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Let these funny Fence Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
The grass is not always greener
on the other side of the fence.
Fences have nothing to do with it.
The grass is greenest where it is watered.
When crossing over fences, carry water with you
and tend the grass wherever you may be.
- Anonymous
Do real life people actually fall in love
with the idea of being in love?
Unfortunately, it is actually quite common.
Someone wants desperately to have
the husband or wife of their dreams.
They visualize the vine-covered cottage
with the white picket fence.
They choose the colors for the nursery.
They design all the aspects of their married life.
A real person stands no chance of measuring up to those fantasies.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The holiday season promotes
a heightened sense of community.
It draws our chins up and
helps us look above and over
the limiting fence of our own events,
activities and preoccupations.
The opportunity for a heroic gesture
can tap you quietly on the shoulder
in the midst of a holiday bustle.
If you are attentive,
you will notice the gentle touch
and will be able to respond. Remember...
There are no small acts of kindness.
Every compassionate act makes large the world.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
There is not a sprig of grass that shoots uninteresting to me.
- Thomas Jefferson
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Every blade of grass has an angel
that bends over it and whispers, "grow! grow!
- Talmud
To me a lush carpet of pine needles or spongy grass
is more welcome than the most luxurious Persian rug.
- Helen Keller
We need to find God, and he cannot
be found in noise and restlessness.
God is the friend of silence.
See how nature - trees, flowers, grass-
grows in silence; see the stars,
the moon and the sun, how they move in silence...
We need silence to be able to touch souls.
- Mother Teresa
If the sight of the blue skies fills you with joy,
if a blade of grass springing up in the fields has power to move you,
if the simple things in nature have a message you understand,
Rejoice, for your soul is alive.
- Eleanora Duse
What is life?
It is the flash of a firefly in the night.
It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime.
It is the little shadow which runs across
the grass and loses itself in the sunset.
- Crowfoot (Blackfoot warrior and orator 1830 - 1890)
It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand.
I beat people up.
- Muhammad Ali (world champion boxer)
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
"It's not that important,
don't worry about it" is the answer,
now what was the question?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
It's not the size of the dog in the fight,
it's the size of the fight in the dog.
- Mark Twain
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
- Albert Einstein
Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.
- Will Rogers
If at first you don't succeed,
skydiving is not for you.
- Anonymous
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
The most important words in the English language
are not "I love you" but "It's benign."
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Anonymous
Women marry men hoping they will change.
Men marry women hoping they will not.
- Albert Einstein
Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek
Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of ...
about me not listening to her, or something.
I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.
- the movie Dumb & Dumber (1994)
When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.
- Mark Twain
I'm not talking about lust.
A woman in lust wants chocolate.
A woman in love wants diamonds.
- the movie How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Personally, I'm always ready to learn,
although I do not always like being taught.
- Winston Churchill
Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed.
But I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops.
Uh, depending on the breaks.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove
I'm not used to feeling so human.
Is it always like this?
- Edward, from Twilight Saga by Stephenie Meyer
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
Marriage is a fine institution -
but I'm not ready for an institution yet.
- Mae West
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Two things are infinite:
the universe and human stupidity;
and I'm not sure about the universe.
- Albert Einstein
Yield to temptation. It may not pass your way again.
- Robert A. Heinlein
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
The objection to Puritans is not that
they try to make us think as they do,
but that they try to make us do as they think.
- H. L. Mencken
Politics is such a torment that I advise everyone
I love not to mix with it.
- Thomas Jefferson
There is no use whatsoever trying to help
people who do not help themselves.
You cannot push anyone up a ladder
unless he is willing to climb himself.
- Andrew Carnegie
Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard
The rich are not born skeptical or cynical.
They are made that way by events, circumstances.
- Paul Getty
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
- John Lennon
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain
Ending a sentence with a preposition is
something up with which I will not put.
- Winston Churchill
I think that there is nothing, not even crime,
more opposed to poetry, to philosophy, ay, to life itself
than this incessant business.
- Henry David Thoreau
Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
If you ask me anything I don't know,
I'm not going to answer.
- Yogi Berra
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet
and steady and loyal and enduring a nature
that it will last through a whole lifetime,
if not asked to lend money.
- Mark Twain
As far as the laws of mathematics
refer to reality, they are not certain,
and as far as they are certain,
they do not refer to reality.
- Albert Einstein
I am not young enough to know everything.
- Oscar Wilde
The function of muscle is to pull and not to push,
except in the case of the genitals and the tongue.
- Leonardo da Vinci
I do not fear death.
I had been dead for billions and billions
of years before I was born,
and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.
- Mark Twain
One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity
The person who says it cannot be done
should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
- Chinese proverb
The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
- Ursula K. Le Guin
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
The trouble with the world is not
that people know too little,
but that they know so many things that ain't so.
- Mark Twain
Do not use a hatchet to remove
a fly from your friend's forehead.
- Chinese Proverb
The lawyer's truth is not Truth,
but consistency or a consistent expediency.
- Henry David Thoreau
I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer
Though I am a servant, I am not your servant.
- Ursula K. Le Guin
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.