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Let these funny Foster Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster
To cherish what remains of the Earth and to foster its renewal
is our only legitimate hope of survival.
- Wendell Berry
For as long as I can remember, I've been searching for something,
some reason why we're here. What are we doing here? Who are we?
If this is a chance to find out
even just a little part of that answer...
I don't know, I think it's worth a human life. Don't you?
- the Jodie Foster movie Contact (1997)
Your life is the sum result of all the choices you make,
both consciously and unconsciously. If you can control
the process of choosing, you can take control
of all aspects of your life. You can find the freedom
that comes from being in charge of yourself.
- Robert Foster Bennett
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Forgiveness is not a one time thing.
Forgiveness must be practiced again and again in different ways
because we may find many dimensions to the wrongs we have suffered.
Bitterness and resentment are like weeds that can continue to pop up
until we have plucked out the last plant by its roots
and extinguished the last seed.
We must carefully tend the garden of our mind and soul,
lest we be overrun by the weeds of bitterness and regret.
- Carly Foster
One way or another, we all have to find
what best fosters the flowering of our humanity
in this contemporary life,
and dedicate ourselves to that.
- Joseph Campbell
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken
Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin
Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin
No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective
When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous
The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde
One's first love is always perfect
until one meets one's second love.
- Elizabeth Aston
The greatest mistake you can make in life
is to be continually fearing you will make one.
- Elbert Hubbard
The rite of the rings appeals yet appalls:
a cutting, a joining, a losing, a gaining.
One becomes half, as two become one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous
In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns
Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous
Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.
- Mark Twain
Education is a method whereby
one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
- Laurence J. Peter
The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
That's the secret to life . . .
replace one worry with another.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller
In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep,
one must above all be a sheep oneself.
- Albert Einstein
Every one desires to live long,
but no one would be old.
- Abraham Lincoln
If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
We are all atheists about most of the gods
that societies have ever believed in.
Some of us just go one god further.
- Richard Dawkins
I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard
One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
- Abraham Lincoln
Thaw with her gentle persuasion is more powerful
than Thor with his hammer.
The one melts, the other breaks into pieces.
- Henry David Thoreau
If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus
Tombs are the clothes of the dead.
A grave is a plain suit;
while an expensive monument is one with embroidery.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
I find that principles have no real force
except when one is well fed.
- Mark Twain
My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges
Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (Philistine - A Periodical of Protest, 1896)
One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
A little girl at the wedding afterwards asked her mother
why the bride changed her mind.
What do you mean? responded her mother.
Well, she went down the aisle with one man,
and came back with another.
- Anonymous
One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.
- Terry Pratchett
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann
"Appeasement" is the policy of feeding your friends to a crocodile,
one at a time, in hopes that the crocodile will eat you last.
- Franklin D. Roosevelt
I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic
Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.