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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Expectancy Quotes
Funny Quotes about Expectancy

Let these funny Expectancy Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American
recently passed each other in opposite directions.
- George Carlin

A state of expectancy is a great asset;
a state of uncertainty -
one moment thinking "perhaps"
and the next moment thinking "I don't know" -
will never get desired results.
- Ernest Holmes

Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz


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Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec


 

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde

The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel

If life is a trial, who is the judge and jury?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

Life is a journey - enjoy the journey.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is defined more by its contrasts than its samenesses;
Life is defined more by its risks than the many securities.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon

You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous

Life is always lived in the eye-of-the-storm
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain

No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln

Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain

To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde

Is today a day to gather strength from the storm -
a day to to learn life lessons for the next battle?
Or is today a day to sit by the fire
and watch the storm rage outside?
Either way, the storm is just life.
Give thanks for all of Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It's never too late -
never too late to start over,
never too late to be happy.
- Jane Fonda

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...
It's about learning to Dance in the Rain.
- Vivian Greene

It is hard enough to remember my opinions,
without also remembering my reasons for them!
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Success is failure recycled.
Life is death reborn.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Happiness is a figment of the imagination.
Imagine happiness.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation
and go to the grave with the song still in them.
- Henry David Thoreau

I can't go back to yesterday -
because I was a different person then.
- Lewis Carroll

Stay Happy, never let anyone get your goat.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell

They have come up with a perfect understanding.
He won't try to run her life,
and he won't try to run his, either.
- Anonymous

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)

If life is a bowl of cherries, then what am I doing in the pits?
- Erma Bombeck

One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller

All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I don't believe in the after life,
although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen

Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl
could want in her life, except for good taste in men.
- Anonymous

You can observe a lot by just watching.
- Yogi Berra

Any idiot can face a crisis.
It's the day-to-day living that wears you out.
- Anton Chekhov

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
- George Carlin

It takes a big cat to be number 2.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should,
and let go of what you can't change.
Life's too short to be anything... but happy.
- Anonymous

Knavery and flattery are blood relations.
- Abraham Lincoln

You are Never Too Old to Give or Get Gold Stars.
Show Your Honest Appreciation - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Do you feel stuck?
Whether in a project, a job, a relationship,
or some other situation,
there is a time for perseverance,
and a time for letting go and moving on.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

I never accepted the idea
that I had to be guided by
some pattern or blueprint.
- Little Richard

Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde

The book of life is filled with incoherent riddles.
Life's true lessons are inscribed in a corner of the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Take time to play!
Ask for what you want.
Laugh.
Live loudly.
Be avid.
Learn a new thing.
Be Yourself!
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

I Dream This Day of Wondrous Things,
of Peace and Hope and Pride.
I Dance My Dance with Life Today,
I'm Filled with Love Inside.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I love and treasure individuals as I meet them;
I loathe and despise the groups
they identify with and belong to.
- George Carlin

Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're gonna get.
- the movie Forrest Gump

Life is not supposed to be fair.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer
but wish we didn't.
- Erica Jong

Feeling sorry for yourself, and your present condition,
is not only a waste of energy
but the worst habit you could possibly have.
- Dale Carnegie

Life is a succession of lessons
which must be lived to be understood.
- Helen Keller

Am I not destroying my enemies
when I make friends of them?
- Abraham Lincoln


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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