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Let these funny Favorite Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
These are a few of my favorite things.
- Oscar Hammerstein II
Life doesn't play favorites.
- Anonymous
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz 
Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec
The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde
The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous
Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett
Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon
Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln
Life is a journey - enjoy the journey.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill
Life is always lived in the eye-of-the-storm
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon
Life is defined more by its contrasts than its samenesses;
Life is defined more by its risks than the many securities.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If life is a trial, who is the judge and jury?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain
Most men lead lives of quiet desperation
and go to the grave with the song still in them.
- Henry David Thoreau
Joy is a choice - but it isn't an easy choice.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Science may have found a cure for most evils;
but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all -
the apathy of human beings.
- Helen Keller
Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...
It's about learning to Dance in the Rain.
- Vivian Greene
You don't have the power to make life "fair,"
but you do have the power to make life joyful.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is really simple,
but we insist on making it complicated.
- Confucius
In critical moments men sometimes see
exactly what they wish to see.
- the character Spock of the television series Star Trek
Play with life, laugh with life,
dance lightly with life,
and smile at the riddles of life,
knowing that life's only true lessons
are writ small in the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
- Jodie Foster
The essence of life is not in
the great victories and grand failures,
but in the simple joys.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill
Knavery and flattery are blood relations.
- Abraham Lincoln
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)
Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're gonna get.
- the movie Forrest Gump
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
I have found that if you love life,
life will love you back.
- Arthur Rubinstein
I don't believe in the after life,
although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen
Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is a reflection of intent.
Love reflects love.
Hate reflects hate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is not supposed to be fair.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie
Bringing a childlike wonder
and a beginner's mind to life
maximizes both success and joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Life is without meaning.
You bring the meaning to it.
The meaning of life is
whatever you ascribe it to be.
Being alive is the meaning.
- Joseph Campbell
Take time to play!
Ask for what you want.
Laugh.
Live loudly.
Be avid.
Learn a new thing.
Be Yourself!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
The true meaning of life is to plant trees,
under whose shade you do not expect to sit.
- Nelson Henderson
Some things will never seem adequate
no matter how hard we try.
- from the movie White Man's Burden
You can observe a lot by just watching.
- Yogi Berra
A big part of letting go is recognizing
when it is time to stay in a situation
and when it is time to move on.
- Darren L. Johnson
It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel
Only a fool tests the depth of the water with both feet.
- African Proverb
The most powerful force in the universe is: gossip.
- Dave Barry
Anyone who isn't confused,
really doesn't understand the situation.
- Edward R. Murrow
You are Never Too Old to Give or Get Gold Stars.
Show Your Honest Appreciation - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Time, like life itself, has no inherent meaning.
We give our own meaning to time as to life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
When dealing with people, remember you are
not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
- Dale Carnegie
I Dream This Day of Wondrous Things,
of Peace and Hope and Pride.
I Dance My Dance with Life Today,
I'm Filled with Love Inside.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.