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Let these funny Fought Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
I do not believe that civilization will be wiped out
in a war fought with the atomic bomb.
Perhaps two-thirds of the people of the earth will be killed.
- Albert Einstein
Strike against war, for without you
no battles can be fought!
- Helen Keller
I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought,
but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.
- Albert Einstein
The highest result of education is tolerance.
Long ago men fought and died for their faith;
but it took ages to teach them the other kind of courage, -
the courage to recognize the faiths of their brethren
and their rights of conscience.
- Helen Keller
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Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln
Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson
Only two things are infinite,
the universe and human stupidity,
and I'm not sure about the former.
- Albert Einstein
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us.
- Marianne Williamson
It's not clutter, it's my unique filing system.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
I am not afraid of storms
for I am learning how to sail my ship.
- Louisa May Alcott
Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide
The lawyer's truth is not Truth,
but consistency or a consistent expediency.
- Henry David Thoreau
Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth
until the hour of separation.
- Khalil Gibran
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
Delusion: belief said to be false by someone who does not share it.
- Thomas Szasz
Too often the strong, silent man is silent only because
he does not know what to say, and is reputed strong
only because he has remained silent.
- Winston Churchill
The wine of youth does not always
clear with advancing years;
sometimes it grows turbid.
- Carl Jung
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper
is that your guests are so pleased
to feel how very much better they are.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems,
but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.
- Herm Albright
As far as the laws of mathematics
refer to reality, they are not certain,
and as far as they are certain,
they do not refer to reality.
- Albert Einstein
Do not bite at the bait of pleasure,
till you know there is no hook beneath it.
- Thomas Jefferson
I am always ready to learn
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb
Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin
Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
The mind is not a vessel to be filled
but a fire to be kindled.
- Plutarch
I do not believe in using women in combat,
because females are too fierce.
- Margaret Mead
It is only the poor who pay cash,
and that not from virtue,
but because they are refused credit.
- Anatole France
A ship in harbor is safe -
but that is not what ships are for.
- John A. Shedd
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.