Facebook share Tweet This Email this
Let these funny Efficiency Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
Washington is a city of
Southern efficiency and Northern charm.
- John F. Kennedy
You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.
- Harry S. Truman
Few men have virtue to withstand the highest bidder.
- George Washington
It is far better to be alone,
than to be in bad company.
- George Washington 
Get a Funny Quote of the Day each day by email or in your feed reader.
Fear of something is at the root of hate for others,
and hate within will eventually destroy the hater.
- George Washington Carver
Washington, where an insignificant individual
may trespass on a nation's time.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
There are a number of things wrong with Washington.
One of them is that everyone is too far from home.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
There is no short cut to achievement.
Life requires thorough preparation -
veneer isn't worth anything.
- George Washington Carver
Love is never lost. If not reciprocated,
it will flow back and soften and purify the heart.
- Washington Irving
True friendship is a plant of slow growth,
and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity
before it is entitled to the appellation.
- George Washington
If you love it enough, anything will talk with you.
- George Washington Carver
Worry is the interest paid by those who borrow trouble.
- George Washington
Reading about nature is fine, but if a person
walks in the woods and listens carefully,
he can learn more than what is in books,
for they speak with the voice of God.
- George Washington Carver
When you can do the common things of life in an uncommon way,
you will command the attention of the world.
- George Washington Carver
Nothing is more beautiful than the loveliness
of the woods before sunrise.
- George Washington Carver
I love to think of nature as an unlimited broadcasting station,
through which God speaks to us every hour, if we will only tune in.
- George Washington Carver
No individual has any right to come into the world
and go out of it without leaving something behind.
- George Washington Carver
The greater part of our happiness or misery
depends on our dispositions and not on our circumstances.
- Martha Washington
Where there is no vision, there is no hope.
- George Washington Carver
There is a sacredness in tears.
They are not the mark of weakness, but of power.
They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues.
They are messengers of overwhelming grief ...
and unspeakable love.
- Washington Irving
Since new developments are
the products of a creative mind,
we must therefore stimulate and encourage
that type of mind in every way possible.
- George Washington Carver
Learn to do common things uncommonly well;
we must always keep in mind that anything
that helps fill the dinner pail is valuable.
- George Washington Carver
Education is the key to unlock the golden door of freedom.
- George Washington Carver
Ninety-nine percent of the failures
come from people who have the habit of making excuses.
- George Washington Carver
Great minds have purposes others have wishes.
- Washington Irving
Our happiness or misery depends on our dispositions
and not on our circumstances.
- Martha Washington
Success is to be measured not so much
by the position that one has reached in life
as by the obstacles which he has overcome.
- Booker T. Washington
True friendship is a plant of slow growth.
- George Washington
When our thoughts - which bring actions -
are filled with hate against anyone, Negro or white,
we are in a living hell.
That is as real as hell will ever be.
- George Washington Carver
Our creator is the same and never changes
despite the names given Him by people here
and in all parts of the world.
Even if we gave Him no name at all,
He would still be there, within us,
waiting to give us good on this earth.
- George Washington Carver
I am determined to be cheerful and happy
in whatever situation I may find myself.
For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness
is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition.
- Martha Washington
Anything will give up its secrets if you love it enough.
Not only have I found that when I talk to the little flower
or to the little peanut they will give up their secrets,
but I have found that when I silently commune with people
they give up their secrets also - if you love them enough.
- George Washington Carver
I wanted to know the name of every stone
and flower and insect and bird and beast.
I wanted to know where it got its color, where it got its life -
but there was no one to tell me.
- George Washington Carver
How far you go in life depends on you being
tender with the young,
compassionate with the aged,
sympathetic with the striving
and tolerant of the weak and the strong.
Because someday in life you will have been all of these.
- George Washington Carver
I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner
Don't go around saying the world owes you a living;
the world owes you nothing; it was here first.
- Mark Twain
If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999)
If you do what you've always done,
you'll get what you always got.
- Mark Twain
Yesterday is like a dung heap;
you can complain about the smell,
or you can use it to fertilize tomorrow's garden.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)
Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer
However beautiful the strategy,
you should occasionally look at the results.
- Winston Churchill
(Groom), take (Bride)'s hand and place your hand over hers.
Now, remember this moment and cherish it...
because this will be the last time you ever have the upper hand.
- Anonymous
DON'T get officious.
You're not yourself when you're officious -
That is the curse of a government job.
- the movie Harold and Maude (1971)
When I first saw you, I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
- the movie As Good As It Gets (1997)
If you don't know where you are going,
you might wind up someplace else.
- Yogi Berra
You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein
Tragedy is when I cut my finger.
Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die.
- Mel Brooks
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
There's no reason to become alarmed,
and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight.
By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
- the movie Airplane!
Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous
I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup
He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor
Oh, Shrek. Don't worry.
Things just seem bad because it's dark and rainy
and Fiona's father hired a sleazy hitman to whack you.
- the movie Shrek 2
Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
When your friends begin to flatter
you on how young you look,
it's a sure sign you're getting old.
- Mark Twain
You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)
You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch
Well, you ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
- Tom Lehrer
Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room.
- the movie Dr. Strangelove (1964)
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell -
you see, I have friends in both places.
- Mark Twain
You know what? Maybe there's a good reason
donkeys shouldn't talk.
- the movie Shrek (2001)
When you are courting a nice girl
an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder
a second seems like an hour.
That's relativity.
- Albert Einstein
You can lead a man to Congress,
but you can't make him think.
- Milton Berle
There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
I think you're the opposite of a paranoid.
I think you go around with the insane delusion that people like you.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry
Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands?
And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry.
- John Lennon
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
- the Woody Allen movie Stardust Memories
Thank you for visiting: Funny Efficiency Quotes - Funny Quotes about Efficiency.
Please sign up on the form below to receive
my Free Daily Inspiration - Daily Quotes email.
You can also search my large collection of Funny Quotes.
May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.