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Funny Excuses Quotes
Funny Quotes about Excuses

Let these funny Excuses Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

Ignorance of the law excuses no man from practicing it.
- Addison Mizner

Ninety-nine percent of the failures
come from people who have the habit of making excuses.
- George Washington Carver

What are you committed to?
Have you started, or are you still thinking about it -
and making excuses?
Do you work toward your goal each day?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

I am the owner of my choices.
I am the source for the perspectives I choose to hold...
regardless of how aware I am of why or how I come to possess
that particular perspective.
It takes courage to look into the mirror of our souls, absent excuses.
I will look into that mirror little bits at a time.
SEE and ACT. SEE what I can bear to see and ACT upon what I am able.
This is the heart of a gentle invitation to personal responsibility.
- Mary Anne Radmacher


 

I think what's going on in Guantanamo Bay
and other places is a disgrace to the U.S.A.
I wouldn't say it's the cause of terrorism,
but it has given impetus and excuses to potential terrorists
to lash out at our country and justify their despicable acts.
- Jimmy Carter

I'm not making any excuses.
I got my butt kicked in certain games.
- David Wells

We first fought the heathens in the name of religion,
then Communism, and now in the name of drugs and terrorism.
Our excuses for global domination always change.
- Serj Tankian


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The best job goes to the person who can get it done
without passing the buck or coming back with excuses.
- G. M. Trevelyan

I'm not going to make any excuses.
I just went out and stunk it up tonight.
- David Wells

If you really want to do it, you do it.
There are no excuses.
- Bruce Nauman

I am not the kind of woman who excuses her mistakes
while reminding us of what used to be.
- Gene Tierney

It is wise to direct your anger towards problems -
not people; to focus your energies on answers -
not excuses.
- William Arthur Ward

If the fans want me out, I'll put my hands up and leave.
Like a proper man.
I won't make excuses, I'll leave.
- Paul Gascoigne

It happens to the best of them.
You lay off singing and your throat gets out of practice.
No excuses.
I blew it.
- Bobby Darin

I do not believe in excuses.
I believe in hard work as the prime solvent of life's problems.
- James Cash Penney

I had arranged a birthday party for him and my children,
who are all Aquarians.
Instead, we got married.
I ran out of excuses.
It was just us and my children.
- Diane von Furstenberg

Several excuses are always less convincing than one.
- Aldous Huxley

As soon as I step on the court I just try to play tennis and don't find excuses.
You know, I just lost because I lost,
not because my arm was sore.
- Goran Ivanisevic

The day you take complete responsibility for yourself,
the day you stop making any excuses,
that's the day you start to the top.
- O. J. Simpson

We need to hear the excuses men make to themselves for their worthlessness.
- Margaret Fuller

Continually finding excuses for taking a small glass of brandy and water.
- John Leech

The real man is one who always finds excuses for others,
but never excuses himself.
- Henry Ward Beecher

I'm not going to say that every record I've put out
was the greatest record in history,
but I'd stand by even the bad ones.
Don't make excuses, make hits.
- Pete Waterman

Bad excuses are worse than none.
- Thomas Fuller

Don't make excuses and Don't talk about it.
Do it.
- Melvyn Douglas

We first fought...
in the name of religion, then Communism,
and now in the name of drugs and terrorism.
Our excuses for global domination always change.
- Serj Tankian

The Soviet Union has indeed been our greatest menace,
not so much because of what it has done,
but because of the excuses it has provided us for our failures.
- J. William Fulbright

Not managing your time and making excuses are two bad habits.
Don't put them both together by claiming you "don't have the time".
- Bo Bennett

And I have this little litany of things they can do.
And the first one, of course, is to write -
every day,
no excuses.
It's so easy to make excuses.
Even professional writers have days when they'd rather
clean the toilet than do the writing.
- Octavia Butler

I had made a decision early on that we were going to
do the right things and that if they worked we were
going to be very successful.
And if for some reason they didn't, all the claims
and the protestations and the excuses wouldn't make any difference.
- John Engler

I felt ashamed for what I had done.
I don't have any excuses.
I did what I did.
I take full responsibility for myself and my actions.
I wouldn't pawn this off on anybody.
I'm sorry it happened.
And I hurt people.
- Louie Anderson

These thieves defend themselves by saying,
'I was there all the time, and the officials missed me.'
Favorite excuses for missing surveillance checkpoints:
jacket covered the number took off the shirt with the
number hidden in a crowd.
- Joe Henderson

Under the leadership of this President,
the state of the union is not strong.
We are being pulled apart rather than pulling together.
Our democracy is suffering from the choices being made,
and yet we are offered the same tired excuses and unrealistic analyses.
- Jose Serrano

People spend too much time finding other people to blame,
too much energy finding excuses for not being what
they are capable of being,
and not enough energy putting themselves on the line,
growing out of the past, and getting on with their lives.
- J. Michael Straczynski

