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Funny Drinks Quotes
Funny Quotes about Drinks

Let these funny Drinks Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

A man is a fool if he drinks before he reaches the age of 50,
and a fool if he doesn't afterward.
- Frank Lloyd Wright

I loved cutting together simple commercials about margarine or soft drinks -
all kinds of silly products -
but I tried to make the commercials different.
- Renny Harlin

You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
- Robin Williams

It's the same thing that drives people to want to experience
sexual pleasure or have one too many drinks.
We all want to experience the other,
and to get out of our daily existence.
- Adam Arkin


 

She hits me and she beats me and she drinks.
My mom is an alcoholic.
- Tonya Harding

One can drink too much, but one never drinks enough.
- Gotthold Ephraim Lessing

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses.
Drinks right out of the bottle.
- Henny Youngman


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I lose all control after two drinks of anything.
- Mercedes McCambridge

May this house stand until an ant drinks the ocean
and a tortoise circles the world.
- Jonathan Carroll

It's a fairly recent thing but I've become very fond of making drinks myself.
- Utada Hikaru

Walk on water? I know most people out there will be
saying that instead of walking on it,
I should have taken more of it with my drinks.
They are absolutely right.
- Brian Clough

In fact, the bandits steal the drinks and assistance
provided along the course.
Worse, they cross the finish line and mess up the scoring of legitimate runners.
- Joe Henderson

I've got a stag weekend coming up and I've said I'm
not doing anything more than a few drinks.
I won't have it.
I'll go home and watch Antiques Roadshow.
- Martin Freeman

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
- Humphrey Bogart

If you have children, you don't want to have drugs and drinks in the house.
It's just not good.
- Billie Joe Armstrong

Meet them once and you're innocent; meet them twice and you're not.
So if you see me having drinks again with Harvey Weinstein then,
okay, you've got me.
- Matt Drudge

Mixed feelings, like mixed drinks, are a confusion to the soul.
- George Carman

Everyone drinks more during a recession;
they want to forget.
- Christian Audigier

James Bond is quite serious about his drinks and clothing
and cigarettes and food and all that sort of thing.
There is nothing wry or amused about James Bond.
- Ken Follett

I get really saucy after a few drinks.
Sexy rude, not obnoxious rude.
- Katie Price

I'm the kind of person who'll have a few drinks and fall asleep at 11.
- Sadie Frost

If I can wake up everyday before I die and know that
I don't have to serve anyone food or drinks,
I will be happy!
- Kelly Clarkson

An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.
- Dylan Thomas

My books are water; those of the great geniuses are wine -
everybody drinks water.
- Marilyn French

I'm not trying to find another thing that's wrong with me,
but I'm such a nice person, and I have a couple of
drinks and I'm really good fun and then I'm really not fun.
- Tracey Emin

The whole world is about three drinks behind.
- Humphrey Bogart

We all need to take a deep breath and think about being
a Bush daughter and having that cross to bear.
I'd go out and have a couple of drinks too.
- Julia Roberts

I sat in at every club in New York City,
jamming with musicians, because it felt right -
and because it felt right and we were having fun -
the people dancing and sipping their drinks in the
clubs felt it too and it made them smile.
- Ray Conniff

The Chip also reduces the damage done by bandits.
They still steal drinks and cheers along the course,
but no longer scramble the paying runners' results.
No entry fee, no Chip, no time or place.
- Joe Henderson

I'd rather see you drink a glass of wine than a glass of milk.
So many people drink Coca-Cola and all these soft drinks with sugar.
Some of these drinks have 8 or 9 teaspoons of sugar
in them What's the good of living if you can't have
the things that give a little enjoyment?
- Jack LaLanne

In football, there were drinks available everywhere you looked.
On a golf tournament, you could find one free anywhere you wanted it.
In tennis and NBA basketball, everybody had a hospitality suite,
and so you could go there and load up if you wanted to.
- Pat Summerall

The other day at a drive-through, I reminded the teenage
girl serving me that she forgot my drinks.
She looked at me, hissed, rolled her eyes,
and then took her sweet time getting me the sodas.
- Neil Cavuto

My mother's father drank and her mother was an unhappy,
neurotic woman, and I think she has lived all her life
afraid of anyone who drinks for fear something like
that might happen to her.
- John Hurt

I would say that the war correspondent gets more drinks,
more girls, better pay, and greater freedom than the soldier,
but at this stage of the game, having the freedom to
choose his spot and being allowed to be a coward and
not be executed for it is his torture.
- Robert Capa

