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Let these funny Father Son Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
When a father gives to his son, both laugh;
when a son gives to his father, both cry.
- William Shakespeare
A man cannot speak to his son, but as a father;
to his wife, but as a husband;
to his enemy, but upon terms:
whereas a friend may speak, as the case requires,
and not as it sorteth with the person.
- Francis Bacon
Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2
The existence of an anthropomorphic
"Father-figure" deity is not impossible,
merely exceptionally improbable and illogical.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother
rather than all major credit cards.
- Robert Orben
My father always told me that
all businessmen were sons of bitches,
but I never believed it till now.
- John F. Kennedy
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges
When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant
I could hardly stand to have the old man around.
But when I got to be 21, I was astonished
at how much the old man had learned in seven years.
- Mark Twain
It doesn't matter who my father was.
It matters who I remember he was.
- Anne Sexton
The most important thing a father
can do for his children
is to love their mother.
- Henry Ward Beecher
My father always used to say that when you die,
if you've got five real friends, then you've had a great life.
- Lee Iacocca
Dear Father in heaven, I'm not a praying man,
but if you're up there and you can hear me ...
show me the way... show me the way.
- It's a Wonderful Life (1946 movie)
So your father, or your mother,
never thought you were good enough - SO WHAT?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
My father considered a walk among the mountains
as the equivalent of churchgoing.
- Aldous Huxley
It is a wise father that knows his own child.
- William Shakespeare
The child in me could not die as it should have died,
because according too legends it must find its father again.
The old legends knew, perhaps, that in absence
the father becomes glorified, deified, eroticized,
and this outrage against God the Father has to be atoned for.
The human father has to be confronted and recognized as human,
as man who created a child and then, by his absence,
left the child fatherless and then Godless.
- Anais Nin
Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)
A son is a son till he takes him a wife,
a daughter is a daughter all of her life.
- Irish Traditional
Never cease loving a person, and never give up hope for him,
for even the prodigal son who had fallen most low,
could still be saved; the bitterest enemy
and also he who was your friend could again be your friend;
love that has grown cold can kindle
- Soren Kierkegaard
I want to thank my parents for everything I am today -
fat, miserable, and paranoid.
- Anonymous
I don't care whose fault this was, just get it sorted!
And could someone please bring me something deep fat fried
and smothered in chocolate.
- the movie Shrek 2
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
The devil has put a penalty on all things we enjoy in life.
Either we suffer in health or we suffer in soul or we get fat.
- Albert Einstein
A conservative is a man who is
too cowardly to fight and too fat to run.
- Elbert Hubbard
Mind Chatter...
"I'm too fat; I'm too thin; and my hair is a fright;
And I'm never enough; and my world is not right;
I'm not smart; I'm not cute; I'm not strong; I'm a bust
I earn scorn; I earn hate; I'm no good; I disgust."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Women want mediocre men,
and men are working to be as mediocre as possible.
- Margaret Mead
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
Marriage is a wonderful institution,
but who would want to live in an institution?
- H. L. Mencken
You want to do mankind a real service?
Tell funnier jokes.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories (1980)
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman
Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
My boyfriend and I broke up.
He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
- Rita Rudner
I feel the need to express something,
but I don't know what it is I want to express.
- the movie Interiors
I don't want to move to a city where the only cultural advantage
is being able to make a right turn on a red light.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
You'll live to be a hundred if you give up
all the things that make you want to.
- the movie Interiors
"But I don't want to go among mad people," said Alice.
"Oh, you can't help that," said the cat. "We're all mad here."
- Lewis Carroll
Too many people spend money they haven't earned,
to buy things they don't want,
to impress people they don't like.
- Will Rogers
How do you want to be remembered?
Live life full out - Begin today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you want to make enemies,
try to change something.
- Woodrow Wilson
When I want to be bold about my movement ...
I for sure do not call it exercise!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Mothers all want their sons to grow up to be president,
but they don't want them to become politicians in the process.
- John F. Kennedy
The jump is so frightening
between where I am,
and where I want to be.
Because of all I may become,
I will close my eyes and leap.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
If you want total security, go to prison.
There you're fed, clothed, given medical care and so on.
The only thing lacking... is freedom.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.
- Dan Stanford
Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.
- Bill Cosby
I want a girl just like good old mom,
who is different in every way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Take time to play!
Ask for what you want.
Laugh.
Live loudly.
Be avid.
Learn a new thing.
Be Yourself!
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Law of Contrariness:
Our chief want in life is somebody
who shall make us do what we can.
Having found them, we shall then hate them for it.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
I want to be the white man's brother, not his brother-in-law.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
People who want to share their religious views with you
almost never want you to share yours with them.
- Dave Barry
The third certainty of life, after death and taxes,
is that nothing will work out the way you want.
Life is fully as bad as you think it is.
Choose to live joyfully anyway.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
If you want to be happy, be.
- Leo Tolstoy
The way I see it, if you want the rainbow,
you gotta put up with the rain.
- Dolly Parton
People are stupid;
given proper motivation, almost anyone will believe almost anything.
Because people are stupid, they will believe a lie
because they want to believe it's true,
or because they are afraid it might be true.
- Terry Goodkind
Nearly all men can stand adversity,
but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.
- Abraham Lincoln
If you want to make peace with your enemy,
you have to work with your enemy.
Then he becomes your partner.
- Nelson Mandela
Never say goodbye when you still want to try,
never give up when you still feel you can't take it.
Never say you don't love the person anymore
when you can't let go.
- Anonymous
You know you love someone when you know
you want them to be happy,
even if their happiness means
that you are not a part of it.
- Anonymous
Attention is the ability we have to discriminate
and to focus only on that which we want to perceive.
- don Miguel Ruiz
If we want to direct our lives,
we must take control of our consistent actions.
It's not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives,
but what we do consistently.
- Anthony Robbins
Those that want friends to open themselves unto
are cannibals of their own hearts.
- Francis Bacon
Naturally, the common people don't want war ...
but after all it is the leaders of a country who determine the policy,
and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along,
whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship,
or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship.
Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought
to the bidding of the leaders.
That is easy. All you have to do is tell them
they are being attacked,
and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism
and exposing the country to danger.
It works the same in every country.
- Hermann Goering
Just because an animal is large, it doesn't mean he doesn't want kindness;
however big Tigger seems to be, remember that he wants as much kindness as Roo.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
We believe whatever we want to believe.
- Demosthenes
It's my party and I'll cry if I want to.
- Leslie Gore
Most of us are prisoners of habit,
and don't even notice that we do the same things,
think the same things, want the same things each day -
mostly without conscious thought.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.