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Funny Quotes about Life
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Funny Disorganized Quotes
Funny Quotes about Disorganized

Let these funny Disorganized Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.

One of the advantages of being disorganized is that
one is always having surprising discoveries.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)

I love being married.
It's so great to find that one special person
you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
- Rita Rudner PHOTO

If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
- the movie The Matrix (1999) PHOTO

Be careful not to do your good deeds
when there's no one watching you.
- Tom Lehrer


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One great thing about getting old is that
you can get out of all sorts of social obligations
just by saying you're too tired.
- George Carlin

Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
- H. L. Mencken

One good Husband is worth two good Wives;
for the scarcer things are, the more they're valued.
- Benjamin Franklin


 

One man's theology is another man's belly laugh.
- Robert A. Heinlein

When two people decide to get a divorce,
it isn't a sign that they "don't understand" one another,
but a sign that they have, at last, begun to.
- Helen Rowland

Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends
is that three out of four murders
are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

No one knows what's next, but everybody does it.
- George Carlin

No one can have a higher opinion of you than I have,
and I think you're a slimy, contemptible sewer rat!
- the movie The Great Mouse Detective

Give a man one rabbit, and he will eat for a day;
give a man two rabbits, and he will
feed his family and his neighbors
and return you 64,768 rabbits in change.
- Anonymous

There's a couple of things they don't teach you
in Harvard Business School,
one is how to cope with defeat,
the other is how to handle a shotgun.
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)

One cannot have everything the way he would like it.
A man has no business to be depressed by a disappointment,
anyway; he ought to make up his mind to get even.
- Mark Twain

It is a truth universally acknowledged that
when one part of your life starts going okay,
another falls spectacularly to pieces.
- the movie Bridget Jones Diary

Oh, if only God would give me some sign.
If He would just speak to me once. Anything.
One sentence. Two words. If He would just cough.
- the movie Love and Death

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.
- Ogden Nash

Damn it boss, I like you too much not to say it.
You've got everything except one thing: madness!
- the movie Zorba The Greek

You know, it takes two to get one in trouble.
- the movie She Done Him Wrong (1933)

You ask me if I keep a notebook
to record my great ideas.
I've only ever had one.
- Albert Einstein

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next
to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

You're already a bastard.
Might as well be an enlightened one.
- the movie Simon Birch

One does not leave a convivial party before closing time.
- Winston Churchill

Everyone should have at least two friends -
one to talk to and one to talk about.
- Anonymous

The best thing about the future is
that it comes one day at a time.
- Abraham Lincoln

If Christ were here now there is one thing
he would not be - a Christian.
- Mark Twain

The reason I talk to myself is because
I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
- George Carlin

Being a leader is like being a lady,
if you have to go around telling people you are one, you aren't.
- Margaret Thatcher

We are all atheists about most of the gods
that societies have ever believed in.
Some of us just go one god further.
- Richard Dawkins

One of the greatest pains to human nature is the pain of a new idea.
- Walter Bagehot

My father and he had one of those English friendships
which begins by avoiding the intimacies
and eventually eliminates speech altogether.
- Jorge Luis Borges

He who loves 50 people has 50 woes;
he who loves no one has no woes.
- The Buddha

Education is a method whereby
one acquires a higher grade of prejudices.
- Laurence J. Peter

Question with boldness even the existence of a God;
because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason,
than that of blind-folded fear.
- Thomas Jefferson

Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln

If God listened to the prayers of men,
all men would quickly have perished:
for they are forever praying for evil against one another.
- Epicurus

I begin with the principle that all men are bores.
Surely no one will prove himself
so great a bore as to contradict me in this.
- Soren Kierkegaard

In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep,
one must above all be a sheep oneself.
- Albert Einstein

I've developed a new philosophy...
I only dread one day at a time.
- the character Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' Peanuts comic

One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Faced with the choice between changing one's mind
and proving that there is no need to do so,
almost everyone gets busy on the proof.
- John Kenneth Galbraith

The most difficult phase of life
is not when no one understands you,
it is when you don't understand yourself.
- Anonymous

Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind
and won't change the subject.
- Winston Churchill

Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Elbert Hubbard (Philistine - A Periodical of Protest, 1896)

When all think alike, no one is thinking very much.
- Walter Lippmann

I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful,
natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
- Steve Martin

I'm sure we all agree that we ought to love one another
and I know there are people in the world
that do not love their fellow human beings
and I HATE people like that.
- Tom Lehrer

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde

A true friend is one who
overlooks your failures
and tolerates your success.
- Doug Larson

Tombs are the clothes of the dead.
A grave is a plain suit;
while an expensive monument is one with embroidery.
- R. Buckminster Fuller

One minute you're in the lunchroom at Glenwood High
and you ... blink and you're 40,
you blink again and you can see movies
at half price on a senior citizen's pass.
Ask not for whom the bell tolls, or to put it more accurately,
ask not for whom the toilet flushes.
- the Woody Allen movie Celebrity

If someone had told me I would be Pope one day,
I would have studied harder.
- Pope John Paul I

Science is a wonderful thing
if one does not have to earn one's living at it.
- Albert Einstein

A good indignation brings out all one's powers.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

That's the secret to life . . .
replace one worry with another.
- Charlie Brown in Charles M. Schulz' cartoon Peanuts

The best way to appreciate your job
is to imagine yourself without one.
- Oscar Wilde

Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.
- Terry Pratchett

All diseases run into one - old age.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

The rite of the rings appeals yet appalls:
a cutting, a joining, a losing, a gaining.
One becomes half, as two become one.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When written in Chinese, the word "crisis"
is composed of two characters.
One represents danger and the other represents opportunity.
- John F. Kennedy

One man's "magic" is another man's engineering.
"Supernatural" is a null word.
- Robert A. Heinlein

One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde

You can always do one thing less than you think you can.
- Anonymous

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.
- Anonymous

There are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents,
and only one for birthday presents, you know.
- Lewis Carroll

A New Year's resolution is something that
goes in one Year and out the other.
- Anonymous

The greatest mistake you can make in life
is to be continually fearing you will make one.
- Elbert Hubbard

Thaw with her gentle persuasion is more powerful
than Thor with his hammer.
The one melts, the other breaks into pieces.
- Henry David Thoreau


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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