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Let these funny Employ Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Interesting.
You Earth people glorify organized violence for 40 centuries,
but you imprison those who employ it privately.
- the character Spock in the television series Star Trek
Employ your time in improving yourself by other men's writings,
so that you shall gain easily what others have labored hard for.
- Socrates
If a man is proud of his wealth,
he should not be praised until it is known how he employs it.
- Socrates
Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits
and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- Barbra Streisand
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
- W. C. Fields
A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small bundle.
- Benjamin Franklin
Getting divorced just because you don't love a man
is almost as silly as getting married just because you do.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx
In order to be happy with a man,
you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot
and not try to understand her at all.
- Helen Rowland
Do not marry a man to reform him.
That is what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
No man is truly married until he understands
every word his wife is NOT saying.
- Anonymous
A man is incomplete until he is married.
After that, he is finished.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash
He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of.
- Mae West
It's not as great a day for the bride as she thinks.
She's not marrying the best man.
- Anonymous
A man likes his wife to be
just clever enough to appreciate his cleverness,
and just stupid enough to admire it.
- Israel Zangwill
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein
A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman -
before marriage and after marriage.
- Anonymous
One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain
I am a man of fixed and unbending principles,
the first of which is to be flexible at all times.
- Everett Dirksen
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy,
the first question I ask myself is:
is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?
- Rita Rudner
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Barf: I'm a mog: half man, half dog. I'm my own best friend!
- the movie Spaceballs (1987)
I care not much for a man's religion
whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
- Abraham Lincoln
Whenever I date a guy, I think,
"Is this the man I want my children
to spend their weekends with?"
- Rita Rudner
A man's friendships are, like his will,
invalidated by marriage -
but they are also no less invalidated
by the marriage of his friends.
- Samuel Butler
Men always want to be a woman's first love -
women like to be a man's last romance.
- Oscar Wilde
Don't marry a man to reform him -
that's what reform schools are for.
- Mae West
It is sad but unfortunately true that
man learns nothing from history.
- Carl Jung
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers,
looks around for a coffin.
- H. L. Mencken
Stay hopeless and confused. Keep polishing those skills.
- the movie When a Man Loves a Woman (1994)
The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself.
- Winston Churchill
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones.
- Bertrand Russell
Many a man owes his success to his first wife
and his second wife to his success.
- Jim Backus
The man of science is a poor philosopher.
- Albert Einstein
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
The reason why the world lacks unity,
and lies broken and in heaps,
is, because man is disunited with himself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Man's role is uncertain, undefined, and perhaps unnecessary.
- Margaret Mead
The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln
If it keeps up, man will atrophy
all his limbs but the push-button finger.
- Frank Lloyd Wright
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man,
and I hate people like that!
- Tom Lehrer
A man is usually more careful of his money
than he is of his principles.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca
The man who can smile when things go wrong
has thought of someone else he can blame it on.
- Robert Bloch
I choose my friends for their good looks,
my acquaintances for their good characters,
and my enemies for their intellects.
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
- Oscar Wilde
You can always tell when a man's well informed.
His views are pretty much like your own.
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Jung
Adventure is not outside man; it is within.
- George Eliot
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau
Every man thinks God is on his side.
- Jean Anouilh
If you can not answer a man's argument,
all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
Morality which depends upon the helplessness
of a man or woman has not much to recommend it.
Morality is rooted in the purity of our hearts.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
Beauty is the bait which with delight
allures man to enlarge his kind.
- Socrates
You know your god is man-made when he
hates all the same people you do.
- Anonymous
It appears to be a law that you cannot have
a deep sympathy with both man and nature.
- Henry David Thoreau
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway
is usually a poor judge of distance.
- Laurence J. Peter
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
A benevolent man should allow a few faults in himself,
to keep his friends in countenance.
- Benjamin Franklin
We are born believing.
A man bears beliefs as a tree bears apples.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
- Winston Churchill
One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein
The man who does not read good books
has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.
- Mark Twain
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
Clothes make the man.
Naked people have little or no influence on society.
- Mark Twain
Books serve to show a man
that those original thoughts of his
aren't very new at all.
- Abraham Lincoln
Confused Memories of Childhood:
Hate to my father, cruel hate,
confused with love - a mix not great.
The man I love - the man I hate;
the man I want to emulate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.