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Let these funny Dined Quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day.
I think this is the most extraordinary
collection of talent, of human knowledge,
that has ever been gathered at the White House -
with the possible exception of
when Thomas Jefferson dined alone.
- John F. Kennedy
We are all one whether we dine on corned beef in New York City,
black-eyed peas and cornbread in rural Louisiana,
or roast guinea pig in Peru.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry
always gets the best of the argument.
- Voltaire
There are two things that are more difficult
than making an after-dinner speech:
climbing a wall which is leaning toward you
and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.
- Winston Churchill
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Majority rule only works if you're also
considering individual rights,
because you can't have five wolves and one sheep
voting on what to have for dinner.
- Larry Flynt
Who made the rule that life has to be so serious?
One would think that "life is serious" had been engraved
upon stone tablets to judge from how most lives are lived.
Get a life, smile broadly, sing loudly,
paint your rooms in bold colors,
search every rabbit hole for a magical white bunny,
have caviar for breakfast and oatmeal for dinner,
wear a purple coat with a red hat - dance lightly with life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Learn to do common things uncommonly well;
we must always keep in mind that anything
that helps fill the dinner pail is valuable.
- George Washington Carver
Be an Original, smile broadly, sing loudly,
paint your rooms in bold colors,
search every rabbit hole for a magical white bunny,
have caviar for breakfast and oatmeal for dinner,
wear a purple coat with a red hat, dance lightly with life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
You can't have five wolves and one sheep
voting on what to have for dinner.
- Larry Flynt
We all tend to measure our worth by what we DO -
the actions we take.
We also highly value what we SAY.
However, the greatest impact we have
on our family, our friends,
and our world is our kindness and love.
A bowl of soup served with love
is a greater gift than a steak dinner served brusquely.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Smile broadly, sing loudly,
paint your rooms in bold colors,
search every rabbit hole
for a magical white bunny,
have caviar for breakfast
and oatmeal for dinner,
wear a purple coat with a red hat -
dance lightly with life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
Life is like a ten speed bicycle.
Most of us have gears we never use.
- Charles M. Schulz
I read that you should never go out with someone
if you can think of three reasons why you shouldn't.
- the movie Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (2004)
Never call an accountant a credit to his profession;
a good accountant is a debit to his profession.
- Charles Lyell
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
- Winston Churchill
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
- Edgar Bergen
We have a great life here in Alaska,
and we're never going back to America again!
- The Simpsons Movie (2007)
And you just gotta remember, Sparky -
no matter what they tell you - you can NEVER have too much sugar.
- the movie Michael (1996)
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
- Phyllis Diller
You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly,
but I bet you ain't never seen a DONKEY fly!
- the movie Shrek (2001)
You never can tell with bees.
- A. A. Milne (Winnie-The-Pooh)
Never try to teach a pig to sing.
It wastes your time, and it annoys the pig.
- Mark Twain
TEAMWORK...means never having to take all the blame yourself.
- Anonymous
I was wise enough to never grow up
while fooling most people into believing I had.
- Margaret Mead
I always pass on good advice.
It is the only thing to do with it.
It is never of any use to oneself.
- Oscar Wilde
I never accepted the idea
that I had to be guided by
some pattern or blueprint.
- Little Richard
One should never know too precisely
whom one has married
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Some things will never seem adequate
no matter how hard we try.
- from the movie White Man's Burden
Never let the fear of striking out get in your way.
- Babe Ruth
Never give a sword to a man who can't dance.
- Confucius
Never put off till tomorrow
what you can do the day after tomorrow.
- Mark Twain
A person who never made a mistake
never tried anything new.
- Albert Einstein
It's never too late -
never too late to start over,
never too late to be happy.
- Jane Fonda
Man's nature is not essentially evil.
Brute nature has been known to
yield to the influence of love.
You must never despair of human nature.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi
The savage in man is never quite eradicated.
- Henry David Thoreau
Until you've lost your reputation,
you never realize what a burden it was.
- Margaret Mitchell
I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives
as much as if we had never married at all.
- Lord Byron
One should always be in love.
That is the reason one should never marry.
- Oscar Wilde
Never trust spiritual leader who doesn't dance.
- Miyagi: character in the movie The Next Karate Kid
Eating words has never given me indigestion.
- Winston Churchill
Stay Happy, never let anyone get your goat.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Things have never been more like the way they are today in history.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
Do not take life too seriously.
You will never get out of it alive.
- Elbert Hubbard
The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple.
- Oscar Wilde
I never make stupid mistakes.
Only very, very clever ones.
- John Peel
I never considered a difference of opinion
in politics, in religion, in philosophy,
as cause for withdrawing from a friend.
- Thomas Jefferson
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help,
and what he cannot help.
- Thomas Fuller
You are Never Too Old to Give or Get Gold Stars.
Show Your Honest Appreciation - Today.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Which form of proverb do you prefer
Better late than never, or Better never than late?
- Lewis Carroll
Life is never fair, and perhaps it is a good thing
for most of us that it is not.
- Oscar Wilde
One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller
The way for a young man to rise is
to improve himself in every way he can,
never suspecting that anybody wishes to hinder him.
- Abraham Lincoln
People who want to share their religious views with you
almost never want you to share yours with them.
- Dave Barry
Never stir up litigation.
A worse man can scarcely be found than one who does this.
- Abraham Lincoln
Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends.
- H. L. Mencken
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves
for they shall never cease to be amused.
- Anonymous
One should never trust a woman who tells her real age.
If she tells that, she'll tell anything.
- Oscar Wilde
I would never want to be a member of a group
whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
- George Carlin
My father always told me that
all businessmen were sons of bitches,
but I never believed it till now.
- John F. Kennedy
Our Joy comes from living our own lives simply -
never from demanding that others live simply -
or from ever making any demands whatsoever upon others.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.
You never know what you're gonna get.
- the movie Forrest Gump
Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge:
it is those who know little, and not those who know much,
who so positively assert that this or that problem
will never be solved by science.
- Charles Darwin
Never interrupt someone doing what you said couldn't be done.
- Amelia Earhart
I make it a policy to try never to
make a complete idiot of myself twice in the same way.
After all, there's always all kinds of new ways
to make a complete idiot of myself.
Why repeat the old ones?
- Margot Dalton
There are only two or three human stories,
and they go on repeating themselves as fiercely
as if they had never happened before.
- Willa Cather
She drove me to drink.
That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
- the movie Never Give a Sucker an Even Break
Hate is never conquered by hate,
Hate is only conquered by love.
- The Buddha
Mind Chatter...
"I'm too fat; I'm too thin; and my hair is a fright;
And I'm never enough; and my world is not right;
I'm not smart; I'm not cute; I'm not strong; I'm a bust
I earn scorn; I earn hate; I'm no good; I disgust."
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.
- The Buddha
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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie
All materials & writings are copyright © Jonathan Lockwood Huie, except for quotes and other specifically identified material which belong to their respective copyright holders if applicable.