When a woman drinks it's as if an animal were drinking,
or a child.
Alcoholism is scandalous in a woman,
and a female alcoholic is rare,
a serious matter.
It's a slur on the divine in our nature.
- Marguerite Duras

All men, even those we call savages,
have been so tormented by the passion for strong drinks,
that limited as their capacities were,
they were yet able to manufacture them.
- Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin

Hardly anyone has noticed that in the Northern Hemisphere
people stir their drinks counterclockwise,
whereas the same people stir their drinks clockwise
when visiting the Southern Hemisphere.
- John McCarthy

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
- W. C. Fields

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.
- Joe E. Lewis

She drove me to drink.
That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
- the movie Never Give a Sucker an Even Break

I was so jazzed about sobering up
and starting a new life;
I had to stop at a bar
to get a drink just to calm down.
- the television series Glee

Bats drink on the wing, like swallows,
by sipping the surface, as they play over pools and streams.
- Gilbert White

It's tough to stay married.
My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
- Rodney Dangerfield

I'm tired of hearing about money, money,
money, money, money.
I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi,
wear Reebok.
- Shaquille O'Neal

Getting information off the Internet is like taking
a drink from a fire hydrant.
- Mitchell Kapor

On long haul flights I always drink loads and loads
of water and eat light and healthy food.
- Lisa Snowdon

I am happy to make money.
I want to make more money, make more music,
eat Big Macs and drink Budweisers.
- Kid Rock

If you drink don't drive.
Don't even putt.
- Dean Martin

I never diet.
I smoke.
I drink now and then.
I never work out.
- Naomi Campbell

I don't smoke, don't drink much, and go to the gym five times a week.
I live a healthy lifestyle and feel great.
I can run a marathon, you know.
- Sarah Michelle Gellar

Worthless people live only to eat and drink;
people of worth eat and drink only to live.
- Socrates

Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge,
others just gargle.
- Robert Anthony

A new friend is like new wine;
when it has aged you will drink it with pleasure.
- Ecclesiastes 9:10

From the way most people live,
one would never guess that humans are beings of free will.
Repetition can be a choice, but often it isn't.
The athlete or pianist who practices the same routine
day after day, year after year, has their eye on a goal.
The unending repetition is a conscious choice
in the pursuit of a life dream.
But what about the sameness of most lives?
Observe the morning commute, the after-work drink,
the Sunday football game or religious service -
how many of those people are consciously following their dream,
training their mind, body, and spirit through that daily repetition?
And how many are mindlessly slogging through each day
out of habit and boredom?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It's a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work.
He can't eat for eight hours; he can't drink for eight hours;
he can't make love for eight hours.
The only thing a man can do for eight hours is work.
- William Faulkner

Your pain is the breaking of the shell
that encloses your understanding.
Much of your pain is self-chosen.
It is the bitter potion by which the
physician within you heals your sick self.
Therefore trust the physician, and drink
his remedy in silence and tranquility.
- Khalil Gibran

You can't drink on an eight hour flight,
pass out, and then go onstage...
well you can, but then you're Spandau Ballet.
- Robert Smith

People care about my personal life.
But really I'm dorky!
I drink beer and go to football games.
And ya know, sit in my house in a t-shirt on the weekends and play with my dog!
- Sophia Bush

Drink the first.
Sip the second slowly.
Skip the third.
- Knute Rockne

Let us eat and drink neither forgetting death unduly nor remembering it.
The Lord hath mercy on whom he will have mercy,
etc., and the less we think about it the better.
- Samuel Butler

One drink is too many for me and a thousand not enough.
- Brendan Behan

There are two things that will be believed of any man whatsoever,
and one of them is that he has taken to drink.
- Booth Tarkington

Beer, it's the best damn drink in the world.
- Jack Nicholson

Cast away care, he that loves sorrow Lengthens not a day,
nor can buy tomorrow; Money is trash,
and he that will spend it, Let him drink merrily,
fortune will send it.
- Thomas Dekker

I cannot drink or do anything that changes the mind.
- Naomi Campbell

It takes only one drink to get me drunk.
The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
- George Burns

The fact that a Republican is in the late Senator Kennedy's
old seat probably must have him rolling in his grave,
probably spilling his drink.
- Ann Coulter

If you don't drink, smoke, or drive a car,
you're a tax evader.
- Thomas S. Foley

Drink not the third glass, which thou canst not tame,
when once it is within thee.
- George Herbert

But the trouble is that when you drink it,
you invariably meet other people drinking it.
- Oliver Reed

I don't try to match wine with food,
I just drink what I like.
And I think a lot of people are going towards that now,
which never used to be in the past.
- Mario Lemieux


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