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Let these funny Feigned Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Feigned courtesy is a mere shadow of true kindness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is a gift, and I try to respond with grace and courtesy.
- Maya Angelou
When restraint and courtesy are added to strength,
the latter becomes irresistible.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall 
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Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain
Life is defined more by its contrasts than its samenesses;
Life is defined more by its risks than the many securities.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon
Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln
To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
Life is a journey - enjoy the journey.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If life is a trial, who is the judge and jury?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett
Life is always lived in the eye-of-the-storm
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary
The essence of life is not in
the great victories and grand failures,
but in the simple joys.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Bringing a childlike wonder
and a beginner's mind to life
maximizes both success and joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
You can observe a lot by just watching.
- Yogi Berra
The most powerful force in the universe is: gossip.
- Dave Barry
Life is without meaning.
You bring the meaning to it.
The meaning of life is
whatever you ascribe it to be.
Being alive is the meaning.
- Joseph Campbell
I Dream This Day of Wondrous Things,
of Peace and Hope and Pride.
I Dance My Dance with Life Today,
I'm Filled with Love Inside.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is not supposed to be fair.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're gonna get.
- the movie Forrest Gump
In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek
One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller
Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung
A big part of letting go is recognizing
when it is time to stay in a situation
and when it is time to move on.
- Darren L. Johnson
Life is best when I wish neither to hurry the future nor to slow it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.
- The Buddha
The book of life is filled with incoherent riddles.
Life's true lessons are inscribed in a corner of the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Any idiot can face a crisis.
It's the day-to-day living that wears you out.
- Anton Chekhov
Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
I never accepted the idea
that I had to be guided by
some pattern or blueprint.
- Little Richard
She generally gave herself very good advice,
(though she very seldom followed it).
- Lewis Carroll
The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The true meaning of life is to plant trees,
under whose shade you do not expect to sit.
- Nelson Henderson
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
If life is a bowl of cherries, then what am I doing in the pits?
- Erma Bombeck
Most men lead lives of quiet desperation
and go to the grave with the song still in them.
- Henry David Thoreau
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln
Is today a day to gather strength from the storm -
a day to to learn life lessons for the next battle?
Or is today a day to sit by the fire
and watch the storm rage outside?
Either way, the storm is just life.
Give thanks for all of Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde
All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
We have a great life here in Alaska,
and we're never going back to America again!
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Happiness is a figment of the imagination.
Imagine happiness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It's never too late -
never too late to start over,
never too late to be happy.
- Jane Fonda
I don't believe in the after life,
although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen
Time, like life itself, has no inherent meaning.
We give our own meaning to time as to life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.