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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Distribution Quotes
Funny Quotes about Distribution

Let these funny Distribution Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

The speed of communications is wondrous to behold.
It is also true that speed can multiply
the distribution of information that we know to be untrue.
- Edward R. Murrow

Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz PHOTO

True friendship's laws are by this rule express'd,
Welcome the coming, speed the parting guest.
- Alexander Pope

There is more to life than increasing its speed.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi


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Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead.
- David Farragut

In skating over thin ice, our safety is in our speed.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The speed of the leader determines the rate of the pack.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson


 

Walking takes longer...
than any other known form of locomotion except crawling.
Thus it stretches time and prolongs life.
Life is already too short to waste on speed.
- Edward Abbey

Power and speed be hands and feet.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The newest computer can merely compound, at speed,
the oldest problem in the relations between human beings,
and in the end the communicator will be confronted with the old problem,
of what to say and how to say it.
- Edward R. Murrow

On His Blindness:
When I consider how my light is spent
Ere half my days in this dark world and wide,
And that one Talent which is death to hide
Lodged with me useless, though my soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
My true account, lest He returning chide,
"Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?"
I fondly ask. But Patience, to prevent
That murmur, soon replies, "God doth not need
Either man's work or his own gifts. Who best
Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state
Is kingly: thousands at his bidding speed,
And post o'er land and ocean without rest;
They also serve who only stand and wait.
- John Milton (1608-1674)

Life is like jumping out of an airplane without a parachute -
only the last couple seconds are fatal,
but most people are scared to death the whole way down.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life ... full of loneliness, and misery,
and suffering, and unhappiness,
and it's all over much too quickly.
- the Woody Allen movie Annie Hall

The trick is growing up without growing old.
- Casey Stengel

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble.
It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.
- Mark Twain (attributed)

The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all
is the person who argues with him.
- Stanislaw Jerszy Lec

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner

Morality is simply the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we personally dislike.
- Oscar Wilde

Life's like Vegas. You're up, you're down,
but in the end the house always wins.
Doesn't mean you didn't have fun.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

If life is a trial, who is the judge and jury?
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

In the book of life, the answers aren't in the back.
- Charles M. Schulz in his Peanuts cartoon

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

Life is serious, get out your magic wand.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The difference between school and life?
In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test.
In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.
- Tom Bodett

Life is always lived in the eye-of-the-storm
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs.
- Anonymous

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
- Mark Twain

No matter how much cats fight,
there always seem to be plenty of kittens.
- Abraham Lincoln

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born
at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.
- Mark Twain

Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
- Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

Life is defined more by its contrasts than its samenesses;
Life is defined more by its risks than the many securities.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
- Oscar Wilde

Live life on the edge, not with an edge.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.
- John Lennon

Life only
appears to be
rushing toward us
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is a journey - enjoy the journey.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

To the young child, all life is a great adventure -
when did we grow so dull and brittle.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller

It takes a big cat to be number 2.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is without meaning.
You bring the meaning to it.
The meaning of life is
whatever you ascribe it to be.
Being alive is the meaning.
- Joseph Campbell

All people know the same truth.
Our lives consist of how we chose to distort it.
- the Woody Allen movie Deconstructing Harry

Joy is a choice - but it isn't an easy choice.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is lived in the living.
Set aside convention, caution,
and arbitrary "rules" about how
life is supposed to be lived.
Choose! Explore! Adventure!
Live life to the fullest.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is as easy or as hard as you think it is.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

Every man prefers belief to the exercise of judgment.
- Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation
and go to the grave with the song still in them.
- Henry David Thoreau

I don't believe in the after life,
although I am bringing a change of underwear.
- Woody Allen

The essence of all religions is one.
Only their approaches are different.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

It's not the men in your life that counts,
it's the life in your men.
- Mae West, in the movie I'm No Angel

Bringing a childlike wonder
and a beginner's mind to life
maximizes both success and joy.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Anyone who isn't confused,
really doesn't understand the situation.
- Edward R. Murrow

All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.
- the movie National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)

Knowing your own darkness is the best method
for dealing with the darknesses of other people.
- Carl Jung

Life is too important to be taken seriously.
- Oscar Wilde

Persevere. Plan. Strategize. Focus. Breathe. Write.
Let go: relax. Forgive. All this failing: take a nap.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Science may have found a cure for most evils;
but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all -
the apathy of human beings.
- Helen Keller

We have a great life here in Alaska,
and we're never going back to America again!
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

Some things will never seem adequate
no matter how hard we try.
- from the movie White Man's Burden

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Why me?"
Then a voice answers "Nothing personal,
your name just happened to come up. -
- Charlie Brown, in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

Life is best when I wish neither to hurry the future nor to slow it.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Knavery and flattery are blood relations.
- Abraham Lincoln

Life is really simple,
but we insist on making it complicated.
- Confucius

You can observe a lot by just watching.
- Yogi Berra

It's never too late -
never too late to start over,
never too late to be happy.
- Jane Fonda

Any idiot can face a crisis.
It's the day-to-day living that wears you out.
- Anton Chekhov

Iron rusts from disuse;
water loses its purity from stagnation...
even so does inaction sap the vigor of the mind.
- Leonardo da Vinci


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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