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Let these funny Ends Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
In life you are given two ends;
one to think with and the other to sit on.
Your success in life depends on which end you use most.
Heads you win, tails you lose.
- Conrad Burns
Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
- H. L. Mencken
Love is what makes two people
sit in the middle of a park bench
when there is plenty of room at both ends.
- Anonymous
The means by which we live have outdistanced
the ends for which we live.
Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power.
We have guided missiles and misguided men.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
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Our society is run by insane people for insane objectives.
I think we're being run by maniacs for maniacal ends
and I think I'm liable to be put away as insane for expressing that.
That's what's insane about it.
- John Lennon
Listen to the cry of a woman in labor at the hour of giving birth -
look at the dying man's struggle at his last extremity,
and then tell me whether something that begins and ends thus
could be intended for enjoyment.
- Soren Kierkegaard
The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon,
but that we wait so long to begin it.
- Anonymous
In the long run, we shape our lives, and we shape ourselves.
The process never ends until we die.
And the choices we make are ultimately our own responsibility.
- Eleanor Roosevelt
Love begins with a smile,
grows with a kiss,
and ends with a teardrop.
- Anonymous
Knowledge is happiness, because to have knowledge -
broad, deep knowledge - is to know true ends from false,
and lofty things from low.
- Helen Keller
The struggle ends when the gratitude begins.
- Neale Donald Walsch
An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The means we use must be as pure
as the ends we seek.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
All's well that ends well.
- Proverb (and title of a Shakespeare play)
Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship - never.
- Charles Caleb Colton
If you don't take full responsibility
for your own happiness,
who do you suppose will?
Your happiness is a one person job -
it begins and ends with you.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
BUILD UP YOUR CIRCLE....
A mind that perceives
What can rationally be.
A spirit that sees
Innovative possibility.
A heart that is open to
Both beginnings and ends.
A firm hand that fits readily
To the reach of a friend.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Not chance of birth or place has made us friends,
Being oftentimes of different tongues and nations,
But the endeavor for the selfsame ends,
With the same hopes, and fears, and aspirations.
- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
In truth, politeness is artificial good humor,
it covers the natural want of it,
and ends by rendering habitual a substitute
nearly equivalent to the real virtue.
- Thomas Jefferson
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, - I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! - and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
- Elizabeth Barrett Browning
Although nature commences with reason and ends in experience
it is necessary for us to do the opposite,
that is to commence with experience
and from this to proceed to investigate the reason.
- Leonardo da Vinci
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
The key is, to not think of death as an end,
but as more of a very effective way to cut down on your expenses.
- the movie Love and Death
The end move in politics is always to pick up a gun.
- R. Buckminster Fuller
Courage doesn't always roar.
Sometimes courage is the quiet voice
at the end of the day, saying,
"I will try again tomorrow."
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Belief is not the beginning but the end of all knowledge.
- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,
you'll find one at the end of your arm.
- Audrey Hepburn
The end of the human race will be that
it will eventually die of civilization.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
The light at the end of the tunnel
may be an oncoming train.
- Anonymous
Heaven must be an awfully dull place
if your best friends end up elsewhere.
- Anonymous
Those who won our independence...
valued liberty as an end and as a means.
They believed liberty to be the secret of happiness
and courage to be the secret of liberty.
- Louis D. Brandeis
Capture a shadow,
dance with the wind,
stand in a rainbow,
begin at the end.
- Mary Anne Radmacher
Our lives begin to end the day we become silent
about things that matter.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
It's stasis that kills you off in the end, not ambition.
- Bono
At the end of a matter ask,
"What will I learn from this to make me better?"
- Mary Anne Radmacher
The great end of life is not knowledge but action.
- Thomas Henry Huxley
In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies,
but the silence of our friends.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.
The power of intuitive understanding
will protect you from harm until the end of your days.
- Lao Tzu
When life offers you a dream so far
beyond any of your expectations,
it's not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end.
- Bella, from Twilight saga by Stephenie Meyer
Religion has convinced people that there's an invisible man
... living in the sky. Who watches everything you do
every minute of every day. And the invisible man
has a list of ten specific things he doesn't want you to do.
And if you do any of these things,
he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire
and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever,
and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream,
until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you.
He loves you and he needs money.
- George Carlin
We live in a wonderful world that is
full of beauty, charm and adventure.
There is no end to the adventures that we can have
if only we seek them with our eyes open.
- Jawaharlal Nehru
The end of labor is to gain leisure.
- Aristotle
I am not only a pacifist but a militant pacifist.
I am willing to fight for peace.
Nothing will end war unless
the people themselves refuse to go to war.
- Albert Einstein
I do the very best I know how -
the very best I can;
and I mean to keep on doing so until the end.
- Abraham Lincoln
Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does.
Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.
- James A. Baldwin
To be what we are,
and to become what we are capable of becoming,
is the only end in life.
- Baruch Spinoza
A friendship will be young after the lapse of half a century;
a passion is old at the end of three months.
- Madame Swetchine
If we cannot now end our differences,
at least we can help make the world safe for diversity.
- John F. Kennedy
Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.
- Neale Donald Walsch
I teach one thing and one only:
that is, suffering and the end of suffering.
- The Buddha
The way of success:
Visualize the end result,
Plan, Take action, Persevere,
Re-plan, Take action, Persevere.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Happiness isn't at the end of the rainbow.
Happiness is at the beginning of the rainbow.
Following the rainbow is happiness,
not getting to the end of it.
- Werner Erhard
I have always held firmly to the thought
that each one of us can do a little
to bring some portion of misery to an end.
- Albert Schweitzer
Let's have faith that right makes might;
and in that faith let us, to the end,
dare to do our duty as we understand it.
- Abraham Lincoln
It is good to have an end to journey towards;
but it is the journey that matters in the end.
- Ursula K. Le Guin
Everything is okay in the end.
If it's not okay, then it's not the end.
- Anonymous
Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world
doesn't mean you are wiser
than when it reached only to the end of the bar.
- Edward R. Murrow
Mankind must put an end to war
before war puts an end to mankind.
- John F. Kennedy
It is the journey that matters, in the end
- Ursula K. Le Guin
I walk the path - the way - the way of ways -
to the end that is not an end.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Man has lost the capacity to foresee and to forestall.
He will end by destroying the earth.
- Albert Schweitzer
Begin with the end in mind.
- Stephen Covey
If you do not change direction,
you may end up where you are heading.
- Lao Tzu
When you reach the end of your rope,
tie a knot and hang on.
- Anonymous Saying
(Sometimes attributed to Franklin D. Roosevelt,
Eleanor Roosevelt, or Thomas Jefferson)
A friendship that can end never really began.
- Publilius Syrus
All endeavors which are directed to a purely worldly end,
contain within themselves the seeds of their own corruption.
- Theodore H. White
Trust your instinct to the end,
though you can render no reason.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more.
If you concentrate on what you don't have,
you will never, ever have enough.
- Oprah Winfrey
The truth is incontrovertible,
malice may attack it, ignorance may deride it,
but in the end; there it is.
- Winston Churchill
Don't fall for looks, they can deceive.
Don't fall for wealth, in the end it fades away.
Find someone who makes you smile
because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
- Anonymous
If I choose to bless another person,
I will always end up feeling more blessed.
- Marianne Williamson
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.