count every grain of sand in the sea -
multiply it by a thousand and that's how much I love you.
- George of Langkloof
Worry is the interest paid by those who borrow trouble.
- George Washington
Education is the key to unlock the golden door of freedom.
- George Washington Carver
When you can do the common things of life in an uncommon way,
you will command the attention of the world.
- George Washington Carver
There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval.
- George Santayana
It is never too late to become what you might have been.
- George Eliot
True friendship is a plant of slow growth,
and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity
before it is entitled to the appellation.
- George Washington
The golden rule is that there are no golden rules.
- George Bernard Shaw
Do not do unto others
as you expect they should do unto you.
Their tastes may not be the same.
- George Bernard Shaw
Better keep yourself clean and bright;
you are the window through which
you must see the world.
- George Bernard Shaw
If you love it enough, anything will talk with you.
- George Washington Carver
Those who trust us educate us.
- George Eliot
In this world there is always danger
for those who are afraid of it.
- George Bernard Shaw
Nothing is more beautiful than the loveliness
of the woods before sunrise.
- George Washington Carver
Love demands infinitely less than friendship.
- George Jean Nathan
If a man does his best, what else is there?
- George S. Patton
Reading about nature is fine, but if a person
walks in the woods and listens carefully,
he can learn more than what is in books,
for they speak with the voice of God.
- George Washington Carver
What do we live for, if it is not
to make life less difficult for each other?
- George Eliot
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.