People want a cop-out, listen I'm a realist and I talk about motivation,
talk about all the things it takes to be greater or
are important to win and people want to use excuses all the time.
- Mike Ditka

Whether I get adequate attention or not,
people here do know the work I have been doing systematically
and without compromise for over 40 years.
I get tired of people making excuses for guys who don't
continue the art because they can't make a living.
- Bill Dixon

Well excuse me - we've got something
a little unusual going on here -
time travel, parallel universes,
or just a little common ordinary insanity.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When I'm in London I do have the convenience of being
close to St James Park which is also good for me because
it gives me an excuse to get out and get some much needed exercise!
- David Blunkett

Difficulty is the excuse history never accepts.
- Edward R. Murrow

Ignorance is no excuse, it's the real thing.
- Irene Peter

Usually, terrible things that are done with the excuse
that progress requires them are not really progress at all,
but just terrible things.
- Russell Baker

Born again?!
No, I'm not.
Excuse me for getting it right the first time.
- Dennis Miller

If I seem to boast more than is becoming,
my excuse is that I brag
for humanity rather than for myself.
- Henry David Thoreau

Man has no right to kill his brother.
It is no excuse that he does so in uniform:
he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
- Percy Bysshe Shelley

Many people excuse their own faults
but judge other persons harshly.
We should reverse this attitude
by excusing others' shortcomings
and by harshly examining our own.
- Paramahansa Yogananda

I am favor of cutting taxes under any circumstances and for any excuse,
for any reason, whenever it's possible.
- Milton Friedman

Hold yourself responsible for a higher standard than anybody expects of you.
Never excuse yourself.
- Henry Ward Beecher

What has happened at Guantanamo Bay...
does not represent the will of the American people.
I'm embarrassed about it, I think its wrong.
I think it does give terrorists an unwarranted excuse
to use the despicable means to hurt innocent people.
- Jimmy Carter

Personally, I have fond memories of playing
on slippery rocks on the banks of a rushing river
as a child and hitchhiking in college.
To those who say, "But times are different now,"
I reply that statistically life is much safer now
than in the 1950s, with regard to both crime and accidents.
What has changed is our attitudes.
In those years, a broken leg from falling off a swing
or the back of a tractor was just part of childhood -
an excuse for gathering autographs.
Today that broken leg would be a source
of outrage and probably lawsuits.
I long for a simpler time when life was taken less seriously.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

An excuse becomes an obstacle in your journey to success
when it is made in place of your best effort or when
it is used as the object of the blame.
- Bo Bennett

Smokers, male and female, inject and excuse idleness
in their lives every time they light a cigarette.
- Sidonie Gabrielle Colette

There's no excuse for the young people not knowing
who the heroes and heroines are or were.
- Nina Simone

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.
- Milan Kundera

Any excuse will serve a tyrant.
- Aesop

There is no excuse for perjury - never,
never, never.
There is truth, and the truth demands respect.
- Kenneth Starr

Christ's crucifix shall be made an excuse for executing criminals.
- William Blake

Faith is the great cop-out, the great excuse to evade
the need to think and evaluate evidence.
Faith is belief in spite of, even perhaps because of,
the lack of evidence.
- Richard Dawkins

I write my plays to create an excuse for full-tilt acting and performing.
- Eric Bogosian

Religions that teach brotherly love have been used
as an excuse for persecution,
and our profoundest scientific insight is made into
a means of mass destruction.
- Bertrand Russell

The only man who is really free is the one who can
turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
- Jules Renard

There's no excuse to be bored.
Sad, yes.
Angry, yes.
Depressed, yes.
Crazy, yes.
But there's no excuse for boredom, ever.
- Viggo Mortensen

And oftentimes excusing of a fault doth make the fault the worse by the excuse.
- William Shakespeare

Once you begin to explain or excuse all events on racial grounds,
you begin to indulge in the perilous mythology of race.
- James Earl Jones

A real failure does not need an excuse.
It is an end in itself.
- Gertrude Stein

I think it's a lame excuse for a lot of these rappers
to say they only call girls bitches or hos because they act like that.
It doesn't make them right.
- Queen Latifah

I wanted to show that crime doesn't pay.
If you are saved and accept the Lord,
you cannot use that as an excuse to avoid punishment.
- Robert Duvall

Scrooge pushed past Mary number 1 and Joseph number
2 in the wings without so much as an "excuse me".
Typical.
- William E. Geist

Protecting the rights of even the least individual
among us is basically the only excuse the government has for even existing.
- Ronald Reagan

I respect my limitations, but I don't use them as an excuse.
- Stephen R. Donaldson

Using the power of decision gives you the capacity
to get past any excuse to change any and every part
of your life in an instant.
- Tony Robbins

It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one.
- George Washington


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