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Let these funny Flood Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
What is the appropriate behavior for a man or a woman
in the midst of this world,
where each person is clinging to his piece of debris?
What's the proper salutation between people
as they pass each other in this flood?
- The Buddha
We must build dikes of courage
to hold back the flood of fear.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
God has cared for these trees,
saved them from drought, disease, avalanches,
and a thousand tempests and floods.
But he cannot save them from fools.
- John Muir
The River of Life has no judgments.
The River flows with no concept of good and bad - right and wrong.
The fields and dreams of men may be nourished by the River of Life,
or flooded and covered with silt, and the River just flows.
Men may catch fish and live on the River of Life,
or they may founder in a storm and drown, and the River just flows.
The River of Life is timeless.
It is not unchanging, but it is timeless,
and it changes in its own time.
The River of Life knows no obstacles.
The River can cut through solid rock - in its own time.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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Do not speak to me of rules.
This is war! This is not a game of cricket!
- from the movie The Bridge On The River Kwai
Hitch a Ride on the River of Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The River of Life has no meaning,
no good, no bad, no better, no worse,
no love, no hate, no fear, no anger, no joy.
The River of Life has no judgment, no expectation.
The River of Life just IS.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
As many raindrops join to form a great river of water,
many souls join their highest intent to form
the river of evolved consciousness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The River of Life flows eternally,
with infinite strength,
but with no convictions.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The River of Life is timeless.
It is not unchanging, but it is timeless,
and it changes in its own time.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I choose to flow with the River of Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The River of Life knows no obstacles.
The River can cut through solid rock - in its own time.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The River of Life has no judgments.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One can flow harmoniously with the River -
or one can struggle fearfully against the River -
and the River just flows.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There is nothing to do.
There is nothing to say.
There is nothing to think.
There is nothing to feel.
The River of Life just flows.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The River of Life flows - and all else is our drama.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The River of Life has no expectations
and makes no assumptions.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Talk not of the river or lake
To those who have looked on the sea.
- Ella Wheeler Wilcox
Sometimes, if you stand on the bottom rail of a bridge
and lean over to watch the river slipping slowly away beneath you,
you will suddenly know everything there is to be known.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
The River of Life is the source of all joy -
and the source of all sorrow.
Yet the River has no joy -
and the River has no sorrow.
The River is just the River.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The River of Life can cut through solid rock - in its own time.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Personally, I have fond memories of playing
on slippery rocks on the banks of a rushing river
as a child and hitchhiking in college.
To those who say, "But times are different now,"
I reply that statistically life is much safer now
than in the 1950s, with regard to both crime and accidents.
What has changed is our attitudes.
In those years, a broken leg from falling off a swing
or the back of a tractor was just part of childhood -
an excuse for gathering autographs.
Today that broken leg would be a source
of outrage and probably lawsuits.
I long for a simpler time when life was taken less seriously.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
There is nothing to do - and the River flows.
There is nothing to say - and the River flows.
There is nothing to think - and the River flows.
There is nothing to feel - and the River flows.
The River flows - and all else is our drama.
The River flows - and all else is our invention.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The River of Life flows without emotion.
The River surges. The River quiets.
The River overflows its banks. The River dries to a trickle.
The River swirls and storms. The River becomes calm.
The River runs clear. The River runs dark with silt.
The River is indifferent to what benefit
or what harm is caused by its water.
The River is the River, and that is all there is to it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The River of Life has no meaning, no good, no bad,
no better, no worse, no love, no hate, no fear, no anger, no joy.
The River of Life has no judgment, no expectation.
The River of Life just IS. There is nothing to do.
There is nothing to say.
There is nothing to think.
There is nothing to feel.
The River just flows. The River is the source of all nourishment -
the source of all obstacles.
The River is the source of all life - the source of all death.
The River is the source of all joy - and the source of all sorrow.
Yet the River has no joy - and the River has no sorrow.
The River is just the River.
One can flow harmoniously with the River -
or one can struggle fearfully against the River -
and the River just flows.
One can accept the River - or one can deny the River -
and the River just flows.
One can worship the River of Life - or one can curse the River of Life -
and the River just flows. There is nothing to do - and the River flows.
There is nothing to say - and the River flows.
There is nothing to think - and the River flows.
There is nothing to feel - and the River flows.
The River flows - and all else is our drama.
The River flows - and all else is our invention.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson
My advice to you is get married:
if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
Faith: not wanting to know what is true.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
If you ask me anything I don't know,
I'm not going to answer.
- Yogi Berra
There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie
A loyal friend laughs at your jokes
when they're not so good,
and sympathizes with your problems
when they're not so bad.
- Arnold H. Glasgow
Do not laugh much or often or unrestrainedly.
- Epictetus
One does not discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.
- Andre Gide
Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.