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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Fruit Quotes
Funny Quotes about Fruit

Let these funny Fruit Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

If (s)he's an apple and you're an orange,
celebrate your differences -
make a great fruit salad.
Love isn't about being the same -
it's about being sweet with each other.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- Groucho Marx

Why not go out on a limb?
Isn't that where the fruit is?
- Mark Twain

A table, a chair, a bowl of fruit and a violin;
what else does a man need to be happy?
- Albert Einstein


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Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit.
- Khalil Gibran

Love is a fruit in season at all times,
and within reach of every hand.
- Mother Teresa

If we spend the time we waste in sighing
for the perfect golden fruit
in fulfilling the conditions of its growth,
happiness will come, must come.
It is guaranteed in the very laws of the universe.
If it involves some chastening and renunciation, well,
the fruit will be all the sweeter for this touch of holiness.
- Helen Keller


 

Be not like the sugarcane -
do not hold your sweetness inside.
Be like the fruit tree -
be generous with your best.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie (inspired by Tagore)

Your life is the fruit of your own doing.
You have no one to blame but yourself.
- Joseph Campbell

Wishing to be friends is quick work,
but friendship is a slow ripening fruit.
- Aristotle

Happiness is the final and perfect fruit
of obedience to the laws of life.
- Helen Keller

No greater thing is created suddenly,
any more than a bunch of grapes or a fig.
If you tell me that you desire a fig,
I answer you that there must be time.
Let it first blossom, then bear fruit, then ripen.
- Epictetus

Labor is prior to, and independent of, capital.
Capital is only the fruit of labor,
and could never have existed if labor had not first existed.
Labor is the superior of capital,
and deserves much the higher consideration.
- Abraham Lincoln

The smallest seed of faith is better than
the largest fruit of happiness.
- Henry David Thoreau

We return thanks to our mother,
the earth, which sustains us.
We return thanks to the rivers and streams
which supply us with water.
We return thanks to all herbs, which furnish medicines
for the cure of our diseases.
We return thanks to the corn, and to her sisters,
the beans and squashes, which give us life.
We return thanks to the bushes and trees,
which provide us with fruit.
We return thanks to the wind,
which, moving the air, has banished diseases.
We return thanks to the moon and the stars,
which have given us their light when the sun was gone.
We return thanks to our grandfather He-no,
that he has protected his grandchildren from witches and reptiles,
and has given us his rain.
We return thanks to the sun,
that he has looked upon the earth with a beneficent eye.
Lastly, we return thanks to the Great Spirit,
in whom is embodied all goodness,
and who directs all things for the good of his children.
- Iroquois traditional

I have always found that mercy bears
richer fruits than strict justice.
- Abraham Lincoln

Great talents are the most lovely
and often the most dangerous
fruits on the tree of humanity.
They hang upon the most slender twigs
that are easily snapped off.
- Carl Jung

Politics ought to be the part-time profession of every citizen
who would protect the rights and privileges of free people
and who would preserve what is
good and fruitful in our national heritage.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Politics is like football; if you see daylight, go through the hole.
- John F. Kennedy

The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

Politics is almost as exciting as war, and quite as dangerous.
In war you can only be killed once, but in politics many times.
- Winston Churchill

In religion and politics, people's belief's and convictions
are in almost every case gotten at second hand,
and without examination
- Mark Twain

I never considered a difference of opinion
in politics, in religion, in philosophy,
as cause for withdrawing from a friend.
- Thomas Jefferson

Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed
(and hence clamorous to be led to safety)
by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins,
all of them imaginary.
- H. L. Mencken

Sometimes I wonder if we shall ever grow up
in our politics and say definite things which mean something,
or whether we shall always go on using generalities
to which everyone can subscribe, and which mean very little.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

I'm always rather nervous about how you talk
about women who are active in politics,
whether they want to be talked about as women or as politicians.
- John F. Kennedy

Politics is a profession; a serious, complicated and,
in its true sense, a noble one.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

War is the ultimate tool of politics.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

I was losing interest in politics,
when the repeal of the Missouri Compromise aroused me again.
What I have done since then is pretty well known.
- Abraham Lincoln

Politics is not a game. It is an earnest business.
- Winston Churchill

In war, you can only be killed once,
but in politics, many times.
- Winston Churchill

Those who say religion has nothing to do with politics
do not know what religion is.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

I am never going to have anything more to do
with politics or politicians.
When this war is over I shall confine myself entirely
to writing and painting.
- Winston Churchill

When you are in any contest,
you should work as if there were -
to the very last minute - a chance to lose it.
This is battle, this is politics, this is anything.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower

Politics are very much like war.
We may even have to use poison gas at times.
- Winston Churchill

Politics is for the present, but an equation is for eternity.
- Albert Einstein

Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz

Nothing echoes like an empty mailbox.
- Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

A relationship, I think, is like a shark.
You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies.
And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall (1977)

I'd like to kiss ya, but I just washed ma hair.
- the movie The Cabin in the Cotton

Marriage is like putting your hand into a bag of snakes
in the hope of pulling out an eel.
- Leonardo da Vinci

Love is like an hourglass,
with the heart filling up as the brain empties.
- Jules Renard

A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler

A honeymoon should be like a table:
four bare legs and no drawers.
- Anonymous

Husbands should be like Kleenex:
soft, strong, and disposable.
- the movie Clue (1985)

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.
- H. L. Mencken

Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill

It looks like we're up chocolate creek without a Popsicle stick!
- the movie Shrek 2 (2004)

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

It's cookies, he smells like cookies,
and the smell gets stronger when he's in heat.
- the movie Michael

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter
quite like unrequited love.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde

I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

If I had known what it would be like to have it all -
I might have been willing to settle for less.
- Lily Tomlin

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Technological progress is like an axe
in the hands of a pathological criminal.
- Albert Einstein

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

True love is like ghosts,
which everyone talks about and few have seen.
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Always remember that you are absolutely unique.
Just like everyone else.
- Margaret Mead

The feeling of friendship is like that
of being comfortably filled with roast beef;
love, like being enlivened with champagne.
- Samuel Johnson

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute and it
seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour
and it seems like a minute. That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein

You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

Getting married is a lot like getting into a tub of hot water.
After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.
- Minnie Pearl

Too many people spend money they haven't earned,
to buy things they don't want,
to impress people they don't like.
- Will Rogers


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.